Falling For You
Imagine being on the bachelorette and you have to choose between two people you genuinely love with all of your heart or two people you think you love with all of your heart. Or how about one out of the two people that you love doesn’t even know that you have feelings for them? Hi, my name’s Jana Boateng and this is my reality. I guess I should start by explaining what’s going on. I’ve been dating one of the most amazing guys that I’ve ever met, but I’m pretty sure I’m falling in love with my best friend, Barry. He and I have been friends since we were both in kindergarten. He is one of the few people that can read me like an open book, he’s the light of my day. Which is crazy because that is something I should be calling my boyfriend.
I never realized that I had a crush on him until he started having feelings for someone else. Lauren-freaking-Vasquez. We were in ninth grade and that day I had decided to go over to his house to hang out. Completely platonic, nothing more nothing less. While we were watching a movie he kept looking at me like he wanted to tell me something. He had been acting weird for the past week and it was lowkey getting on my nerves. Like we’re best friends so why is he acting all weird around me. So me being the aggressive fourteen-year-old that I was, I forced him to tell me what’s wrong. Nonetheless, he told me. He said that he had the biggest crush on Lauren Vasquez and never felt this way before. So I asked why he was being so weird around me if he had a crush on some random girl. He was like “Well I didn’t want you to call me whipped, and everyone’s been shipping us together since we were in middle school and didn’t want you to feel like you had to go and be with someone since I was.”
His reasoning for feeling that way was utter trash, but I didn’t put too much thought into it. I was just thinking about why my heart felt this immense amount of pain and disappointment. I pushed my feelings aside and, being the great friend I was, told him that it was fine and that if he liked her, he liked her and wasn’t that big of a deal. The next day he asked her out and the worst part about it is that she said yes. I should’ve felt proud that my best friend was finally getting his first girlfriend, but I didn’t. Not that I was jealous that he had found someone and I hadn’t, but because I wanted to be the girl that he was holding hands with and looking at her with such adoration.
This is essentially how I’ve been feeling for the past four years of my life. Sad, jealous, angry, and most of all guilty. I’ve been dating Jason since halfway through sophomore year. I started dating him in an attempt to get my mind off of Barry. So tell me why... as I’m about to enter my senior year of high school, my feelings for Barry have in no shape or form left. I have a guy who loves me from the bottom of his heart, yet I can’t say truthfully that I feel the same way completely. You know there was this rumor going on at the beginning of ninth grade, that Barry said to one of his friends that he had a crush on me. I never brought it up to him because I knew he didn’t like me and it was just some harmless rumor. However, now that I’ve come to terms with my feelings for him I can’t help but wonder if it was true.
Anyway, I’ve been talking your ears up about my love for my best friend that you’re probably all tired of me, let’s get back to the present time. It was currently Saturday morning and my day was starting like every Saturday morning. I wake up to my alarm clock ringing at 10:30 exactly, I get out of bed and head over to the bathroom. I stare at myself in the mirror and wonder how I got to be this sexy. After I finish admiring myself, I brush my teeth and wash my face with my Proactive facial wash. I apply some acne cream and moisturizers and go into my closet and pull out a beige cropped tank top and some black jean shorts. At this point, it’s about eleven and I’m still not done, I go back into my bathroom and quickly do my makeup. It’s not that I’m self-conscious about my face or anything, I just simply like the way that I look when I have makeup on. Not that I apply a lot in the first place. Once I have finished on my face, I take off my bonnet and style my box braids in a half up half down style and lay my edges.
Finally, I’m done getting ready, and it’s already 11:30. Usually, mom’s already yelling at me in her native tongue that I’m wasting time getting ready; however today she hasn’t yelled at me. As I walk downstairs with my phone in hand I see my mom in the kitchen cooking breakfast while her husband, Derek, is reading the newspaper. Derek looks up when he hears my footsteps and greets me good morning.
“Good morning Derek, good morning momma.” My mother looks at me and glares at me. I look at Derek and then back at my mom. “Why are you giving me that look?”
“You have been sleeping since ten and you have the audacity to wake up and come downstairs at eleven-thirty. For what? ” She said with her thick African accent. The thing about my mom is that she only has an accent when she talks to her family, or friends that are from Africa. I was used to her scolding me for the same reason every Saturday.
“Well, I was tired.”
“For what? You don’t work... Come and grab your food.” I walk up to her with a smile.
“Thanks, mom.” I grab my plate and sit beside Derek and not too long after she comes and joins me. While we are having breakfast as a family and just enjoying our time together, my mind can’t help but think about Barry and how I’m falling for him.