Chapter 49: Lisa Talks To Gunner
Take the tray back. I am not hungry. I watched as Sara picked up the tray and walked out the door. I closed the door and locked it.
I sat down in the chair and looked out the window. I watched as Psycho worked. My heart was breaking. I love him so much. But now I know what he has done. I don't feel like his wife.
Why didn't he talk to me about how he was feeling? We could have worked this out. I looked over at Gunner. Then back to Psycho.
I feel like I am his whore. Not his wife. He doesn't want to have a child. At least not with me. He never told me he didn't want to be a father.
If he tries to tell me that we will have a baby, I can't do it now. I know our relationship has changed now. He has lied to me. I can't trust him anymore.
I know he loves me in his own way. But is it really love or is it lust? I saw him look up at the window. I decided that I would sleep on the couch.
I can't sleep in the same bed as Psycho. Not now. Not until I figure my emotions out. He lied about wanting a baby, is he lying about how much he loves me.
My mind is telling me that he can't love me if he doesn't want to have a baby with me. It was getting dark outside. I heard the door open but I didn't turn my back.
I walked in the room and saw the bed empty. I shut the door and looked over to see Jeannie looking out the window. I walked over to her but I didn't touch her.
"I'm sorry Jeannie."
I didn't say anything. I just walked over and climbed into the bed. I watched as he came out of the shower and lay down. I didn't stop him from pulling me to him.
I decided that if I am his whore, I will be his whore. I leaned down and kissed her. The kiss was not the same. I moved my hands down her body.
I soon heard her moaning. I made love to Jeannie but something had changed. She made love to me like I was a stranger.
"Jeannie, I love you."
"Do you, Psycho?"
"I can't be sure of that. I can't be sure that you aren't lying about that as well."
"I do know that I can't trust you anymore."
"I will put your mind at easy."
"I will take the birth control pills. Because I know longer want a child from you."
"I now understand that I am your wife in the eyes of everyone, but secretly I am just your whore."
"After all, whores are not supposed to get pregnant."
I looked at her in shock. She is not my whore. She is my wife. I watched as she rolled over on her side facing the wall. What the fuck have I done.
The next morning I was already up and dressed. I was sitting in the chair waiting for Psycho to wake up. I miss what we had. Now it is gone.
I slowly opened my eyes and reached for Jeannie. She is not there. I sat up and saw her dressed and sitting in the chair. "How long have you been up?"
"I am waiting for you to get up for breakfast."
"You didn't have to wait for me."
"Yes I did. I am your wife in front of the club. But your whore at night."
I took a shower and dressed. I reached for her hand but she turned and walked out the door to the bar. When we walked into the kitchen she got her plate and coffee and sat down.
The members looked over at us but Jeannie showed no emotions. You could cut the atmosphere with a knife. Morning Jeannie some members said.
"What the hell is so good about it?"
I took three bites of food and threw it away. I rinsed the plate and put it in the dishwasher. I emptied the cup and put it in the dishwasher and walked out the kitchen door.
I walked over to the gym. I put on boxing gloves and started working out. I then put on my head phones and walked out the door. I started jogging around the club.
When I ran two miles I walked back to the gym and started lifting weights. As Gunner and I watched her walk back into the gym he looked at me.
"What the fuck is going on?"
"Gunner, last night she said, I married her to make it look good for the club but secretly, I thought of her as my whore."
"What that hell does that mean?"
"I will tell you what that means Lisa said."
"It means that Psycho for the last four years did not treat her as his wife. Instead of talking to her about his feelings and fears of having a baby he lied to her."
"He snuck her birth control pills for four years. That is what you do to the whores around here."
"Jeannie doesn't trust herself let alone Psycho anymore."
"She doesn't even know if he really loves her."
"She is slowly withdrawing again. Oh, she will play her part as a whore at night, but during the day in front of the club members she is his wife."
"However, she is closing her emotions off."
"I have seen this in the service. She is going to shut down any love she had for anyone."
"She is going to be cold hearted. Angry, not trust anyone."
"She told me she loved you Psycho, but she doesn't even know if she can believe you didn't cheat on her."
"I never cheated and never will."
"How is she to know that? After all you lied to her for four years, and you snuck her birth control pills the whole time."
"Don't expect her to be lovey dovely any more. That is another thing she is shutting down."