There’s nothing better than hearing your baby’s heartbeat. The only thing that hurts is not being able to hear the other baby’s heartbeat. I haven’t had the best time at coping with losing one of my twins, but Eliot has been great in supporting me during this whole thing. I don’t think my façade of being fine has gone unnoticed by him, but that doesn’t mean that I haven’t tried to hide my sadness. I wouldn’t say that I’m sad. I’m more devastated about it than sad. It’s never easy losing a baby. I’ve never experienced it, and I never thought I would, until I did. The pain of knowing you were carrying a little one and then having it taken away before you even knew they existed, isn’t something I would wish on my worst enemy.
As I sit here listening to my baby’s heartbeat and staring at the screen, I’m thankful. I’m thankful for the man that is standing right next to me. I’m thankful for my daughter and my son. The tears start pouring down my cheeks before I even know I’m crying. They’re not sad tears this time. They’re happy tears. Tears of pure joy. I have a family. I have a husband and my daughter has a father.
It’s honestly so hard to imagine how I made it in life without the love of Eliot. He’s my rock. He anchors me to reality when I’m floating away towards the open water with no lifeboat in sight. “Hey baby girl. It’s all okay. We may have lost one, but we have this little one. It’s not the same as having both, but we have this baby.” Eliot rubs the tears from my face, and I look at him. This amazing, wonderful man thinks that I’m crying because I’m sad.
“They’re not sad tears this time. I’m just so happy about everything.” I tell him honestly. He presses his lips to mine softly and I bask in the feel of them.
“I love you little minx. Always and forever. No matter what happens.” He tells me. The doctor cleaned everything up and after everything was said and done, we were back on the road. We set up our next appointment for next month. I was being seen every couple weeks after losing one twin, but as of last month it turned into once a month until I get closer to delivering.
I place my hand on my protruding stomach and bask in the feeling of being pregnant. It’s like no other feeling I’ve experienced. It’s one of the best feelings knowing that you’re providing life to another human being. Eliot places his hand on top of mine and the baby kicks. “Seems she loves her daddy’s touch.” I tell him.
“Pretty sure it’s going to be a boy.” He retorts. “We talked about this. We can’t have any more girls. One is enough.” I level him with my best glare. “I’m kidding my love. As long as they’re healthy, I don’t care if we have a boy or girl. I’ll love them all the same.” I know he’s joking, but I can still tease him.
“That’s what I thought. I still think we’re having a girl.” I tell him. He hums and rubs his hand around my stomach. He hasn’t been able to keep his hands off the baby. When we’re in bed, he always has a hand on my stomach. When Morgan is around, he’s the same way. Posey isn’t really showing yet. She’s only three months along. She has a slight bump, but it’s not as prominent. I still can’t believe my little girl is having a baby of her own. I’ve always raised her to make her own decisions and I know accidents happen. I’ve always talked to her about safe sex and sometimes things happen as they’re supposed to.
When we pull up to the clubhouse, it seems fuller than it normally is. There are more vehicles, along with bikes. The men haven’t been riding as much because we’ve been having a harsh January, so there haven’t been a lot of bikes in the parking lot. So, with there being this many, it has me a bit worried. “Is there something going on?” I decided to just ask instead of wondering. You never get the answer unless you ask.
“I’m not sure. Westyn said he needed to talk to us because he found some important things out. This must have something to do with it. Don’t worry. I’m sure it’s nothing. Let’s get you inside.” Eliot says, turning off the truck. I wait for him to come around and open my door and help me out. I shiver from the cold and pull my jacket tighter around me. Eliot leads me towards the entrance of the clubhouse and inside. When we step inside, there are a lot more than just the men of this charter inside the building.
“Hey guys! How’d the appointment go?” Axyl asks, dragging everyone’s attention to us. Eliot helps me with my jacket, and I put my property cut back on.
“Ten finger and ten toes. Baby Holiday is looking healthy and right on schedule.” Eliot says. “What’s going on?”
“The Florida charter had a run and decided to crash here instead of grabbing a room.” Axyl says. So, these men are from Florida. Good to know. “They were just planning to go straight through but decided that it was too cold for them.” Eliot nods and walks us towards a group of men at the bar.
“Hey brothers. What brings y’all to our neck of the woods?” Eliot asks when we get closer.
