I didn’t mean it when I told him I hated him. I was angry. I feel helpless. I felt that the one thing I could do was go to that address and get Posey back, but I wasn’t thinking. I was only thinking about getting Posey back. I wasn’t thinking about myself or the baby. I wasn’t thinking about what would happen to Eliot or Morgan if it were a trap and something happened to me. I just wasn’t thinking. He was right, I was madder about being caught than at him. I didn’t think of anything past getting out of the house without him knowing. I had a one-track mind that night.
I’m a terrible mother. How could I be so stupid as to not think of the baby that I’m carrying. I wasn’t thinking about anything other than getting her back. Eliot has every right to be mad at me. I know I hurt him with my words, but he knew I didn’t mean them. However, if that were the case, why wouldn’t he come home for three days?
It’s been three days since I’ve seen my husband. I don’t know what happened at the house that night. I’m assuming they didn’t get Posey, or she would have been brought to me as soon as they got back, or I would have been brought to her. So, not only has my husband been avoiding me, but my daughter also wasn’t there, and it was just a trap. I just wish he would come home and talk to me. I need to tell him how much I didn’t mean my words. I guess what they say about words cutting deep is true. He thought he hid the hurt my words did to him, but I saw it. Even if I was angry at the time.
“Hey mom, am I going to school today?” Morgan breaks me from my thoughts. He hasn’t been to school since Posey went missing three days ago. It’s now Monday. We decided to keep him out until we found her because we didn’t want anything to happen to him as well. I’m not entirely sure if we’re sending him to school yet or not. Eliot hasn’t said anything about not sending him, so I guess I’m just going to assume he’s going. “If so, I need to go soon. Ali is going to take all of us to school today.”
“Go ahead and get some lunch money out of my wallet. I’ll see you straight after school. Do not leave the building without someone with you. I mean it Morgan.” I say sternly.
“I know mom. I’ll see you after school. No leaving without someone from the club.” He says before walking out of the kitchen. When I hear the front door close, I release a deep breath. I need to go into work, but I just don’t feel like doing anything. I want to lay in bed until my daughter comes home. I can’t do that though. I can’t shut down. I have a baby to think about. I have Morgan and Eliot to think about. I can’t shut down and give into the anger at not being able to do anything but sit here. Eliot’s right. I need to think of my family and not just myself. I should have just told him about the text. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I wasn’t, and in the end, it cost me everything.
After getting dressed, I’ll make my way towards the clubhouse. Part of me hopes that I’ll see Eliot, but the other part doesn’t want to see the hurt in his eyes from what I said. I can only hope that my words don’t ruin what we have. I love him so freaking much and I don’t want the words I said while hurting to be the end of things. I don’t think they will, but that insecure girl inside of me, that was publicly humiliated, is taking longer to accept that we’re having our first fight. Not every relationship ends after one stinking fight. I know that, but I’m still scared.
After I get dressed in a pair of leggings and a long sleeve shirt, I push my feet into my boots and grab my jacket. I walk out to the driveway and get into my SUV, and Motor climbs in the passenger side.
The clubhouse is only a short drive, so it doesn’t take me long to get there. When I get there, I see Eliot’s truck in the parking lot. My stomach forms knots so tight, I think I might vomit. Does he even want to see me? Is he still mad at me? It’s been three days since I’ve seen him. I’ve slept like crap the entire time. Wallowing in self-pity and sadness. I did this to myself though. I’m the one that said horrible things to the one man that has been so supportive and loving.
I sit in my car for a few more minutes before I talk myself into just ripping off the band aid. The worst he can do is tell me to leave him alone. It’ll hurt, but I deserve it after what I’ve put him through, after all the things I’ve said. God, I sound like a broken record. Saying the same thing over and over in my head. I need to get a grip. I shut the car off and step out before making my way towards the clubhouse doors. When I walk in, my eyes instantly scan for Eliot. I find him by the bar talking to Westyn and Axyl. When the doors close behind me, all eyes turn to me.
“Ah! There’s my wife!” Eliot slurs. He’s drunk. “Figured you’d stay at the house.”
