I closed my eyes, resting between sets while Rihanna belted out lyrics about staying. Hollingbrook had a full gym, of course. The estate had just about everything a person could ever need to stay there and never venture off the grounds. The fitness equipment was one of the few modern things in the house.
Workouts were one of my go-tos when I was feeling stressed. I joined a gym after I moved to Rochester. My therapist recommended kickboxing. I ended up getting a full gym membership.
I sprung off the weight bench when something touched my arm. “Are you trying to give me a heart attack?!” I shrieked.
“I said your name multiple times,” Harland said.
I blinked, taking in his bare chest. Harland had a freakin’ eight pack. His perfectly sculpted chest and abs shone in the glow of the overhead lights, his tan skin covered in a thin layer of perspiration. My eyes dropped to the dark trail hair that started under his naval and disappeared into the waistband of his shorts.
“Like what you see?” he asked, an arrogant grin spreading across his face.
“Meh,” I muttered, shrugging my shoulders.
“Meh?” he growled.
“You’ve got a nice chest, I guess,” I said.
“Darn right I do. And this perfection extends inside my shorts, sweetheart.”
“Oh does it now?”
“You betcha, sexy lady.” His eyes roamed hungrily over my scantily clad body, covered in only a white spandex sports bra and tiny white spandex shorts. A shiver rippled down my spine, but it wasn’t from fear. It was excitement. I’d never felt aroused by a man checking out my body before.
“Do you wanna find a bedroom far away from my grandparents and get this done tonight?” I asked.
“Get what done?”
“We are not just going to get it done, Kinley. It’s not an unpleasant chore that we need to scratch off our to-do list.”
“Okay,” I said slowly, wiping my sweaty brow with my towel. “What do you have in mind?”
“We’re going to take it slow. That’s the only way this is gonna work. I’m gonna build up the anticipation until you’re bursting with pent-up with sexual frustration, and you beg me to fuck you.”
“Bring it on, Preppie.”
“You’re not ready, fire crotch.”
“What did I tell you about calling me that?”
“I told you how to stop me,” he teased, staring at my pussy. “Prove me wrong.”
“Because you said we were taking things slow.”
“Uh-huh,” he chuckled. “Nice save.”
“What are you doing down here?”
“I went for a run.”
“I see that.”
“I saw the lights on in here, and figured it was probably you.”
“My grandparents turned in early.”
“You have a very fit body, Kinley.”
“I work out. It helps with my stress.”
“Sex can alleviate stress.”
“Not when it’s causing a lot of it.”
“We can fix that.”
“I hope so.”
“Why don’t we get started right now?” he suggested.
“Because we’re all sweaty and gross.”
“There’s showers down here. Let’s get hosed off.”
“Isn’t there only one bathroom?” I asked.
“Yes. But there’s a partition between the stalls.”
“I don’t think so,” I laughed.
“Fine,” I said, sounding more courageous than I felt. But I had to do this. If I wanted any hope of ever having a healthy sexual relationship, I had to take this opportunity with Harland and run with it. He was the only man in the world who could do this for me.
He held the door open, gesturing for me to enter first. The bathroom was exactly like I remembered it, a glass block wall running the full length of one side and in between the shower stalls.
I gnawed on my lower lip, unsure how this little impromptu joint shower session was going to play out.
“Why don’t we undress in our stalls?” Harland suggested.
“What am I supposed to put on afterwards?”
He slid open the door of the large linen cupboard, producing two terry cloth robes.
“How long have those been in there?” I laughed.
He buried his nose in one of the robes. “They smell pretty fresh,” he shrugged, hanging one over each of the shower stall doors before disappearing inside. A moment later, he tossed his shorts and boxers over the top of the door.
I stepped inside my own stall, glancing up at the top of the divider. Harland could peek over it if he wanted to. That familiar feeling of dread settled in my gut, my insecurities taking over my brain like they always did when I was contemplating a sexual encounter.
Relax, Kinley. Sex isn’t on the agenda tonight.
I took a deep cleansing breath before pushing my sports bra over my head. My shorts and panties were next, joining Harland’s clothes in the heap outside the shower. I stepped under the warm spray, squirting body wash on my breasts.
“How’s it going over there?” Harland called.
“Are you naked?”
“No. I’m showering in my workout clothes.”
“Are you washing your breasts?”
“Is this going to be like phone sex, except in the shower, without the phone?”
He laughed. “Maybe.”
“I’m shampooing my giant bush.”
“That’s not sexy talk.”
“Really? Some men find pubic hair sexy.”
“Not this one.”
“That’s a shame,” I said. “Are you having second thoughts?”
“No, but I would prefer it if you got a bikini wax before we get to the naked part of this arrangement.”
I smiled as I soaped up my mound. “Harland!” I yelped, trying to cover all my bits when his head appeared at the top of the divider.
“You don’t have a big bush, Kinley.”
“I can’t believe you looked!”
“You’re welcome to look over here.”
I dried off and slipped into the robe before exiting the shower. Harland was already out, leaning against the counter, his hairy legs disappearing under his robe.
“I saw you naked,” he said, grinning like a fool.
“I plan on it.” He wiggled his eyebrows, his gaze dropping to my bare legs. “But not tonight.”
I tugged on the hem of my robe, feeling awkward and self-conscious while my stepbrother stared at me like I was his next meal. I wonder what my teenage self would think if she knew that one day she’d be standing in the gym bathroom with Harland, half-naked and waiting for him to drag her off somewhere and have his way with her.
