I’m not a woman that scares easily. However, it seems that I’ve been scared a lot over the past few months. First was when I was forced to confront my feelings for Eliot. Then when my daughter was almost taken from me, and finally when there was blood coming from my private area. I’ve never heard of anything good coming from bleeding from there. It’s not even good when Aunt Flo decides to pay her monthly visit. That can be painful and just an inconvenience. I had a feeling of what was happening, but I didn’t want to say it out loud. I was afraid if I did it would make it real, and I didn’t want to think about losing something so precious that was made from pure love.
When we got to the hospital, I was whisked away by the nurses. I needed Eliot, but they wouldn’t let him follow where they were taking me. I begged for them to let him come back, but they wouldn’t. I didn’t have to wait long for Hannah to come. Doc arrived as they were wheeling me to surgery. He came as soon as he heard what was happening. He said he broke a lot of traffic laws to get here as quickly as he could. As soon as Hannah got there, she immediately had blood work and an ultrasound done. “Alright Alanis, from the looks of things, we need to get you up to surgery to see if we can save the babies. We need to work fast.” Hannah informs me. Babies? As in two? I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t think. It was all happening so fast. I couldn’t handle it, but I didn’t have a choice. All I could think while I was being rushed into surgery was ‘I hope everything is okay’. It wasn’t long after that, that I was being knocked out.
When I woke up and heard Eliot telling me about what Posey had done today, I went on what I’ve noticed over the past few weeks. My daughter hasn’t been the same. She’s been nauseous and moody. Now, I normally would have chalked it up to that time of the month, but we’ve been synced up since she started hers. I didn’t think anything of missing mine because I’ve been under a lot of stress. We haven’t heard anything from my parents, and to top it all off, Posey’s father reached out and asked to see his daughter. I haven’t told anyone about it yet. I’m not sure how I feel about it. It seems like it’s a trap. In the past fifteen years, he hasn’t wanted anything to do with her, then all the sudden my parents make their appearance, and he does shortly after. I just can’t think of it right now.
“She’s pregnant.” I whisper out in a raspy voice before asking for water. Eliot doesn’t believe it that his daughter could be pregnant. He’s really taken her under his wing and treated her like a father should treat his daughter. That’s his baby girl and she can do no wrong. Same thing goes for Morgan. Neither of his kids can do anything wrong. They’re his perfect angels, but I know better. Call it a mothers’ intuition, but I know my daughter is pregnant. Just like I know Morgan is trying to figure out his interest in his best friend. I’ve noticed how Morgan looks at Murdock. All the women have. We’ve had conversations about it. I’m letting them come to me about it though. If they want to talk about it, they will when they’re ready.
Aliana noticed some changes in Murdock a while back. We’ve talked about how they look at each other. I know people are going to think that they’re only eleven and twelve. They don’t know what they like yet. I don’t believe that for one second. I think that they are at the right age to figure out what, or who, they like. Whether it be boys or girls. I will love my son either way. He’ll have my support no matter what. I’ll fight tooth and nail for that boy. The same goes for my daughter and this little one that I’m currently carrying. Does it hurt that I lost one of my babies? Yes, it does. It freaking kills me knowing that my baby won’t be able to grow up with their match. Am I glad that I still have one and that I didn’t lose both? Yes, I am. We’ll make it through. I just have to find a way to get over the self-blaming period of the grief.
Eliot left to get the kids from school with a few of the other members and left me with the girls. It also left me to be able to be in my own head. Could I have done something different if I knew? What would they have been like? Would they have been a boy or girl? I have a feeling deep in my gut that it was a boy. It’s just a feeling. I’m going to go with what my gut is telling me though. I heard when Eliot called the baby we lost a boy. I think he has the same feeling as I do.
I keep going back to the fact that my fifteen-year-old daughter is pregnant. She’ll be sixteen in a little over a month, but that’s beside the point. She’s been on birth control since she started her period. She had to have it to make them easier on her. I know we’ve had the safe sex talk. She knew what she was doing. I just wish she would have talked to me before she was having sex. I know Gavin and she were each other’s firsts. It will be something to see how Eliot reacts when he realizes that his little girl is indeed, having a little one of her own.
I never wanted this to happen to her, but I’m not going to kick her out, or make her feel worse for something she’s probably feeling terrified over. I’ll be there for her just as I will with any of my kids. “You really think Posey’s pregnant?” Aliana brings me out of my thoughts. I turn my gaze to her and see Brantley in her arms. I reach out for him, and she hands him to me.
“I do. She’s going through the same changes that I went through when I was pregnant with her. Which is weird since I didn’t have any symptoms with this pregnancy, but that’s neither here nor there. I know she’s pregnant just like I know Morgan is in love with Murdock.” I tell her.
