Last night was another sleepless tossing and turning. A pounding headache that wouldn't let her rest was keeping her up. She was debating on getting up to take some Tylenol but it took another 30 minutes for her to finally get up. It was a hot and sweaty night. It was 90 degrees during the day, which is not too hot but the humidity was making it worse. It was much cooler on the lower level so she made her way downstairs. The quiet was peaceful as the sun was just coming up. This was Jade's favorite time of the day. The colors of the sunrise was orange with a hint of pink. The new moon was still high in the sky. She was waiting on the coffee to finish running through and prepared her cup. As she settled down on the couch with her cup and phone, Jade couldn't help remembering that her mom's death anniversary was only a couple days away. Those dates your brain instantly connects to a feeling so deep. Even after 10 years the pain was still raw. As hard as Jade tried to occupy her mind, It just kept creeping back in. The constant struggle to control her thoughts exhausted her. Sometimes she just wanted to stay in bed and sleep her day away. Was this what depression felt like?
No matter what it was, she had to function. A mother and wife has to be there for her family.
The sun was getting higher and she finished her second cup of coffee. She quietly went upstairs, trying not to wake up anyone. Quickly she put on her running clothes, went back downstairs and grabbed her shoes. The air was just getting warmer, much later and It would be unbearable to go outside. This was the only time she had the energy to exercise. Running was an outlet for all that bundled up stress and anger. Sometimes, with the right song, she would start tearing up while running. This was a time she had to herself and didn't care about anything. Her route was about four miles and some went through a wooden area. There was always a sense of tranquility, the trees not only provided shade from the hot sun but also a sense of adventure. When she was a child, she would seek out the most beautiful forests and explore, made huts out of branches and climbed trees. There was a stillness in the forest, something you can't find anywhere else.
After her run she came home to her family just waking up. Tom was getting his coffee and sat out on the porch. It was Saturday, which meant no work and relaxing for him. Sara was in the shower getting ready to go to work at a local restaurant. She was just starting College online and ready to be on her own. It wasn't easy to see her grow up so fast. Brian was sleeping so much lately. He was 15 and constantly eating and playing video games. It was very difficult to get him motivated to clean his room or shower. He used to be such a mama's boy, but then puberty hit. Jade was hoping it was a phase that would soon be done with.
As she was heading upstairs, grabbed some water and a clean towel, she noticed nobody picked up the dirty laundry. Sometimes she wondered why she was the only one bothering to keep the house decent. It was a never ending story and it played on repeat. How hard was it to put the laundry inside the basket? She went into her bedroom to get her clothes and started the shower. While she was undressing she looked in the mirror. Her body had some cellulite and scars but she was in good shape. She was turning 40 in a couple months and tried to think positive. If she would put some effort in her hair and make up, but most days it didn't happen. It's not like Tom took the time to look better. Some days off he wouldn't even shower or brush his teeth. It's not fair how men look better with age and women have to uphold this youthful image. They were married 20 years and she didn't know a life without him.
Her whole life was about her family. Jade become a mother at a young age and felt like it was her choice. She was responsible to raise them. She often dreamed of having a career of her own. There was volunteering at the school and sport events. Running a household and raising children doesn't count as work experience. Although she felt capable, her insecurities held her back. It wasn't easy to be so dependable on Tom. If they fought, it was usually about money. He liked to throw it in her face, that he was the one paying the bills. Jade often wondered how he would feel if she did make her own money. Definitely wasn't easy to start at 40.
Just as she was getting out of the shower, Tom walked in. He gave her that look of needing some attention. She was still upset with him for giving her shit about not cooking the night before. There was plenty of leftovers and there's always cereal. "You know what I need?", Tom smirked. "A laundry basket in every room?", she smirked back. Jade was ready for a change but she had no idea what was about to happen!