Chapter One
"I am Cherub Bloomstar, 18 years of age and from Greenville village. I am a first year student and will be staying at Azalea Feminine house." That was my introduction in our virtual and the first meeting in our class.
We couldn't attend classes for our first week and hence the authorities decided on us using the week to get to know each other as well as our lecturers so far.
Yes, that's all I could say about myself since I didn't really know what I enjoyed doing. I wasn't sure what exactly makes me happy because for almost all my life I've been living as an innocent and holy girl that only had other people's interest at heart.
Not that I was, it's just that I was raised to be. I grew up attending Sunday school and then church for almost all of my Sundays and yeah I got used to it. I even went on my own or took my sibling along without my mother because with time she stoped going to church totally. And at that time she was no longer in the churchgoing spirit. She did all the things church-forbidden and had friends that I didn't quite like, but it was not my place to say. If I ever mentioned it then I would have rendered myself homeless or something. I could never stand up to my mother not because I didn't want to, but because I hated to disturb my peace which is what happened to anyone who spoke up against her. Well, even an innocent advice or idea didn't guarantee you won't be told something you'll like, or what will make you feel alright.
I always found talking to my mother about almost anything useless and hence I never did, because nothing you say ever happens. She had so much anger, insecurities and bad energy in her, so much that she couldn't handle herself and ended up taking it out on all of us. How do you make a mother that never listens to you or anyone feel better? My mom was never the best mother in the world, she wouldn't even rate seven on the scale of up to ten, she wasn't the worst either. Or maybe that's the daughterly love talking there, who knows because I could never get myself to hate or be mad at her for long no matter how hard I would try. So I stopped, I stopped giving much attention to her insults, her hurtful words or even the promises she made and never fulfilled. I stopped waiting for change until I forgot I ever looked for it.
Not that I was, it's just that I was raised to be. I grew up attending Sunday school and then church for almost all of my Sundays and yeah I got used to it. I even went on my own or took my sibling along without my mother because with time she stoped going to church totally. And at that time she was no longer in the churchgoing spirit. She did all the things church-forbidden and had friends that I didn't quite like, but it was not my place to say. If I ever mentioned it then I would have rendered myself homeless or something. I could never stand up to my mother not because I didn't want to, but because I hated to disturb my peace which is what happened to anyone who spoke up against her. Well, even an innocent advice or idea didn't guarantee you won't be told something you'll like, or what will make you feel alright.
I always found talking to my mother about almost anything useless and hence I never did, because nothing you say ever happens. She had so much anger, insecurities and bad energy in her, so much that she couldn't handle herself and ended up taking it out on all of us. How do you make a mother that never listens to you or anyone feel better? My mom was never the best mother in the world, she wouldn't even rate seven on the scale of up to ten, she wasn't the worst either. Or maybe that's the daughterly love talking there, who knows because I could never get myself to hate or be mad at her for long no matter how hard I would try. So I stopped, I stopped giving much attention to her insults, her hurtful words or even the promises she made and never fulfilled. I stopped waiting for change until I forgot I ever looked for it.
That was the best choice for me, and that made her half-proud of me. "She still listens to me like a four-year old." She'd say to her friends with the biggest grin and a look of pride in her eyes, whilst my heart sank and felt heavy with all that I couldn't relieve it of. Dang! I'm never doing this 'be the bigger person' thingy with anyone ever again. It hurts, badly.