“I know what you mean. I haven’t been around Posey much since we’ve picked up at the clinic, but when she’s at the clubhouse I could tell something was off. I just assumed she was on her period. I also think it’s interesting that she’s having the same symptoms you had with her.” Aliana says. You and me both girlfriend, ou and me both.
“I thought the same thing, but then I noticed that she didn’t get hers when she was supposed to. I thought mine was because of the stress of my parents and then her father reaching out wanting to see her.” I let slip. I didn’t mean for it to, but it feels good to get it out.
“When was this?” I whip my head towards the door to see Eliot standing there with Morgan.
“Last week. He wants to see his daughter.” I’m cut off before I can say anything more.
“She is not his daughter. She’s my daughter. He may have helped make her, but he left when she was still a peanut. He has no right to want to see my daughter. He has another thing coming if he thinks he can waltz in like nothing is wrong and be a father to her. That roll is already taken.” He’s mad, not that I can blame him. He’s been her father since he met her that first day. If Charles wants to see his daughter, can I really keep him from being able to? “I can see you thinking. He’s not getting near my daughter Alanis. She’s not having anything to fucking do with him. If he wants something to do with her then he can talk to me. I’m not risking her.”
“This is why I didn’t tell you Eliot. I wasn’t even sure if I was going to let her go. Everything you’ve said is true. I have the same fears, but I can’t keep him from her.” I say.
“His name isn’t on the birth certificate. Mine is.” That bit of information shocks the crap out of me. “I had Snoopy look it up and put my name on it. She also has my last name. The only thing she doesn’t have is my blood running through her veins, but she’s still my daughter.” He informs me. Is that legal? How did they pull it off? I shouldn’t be surprised because Blake is good with computers. Not just good, but fantastic with them.
“You changed the information on her birth certificate without informing me?” I ask baffled. He doesn’t even look ashamed about doing it. Do I care? Not really.
“I did and I’m not going to apologize for it.” He says.
“I should be ticked off, but I’m not. You’ve been her father since you met her. I just would have liked to know.” I say. I turn my attention to Morgan. “How was school buddy?”
“It was alright. I spent all my free time in the library. Murdock didn’t want to hang out with me today. He said he wanted to play basketball with his friends on the team instead.” Morgan says, making his way over to the bed. “Will it hurt you if I lay up here with you? I need mom loves.”
“Get up here baby. I’ll give you all the mom loves.” I tell him. I look over at Ali and see that she’s rapidly texting on her phone. Probably talking to Axyl. Murdock and Morgan have been attached at the hip since Morgan got here. “I love you, Morgan. No matter what.”
“I think I like him as more than a friend mama.” He says so only I can hear him.
“I know baby. I know and there’s nothing wrong with that.” He snuggles closer to me, and I run my fingers through his hair. “I’m always here baby. You never have to be scared to tell me anything.” It doesn’t take long for him to fall asleep next to me and Eliot sits in the chair next to the bed.
“What were you two whispering about?” He asks, taking my hand. “He looks so sad. I asked him on the way over here what was wrong and all he would say is that he needs his mom. She would know what was wrong. From the looks of it, I take it you know exactly what’s wrong.”
“I’ll tell you but let him come to you. Please.” At his nod, I continue. “He’s in love with his best friend.” He doesn’t look the least bit surprised.
“I know. I’ve known since the first week he was here. I may be stupid at times, but I’m not blind. Just like I know you’re right about Posey being pregnant. I just don’t want to believe it. She’s my little girl, and he’s my son. I’ll support them both through anything and everything, as long as it makes them happy.” He says, not taking his eyes off his son.
“You know?” We all turn towards the room door to see a silently crying Posey wrapped in Gavin’s arms.
“Yeah baby. We know. There’s not much you can get past a mom. Your dad is another story though.” I joke.
“I’m so sorry daddy. I didn’t mean for it to happen. It was one time that we weren’t careful. I’m so sorry.” Posey sobs. Eliot jumps from his chair and brings her into his arms.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. Shit happens. I’m not happy about it, but I’m here. Your mom is here. Gavin will still be here when I’m done beating the shit out of him for getting my princess pregnant, but he’ll still be here. At least, until his mom gets home.” Eliot says. Gavin pales and backs up, running into his brother.
“You got her pregnant? I thought we talked about this?” Blake asks.
“I-it was only one time. We forgot the condom. It wasn’t on purpose.” Gavin pleads.
“No one is killing anyone. What’s done is done. Now, we move forward. Get in here. I need a nap. I’m exhausted. Eliot you can tell them the news.” At his nod, I close my eyes and fall into a deep slumber.