“I have to get some work done.” I mutter quietly. “Can we talk?” I meet his bloodshot eyes and think that maybe it’s not a good time to talk.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea right now.” Westyn interjects. “He’s been drinking, and things have already been said. There isn’t a reason to add more to the fire.”
“Doesn’t matter. She hates me anyways. She doesn’t even seem to care that she was going to put my kid in danger, while my daughter is out there somewhere. She doesn’t trust me when I say I’ll get her back. No, she wants to do things on her own.” Eliot says, throwing the liquor in his glass back. “She thinks she can do it on her own, maybe we should let her.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I was angry.” I say before taking off towards my office. Nothing I say will get through to him right now. I thought he knew that I didn’t mean it. His actions are speaking louder than anything right now. As soon as I sit down in my chair, my phone buzzes.
Unknown Number: You didn’t show up when I asked. Instead, you had someone else come. It’s a good thing I got away. Too bad you won’t see your daughter again. She’ll be long gone before anyone knows where she is, and no one is to blame but you.
I read through the text a few times before it finally registers in my brain. She’s really gone. We won’t be able to find her. It’s all my fault because I couldn’t even get away to save her. I ended up getting caught and making things so much worse. Sobs wrack my body. She’s never coming back. I’ve lost my baby girl. What am I going to do now? I’m devastated. I don’t even look up when my door bursts open. I don’t look up when arms wrap around me. “She’s gone.” It’s the only thing I can get out.
“Who’s gone Alanis? What happened?” It’s Axyl. He came after me. I wish it were my husband, but he wants nothing to do with me. My daughter is gone and I’m losing my husband.
“M-my b-baby g-girl. She’s g-gone!” I wail.
“We’ll get her back.” Axyl says, but I know it’s not true.
“No, you won’t. They’ve taken her. I got a text.” I manage to get out evenly. “My husband hates me, and my daughter is gone.” I need to get out of here. I can feel the walls closing in on me. I get up from Axyl’s arms and make my way through the door, leaving my phone behind. My purse is still in the car, so I don’t have to worry about that. I rush through the main room of the clubhouse and out the doors. I can’t go back home, not yet. I’m not wanted. I ignore the voices shouting at me as I jump in the car. I ignore the men trying to get me to stop when I take off. I don’t know where I’m going to go, but I need to go somewhere and be alone.
I drive around aimlessly for about an hour before I pull up to a hotel. I need space, I need to figure out my head. I need to grieve the loss of my daughter, and the possible loss of my husband. I need to think of my baby. I’m sure they’ll find me. I know they have trackers on all the ol’ lady’s cars in case something were to happen. They’ll know where I am. I just hope they give me the time I need. I walk into the hotel and get a room. I pay cash in case someone, that’s not part of the club, is trying to track my whereabouts. After I get to my room, I collapse on the bed in a fit of tears. I hate this. I hate not knowing where she is. I hate not to know where my relationship with Eliot stands. I just hate everything right now.
I don’t know how long I’ve been asleep, I didn’t even know I feel asleep, but the next thing I know, arms are coming around my waist. A hand gets placed on my stomach, and I know instantly who it is because the baby wakes up and starts moving around. I also know it’s Eliot because of his smell. I don’t know how he got here, but he’s here now, and I don’t want him to go anywhere. “I’m so sorry little minx. I know you didn’t mean what you said. The only thing we found at the house was an unconscious Megan. I’m just as angry as you are. I’m angry because we have no leads, and the only one that can give us information is knocked out.”
“I’m sorry too. I was just so angry. I thought I was doing the right thing.” I tell him honestly.
“I know babe. I know, but trust me when I say, we’ll get her back. I’m going to find out who sent those messages. I don’t care what that text said today, I’m not giving up and I know she’s out there. She’s strong just like her mother.” He tells me. I want to believe him, but can I?
“Can you just hold me for a while? I just want to forget for a minute and just be with you.” I tell him. I want everything to be back to normal. I want it all the way it was before Posey was taken. I want my other baby to still be alive. I want Megan dead for what she’s done to me. For making me lose my child.
“Whatever you need little minx. I love you so fucking much. Get some rest. I know you need it.” It doesn’t take me long to fall into the welcoming darkness that sleep offers. I just hope he’s right and we’ll find her.