I can’t wait for vacation. This semester has been the toughest out of every other semester. After all it is my senior year of college. They say it’s your easiest year and I was looking forward to relaxing a bit and hanging out with friends more but that clearly isn’t true. I feel like I wasted my college years.
I worked hard and study every chance I got just so I could chill my senior year but every time I go to talk with my advisor she tells me I’m missing a requirement for graduation! To matters worse graduation is in 5 months and she has the nerve to tell me I’m missing a requirement for graduation. Why didn’t she ever tell me before! I should’ve just did whatever I wanted freshman year through junior year. Of course I hung out with friends and dated but if it ever interfered with school I didn’t do it.
I’ve been sitting at my favorite coffee shop for about 5 hours trying to study for my economics final exam. But how am supposed to focus when all I can think about is sunbathing in bora bora and sipping pina colada’s on the beach. I can feel it already. The warm sun hitting my skin. The slight breeze brushing against my skin. The ocean waves clashing together softly. I’m slightly tipsy from all the pina colada’s that I’ve been drinking. Mmm I love pineapple. I’m suddenly snapped from my thoughts when my phone vibrates.
Text message: Josh
J: Hey sis I’m picking you up Friday at 9am.
H: Josh what the heck! Why so early?? I thought we agreed you’d pick me up at 12.
J: We did but I invited Aaron since his parents decided they weren’t doing anything for vacation. He didn’t have anything to do so I invited him. We have to pick him up after you but since he’s farther I need to pick you up earlier.
H: Oh okay.
J: Bye Sis! See you Friday. Love ya.
H: Bye love you too, see ya.
I can’t believe he invited he who shouldn’t be named! I haven’t seen him for 5 years and now I’m going to see him everyday for month and you know what’s worse I have to sit in the same car with him for 8 hours! The last time we saw each other he told me “Han your like a little sister to me don’t be gross” after I tried kissing him. That day he came to pick me up on the last day of school. We were in his truck and the radio was playing my favorite song (big girls don’t cry) and I was singing it to the top of lungs. We stopped at some stop sign and he was staring at me and he was leaning toward me. I started getting nervous. He looked so sexy. He was wearing this tight white shirt that hugged his abs. It was making me wet so I had squeeze my legs. I have masturbated to him for so long I’d do anything just to kiss him and feel him under me. Then fergie said “it’s time to be a big girl now” she gave me a burst of confidence I didn’t know I had and I kissed him. He kissed me for a second and pulled away. His beautiful caramel eyes had lust, sadness, anger, and relief. That’s when he said “Han your like a little sister to me don’t be gross.” For a second it I thought he felt the same but then he opened his mouth. The drive to my house was silent. After he dropped me off that day I never saw him again. He left to wherever and I spent the summer wallowing in sadness. Tomorrow is going to be so awkward.
I picked up my things and left the coffee shop. It’s a small hidden shop so not many people come here. I’m like a regular so every time I come they know my order. Black coffee with a cheese danish. I’m not much of a frappe or mocha person. I like things straight to the point you know.
I get in my car and drive to my apartment. It’s not to far from the shop which is amazing. I get to my apartment and set my things down. Ugh what a long day. I only had Econ today and somehow that class drains me to my core. I’m so tired. So I decided to “take a nap.” I say nap but I know I won’t wake up until tomorrow.
Incoming call: Josh
J: “Hey man. What’s up!”
A: “Ah nothing just chilling.”
J: “So Friday I’m picking you up after Han. So please be ready dude. My parents keep giving me shit about not being late.”
A: “Yea no problem man I’ll be ready. So Hannah going?”
J: “ Yea but don’t worry she’s not gonna be hanging around with us like she used to when we were kids. Thanks bro!”
A: “Oh okay good! Haha. Alright I’ll see you Friday.”
J: “K bro see ya.”
I didn’t know Hannah was going to be there. I mean I knew it was a possibility but I lied to myself and said she wouldn’t be there. It kinda hurt me when Josh said she won’t hang out with us. I liked it when we all hung out. Obviously because I had the biggest crush on her but Josh never let me forget he would stop being friends with me if I ever seemed slightly attracted to Hannah. So I did everything possible to distance myself but Hannah would not let that happen. Every chance she got she would hang around us. I can’t help but think of how I left things the last time I saw her. I had picked her up from school since Josh was “at practice.” She was singing some song that was playing on the radio and she just looked so beautiful. The way her hair laid on her shoulders. They way her eyes sparkled when she sang. Her voice! It sounded like an angel was sitting next me. She was wearing this tight little skirt that made her legs look long and soft like butter. I slowly felt myself leaning towards her. I could tell she wanted to kiss me. I could see the way she was getting nervous. Her cheeks were bright red and her legs were squeezing tight. It made me hard. I don’t even think she new she was doing it. This girl didn’t know the things she does to me. How hard she makes me. I’ve jerked off to her so many times. All of sudden she kissed me. It felt like magic. But then I remembered what Josh said. “Dude if you ever flirt with my sister or even try to do some fuckboy move on her I won’t forgive you and I’ll best the shit out of you. Got it.” I was angry that I let myself do that. It was impulsive and now that I knew how she felt I knew I couldn’t hold myself back. So I said the stupidest thing ever. “Han your like a little sister to me don’t be gross.” I needed her to hate. I needed to put distance so as soon as I dropped her off I left to visit my grandma in Canada. Eventually I came back but I avoided her like the plague. I couldn’t risk my friendship with Josh. I regret that day. It was the worst thing not seeing her for 5 years.
I’ve had plenty of girlfriends and hook ups but none of them could make me forget her. She was like a memory. The more I tried to forget she always come back. Tomorrow is going to be so awkward.