He stepped forward, capturing my hand. “Ready?”
“Where are we going?”
“The media room.”
“Are we going to watch a movie?”
I swallowed past the lump in my throat when we stepped into the theatre, sadness washing over me. I never made it on my sixteenth birthday. My friends gathered there to watch movies and eat popcorn while my stepfather raped me. They came to my room to say goodbye the next morning. That was the last time I ever saw them. I deleted all my social media accounts after I ran away, cutting off all contact.
“Are you okay?” Harland asked.
“We can go somewhere else.” He narrowed his eyes. “Nothing happened in here, did it?”
“Good. I don’t want to gut this room.”
“What movie are we going to watch?”
“I don’t know,” he shrugged, pulling open a cupboard in the kitchenette. “Do you want a drink?”
“Don’t go anywhere,” he ordered before disappearing down the hallway. He returned a moment later with a bottle of wine. “I was going to take one of my dad’s most cherished bottles, but I decided to save that for the big night.”
“The big night?”
“When we make love.”
“It’s sex, Harland. That’s it.”
“Ouch,” he whined, rubbing his chest over his heart. “I have feelings, you know.”
“Stop it,” I laughed.
He filled two flutes, placing them on a side table before settling in one of the leather recliners. “Come sit,” he said, patting his lap.
“You want me to sit on your lap?”
“Well, yeah. I can’t exactly make out with you if we’re sitting in different chairs.”
I stared at his lap. Was this what I really wanted? Sex with my stepbrother. I had to stop dwelling on who he was, and focus on the task at hand. Harland was a man who was willing to help me work through my sexual problems. He was the son of the monster who raped me. If I could have an orgasm with Harland, in the house where all my bad memories resided, then I would consider myself cured.
I sat down on his lap, perching awkwardly on his knee. He wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me back against his chest before reclining the chair. “That’s better,” he whispered, moving my wet hair off my neck before pressing a soft kiss under my ear. “You smell good.”
“What are the movie options?” I asked, my voice coming out a little shaky.
“Relax,” he murmured, linking our fingers together. “We’re just hanging out, getting comfortable with each other.”
I snagged one of the glasses, downing half of the contents in one gulp. He grabbed the remote control, powering on the jumbo screen. “I can’t believe how ancient the technology is in here.”
“Dukes of Hazzard,” I said. “I never got to see that movie. We were supposed to watch it the night of my sweet sixteen. My friends watched it without me.”
“Dukes of Hazzard it is,” he declared, starting the movie.
We were about twenty minutes in when I felt Harland’s hand rubbing my bare calf. I froze when he slipped it under my robe, caressing my knee
“Relax,” he whispered.
“I don’t know how. This is what always happens.”
“Tonight is just about learning to relax and get outside of your own head. You need to shut your brain off and just feel. Close your eyes.”
My heart was racing, my breaths coming out in rapid bursts while I waited to see what he would do next. He feathered light kisses up my neck while he stroked the sensitive flesh of my inner thigh.
I was actually getting wet! Just from him kissing my neck. That never happened.
And then he opened his mouth.
“I wanna make you feel good,” he whispered.
I was sixteen again, alone in the pool house with my stepfather. I jumped off his lap, running for the door.
“Kinley! Come back!”
“I’m sorry,” I said, my hand frozen on the doorknob while I decided if I was going to run away or face this demon head-on.
“Don’t be sorry, sweetheart. Tell me what I did wrong.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” I sighed. “Your voice is similar to his, and that’s exactly what he said to me that night.”
“What a scumbag,” he muttered. “The only person he was interested in making feel good was himself.”
“I’d like to try again,” I whispered, turning away from the door. “But I need to keep my eyes open. I need to know it’s you and not him.”
“Okay. But I can’t do much about my voice.”
He held out his hand, his dreamy blue eyes locking on mine. Kind, caring eyes of a man who I knew wouldn’t hurt me. The only man on the planet I could trust with my body. I couldn’t explain the rationale behind it. Harland Hollingbrook should’ve been the last man on the planet to get between my legs. But I wanted him there. Needed him there.
I let him lead me back to the chair, settling beside him with my legs across his lap. He lifted my hand, pressing his lips to my knuckles. “Ready to finish the movie?” he asked.
“No,” I whispered, blowing out a shaky breath.
“You’re not enjoying it?”
“I am, but I’d rather play with you.”
“Oh yeah?” He scratched the back of his head, laughing nervously. “What part of me do you wanna play with?”
“Your nipples.” I slid my hand inside his robe, running my fingers over his chest. He closed his eyes, a satisfied groan rolling off his chest when I rubbed his nipple with my thumb. I leaned forward, drawing the tight little bud between my teeth.
“That feels so good,” he whispered, combing his fingers through my hair.
“I can tell how much you’re enjoying it,” I murmured when I felt his erection poking into the back of my thigh.
“Sorry. He has a mind of his own.”
He braced his hands on my hips, hauling me onto his lap before our mouths crashed together. I straddled his waist, losing myself in the moment as our tongues thrashed together. His cock found it’s way between my legs, the only thing between us was his robe, the terry cloth rubbing against my sensitive flesh while I grinded against him.
My mind was at war with my body, that monster and the memory of what he did trying to break free from my subconscious while my pussy ached to filled and pleasured.
I could move his robe out of the way. I was wet enough that he’d slide right inside me.
The smell of chlorine invaded my senses.
My thighs burned where his fingers dug in.
I jumped out of the chair, sobbing with frustration as I bolted from the room.