“Had a run to do. Wanted to make sure shit got handled right, so I decided to get it done myself. Been having some issues in house, if you know what I mean.” I look at the man speaking and see his cut says Blaster and under that, President. He’s an older man, late thirties or early forties, but he’s still handsome. I’m sure he has women crawling all over him. “Who is this?”
“This is my ol’ lady Alanis.” Eliot says, bringing me closer towards him.
“Lucky bastard. If I met a woman as beautiful as you, I wouldn’t still be single.” Blaster says.
“It’s a good thing I snatched her up before you could try and get your grubby paws on her.” Eliot jokes, causing the man in front of us to let out a booming laugh. Eliot turns to me and brings his lips to mine. “You going back to your office? I’ll have one of the prospects bring you some lunch. You need to feed little man, and yourself.”
“Yeah. I’ve got a lot of work to get done. Can you have him bring me some cheese puff and chocolate sauce! Oh, and some pickles and hot sauce!” I ask him. I’ve been craving those two things the past few months.
“Anything you want little minx. You need to eat a sandwich or something as well.” I nod and give him a quick kiss before going to my office. When I make it back to where my office is, I flop down in my office chair. I let out a groan at the blissful feeling of being off my feet and giving my back a rest. The downside of being pregnant is the aches and pains that come with it, but in the end it’s definitely worth it.
I’m not sure how long I’ve been working when a knock comes on my door. “Come in!” I look up as the door opens and see one of the newer prospects coming in. “Hey Carson. Just set it there on the table by the couch. Thank you.”
“No problem, Alanis. If you need anything else, I’ll be outside your door. Trigger asked me to keep a watch over you while he can’t.” I give him a smile and nod. Carson is a good kid. He just lost his way for a little while. When Westyn brought him in he was fresh out of juvie. He’s completely changed over the past few months he’s been here. He’s going to make an excellent member. I’ve talked to him a bit here and there and I know he’s a good kid. The guys decided to help the ones that need it or want it I should say. Each of them comes through my office a few times here and there. I’ve made a point to make sure they’re doing okay and settling in well. Between me and the other ol’ ladies, they have the motherly figure that most in their situation don’t.
I get up from my desk and make my way to the couch. I ditch my shoes and start to eat my food. At first bite, I let out a groan. This is exactly what I needed. It hits just the right spot. I continue eating my food and watching Vikings as I do. I’m obsessed with the show and watch it whenever I can. Eliot’s not a big fan of it, so I watch it when he’s not around. Once I’ve finished my food, I lay down on the couch with a full belly. I’m in need a major nap. I have two hours until the kids are home from school and I’m going to take advantage of it. It doesn’t take long for sleep to take me into its depths.
I’m not sure how long I’ve been asleep when my phone ringing wakes me up. That’s when I hear all hell breaking lose in the clubhouse. I see Posey’s picture pop on my phone and decide to find out what’s going on in the main room after I get off the phone with my daughter. “Hello?”
“Mommy.” She says in a whisper. I can tell she’s been crying, and I instantly go on alert. “They’ve got me. I don’t know who, I didn’t get a chance to see their faces, but…”
“Who baby? Where are you?” I try to stay calm, but I can hear the hysteria creeping into my voice. “Posey talk to me. What happened?”
“I was walking out towards Gavin’s car. I was running late. I was hit over the head. I think I’m in the trunk of a car. Please help me mommy. Get daddy.” She’s scared. I’m terrified.
“Okay baby girl. I’m going to get him now. Just hang tight. Mommy’s here.” I rush out of my office and into the main room.
“The car stopped. I’m so scared.” She says.
“Stay on the phone with me Posey.” I walk towards the main room. “ELIOT!” His head shoots towards me and I can tell he knows somethings happened. It’s all over his face. My eyes move over to a distraught Gavin. “It’s Posey.” The room goes quiet, and I put the phone on speaker.
“Posey. Baby girl. Daddy’s here. Where are you?” Eliot asks.
“I don’t know. They’re coming.” Posey says. We hear the thud of her phone dropping.
“We’re coming for you baby girl. Stay strong.” Eliot says. The attention of everyone in the room is on the phone. What happens next has my blood going ice cold.
“NO! Let me go! Please.” Posey’s hysterical voice comes through the phone.
“Shut the fuck up bitch.” A man’s voice that I don’t recognize comes over the line. I hear the struggle that she’s putting up. I hear the skin-on-skin contact. “What’s this? Who did you call?” He’s found the phone. The last thing I hear before the phone goes dead is my daughters screams. I drop to my knees. My daughter is gone. Someone has her.