Chapter 1
Nathan's Point of View
Swipe.
Swipe.
I roll my eyes and toss my phone down. The last thirty minutes of my life, wasted on yet another dating app. I run my hands over my face and through my hair as I sigh. Half of these accounts are clearly fake, the other half looking for marriage tomorrow. Why was it so hard to find something casual but real?
Five months had passed since I'd left Serenity. Despite her continuous texting and calling, I am not going back. I deserve better than she could ever give me, or maybe better than she even wanted to give me. For all of her "I love yous" our whole relationship (eight years to be exact) consisted of nothing but her telling me how stupid, ugly, and awful I was. That's not to mention the physical things I endured. However, the second I tried to leave or find happiness she always claimed to have changed or at least be willing to try harder. It took me years to finally see her for who she was. A narcissist. An abuser.
The only thing good to come out of being with Serenity was our son, Levi. He was the reason I finally left. I will spend the rest of my life protecting this boy from her and anyone else who might cause him pain. Luckily, little man is safe from his mother for a few more years.
I shake my head, trying to clear the thoughts of Serenity from my mind. It was a dark thought process and I get lost in it too easily. I have no time to deal with the anger the memories brought. I have to get back on track.
I reluctantly reach for my phone, again. Samantha, 26, 3 miles, loves to party. Swipe left. Nichole, 29, 12 miles, loves pumpkin spice and tired of the games. Swipe left. Tatiana, 27, 1428 miles, no bio. Obvious swipe left, considering all of her photos appeared to be stolen straight from a swimsuit magazine I had hidden under my bed when I was thirteen.
Honestly, this was tedious. I'm not overly picky. As a single father, I have to be cautious of who I bring in to Levi's life. His own mother was proof of that. Don't give up, Nate, I tell myself. I swipe through a few more girls before I finally see her.
Kait, 28, 15 miles, loves history and hates pumpkin spice anything. I watch scary movies at night by myself but you can join if you want. Bring nachos. Yes, my glasses are real.
Her photos were gorgeous, mostly selfies with a few vacation pics thrown in. She had long dark brown hair, golden brown eyes, olive skin, and glasses that gave her the appearance of a sexy (albeit classy) librarian. I couldn't help myself from scrolling back and forth over her photos. She looked like she could be a model, but also as if she had no idea how gorgeous she really was.
I took a deep breath and swiped right. My anxiety suddenly high, wondering if there was any way she would actually match with me. My self confidence had taken a huge blow from being with Serenity for so long. I know I'm an attractive man, with my reddish hair and honey colored eyes. The pale Irish in me definitely showed through my skin, with a slight tan leftover from summer fun. The issue was the constant cheating and defamation of my character from Serenity that has me questioning ever since if I'm actually a catch or just not worth the time.
I've only been on this app for a couple of months and I've met with a few different women, but I never heard from any of them again about anything other than hooking up again. I want less than a marriage but more than just a hookup. I get lonely and want to be able to have a conversation. My friends joke that I'm a pussy for complaining about girls wanting to just hook up. I mean, I know it's comical. The roles are usually reversed.
I check the time and realize that Levi will be waking up in about half an hour. Fuck, I think to myself. I need to get started on dinner. I mentally beat myself up for letting him nap this late in the day, knowing damn well i will regret it when he stays up all night.
Ding.
I look back down at the phone and see the notification for a new match. I swipe my phone unlocked quickly to check and almost drop it, shocked to see that my new match is the stunning Kait. I stare at the phone for a few seconds, trying to decide what to do from here. Should I message her now, or does that look too desperate? I'm honestly feeling a little desperate at the moment. I could always go start dinner and then casually send her a "hey" after a while. I mean, I would hate to start a conversation with her now and then have to stop because my daddy duties are calling. I laugh to myself, you're assuming she would even respond, Nate.
Ding.
I've got to stop getting lost in thought. I get so in to my own head and inner dialogue sometimes that I swear the whole day gets lost.
New message from Kait!
I tap on the notification to once again see her gorgeous face and a short and sweet little message from her.
Hey, handsome! How was your day?
I quickly type back: You are absolutely gorgeous! My day was pretty good. How about yours?
I see the text bubble start and stop, start again, then stop. I watch for a few more seconds and nothing happens. I audibly groan.
It's just as well since I hear a little whimper from the next room and then my little guy calls out "Daaaddy!"
I throw my phone down on to my bed and go in to Levi's room. I'll have to figure out something quick and easy for dinner.
I pull my son out of his bed, change his diaper, and put him in the gated playroom. Gated for his safety and my peace of mind.
I go back to my room and grab my phone before heading to the kitchen.
Dinner, bath, play time, then hours of trying to get Levi back to bed.
Bring it.
