My Twisted Lovers - Book Two of The Forbidden Lust

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Chapter 104

HELENA’S P.O.V.

I don’t want to be here, it’s too soon. I don’t want to see him, I’m not ready.

My phone buzzes but I don’t check it as I pull on my uniform, I’m sure it’s probably just Mum or Brie again. I’m just not up to talking to any of them at the moment. I wouldn’t be here at all if the staff manager didn’t call for all hands on deck, I’m not sure why she needed everyone for a Saturday afternoon but I knew if I didn’t show up I wouldn’t have a job come tomorrow morning.

Right now I didn’t have many other options. I don’t think my boss was going to be okay with the ‘your son broke my heart so can I please have a few more days off until the black hole in my chest starts to close please’ thing.

Chris stopped calling a few days ago, I hadn’t answered one call. I deleted messages before I read them. I couldn’t trust what he had to say anymore and reading his lies would only upset me further.

He promised, he promised that he’d tell them, that we’d be together finally. I know he loved his family, I never want him to lose them, especially after losing my sister the way I did, but I needed him to do something.

She’s who I need right now, she was always the strong one, where I was the emotional mess. Dealing with emotion isn’t something I’m good at, all the razor cuts on my legs can tell you that. After I lost her I made myself keep going for mum, but I wasn’t living, not really. I was always just surviving until I met him.

Christopher saved me. I didn’t know who he was when we met, he was just a cute boy I thought was volunteering at the hospital. I didn’t realise his family owned the wing.

We sat and talked for ages, two broken souls who just happened to find each other. His Dad was sick, my sister was dead, neither of us had anyone to talk to so we confided in the stranger next to us. I never expected him to use his connections to hunt me down after I left that day but he did.

Everything happened so quickly from there, I was swept off my feet and fell completely in love, not that I told him – those three words were the last I said to my sister and I haven’t been able to bring myself to say them to anyone else since. He knew though, how could he not?

It didn’t change anything though did it, when the moment came he couldn’t pick me. No-one ever picked me. I’m the left over, everyone always said that Elle was the smart one, the funny one, the pretty one. People don’t say it but I know they think; it would’ve been better if I was the one to die that night at the school.

Don’t worry guys, I think so too.

Some of the girls give me sympathetic nods as I walk through, although I’m not sure why. There’s only one person here that knows about me and Christopher, she must have told them about me having a break up but just not mentioned who it was with. I was grateful that they’ve all covered for me this week, we look out for each other here.

I look over at the main hallway, my heart pounding at the thought of who I’ll find at the end. I don’t want to see him and I most definitely don’t want to see her.

My breath races as my chest pumps, my legs refuse to take the step forward I’m begging them too and I know I’m on the verge of collapse when suddenly my arm is caught by a familiar set of hands.

“Roof, now.”

She pulls me and my weighted legs follow as we walk to the long narrow staircase at the back of the storage cupboard, her tiny frame using everything she has to pull me to the top of what seems like never ending steps until finally she throws open the fire door and we step into the bright sunlight and crisp cold air of outside, the wind stronger being up so high on the roof of this mansion.

Rayna pulls me into her arms and holds me tight, her long black locks suffocating me as the wind blows them directly into my mouth with every breath, but I don’t care. The scent of nicotine and tar surrounds me and I realise she hadn’t even waited to let go before lighting up her cigarette.

Me and Rayna became friends almost instantly, she hasn’t been here that much longer than me and we’re roughly the same age so we felt a bit odd amongst all the oldies that have been here for years. She works the whole house like me, it didn’t take her long to figure out about me and Christopher since she was the one in charge of cleaning his bedroom. The evidence that I was spending my nights there was clear to her, I trusted her not to say anything so I never denied it. He doesn’t know she knows though.

“Want me to poison his food? Put itching powder in his sock drawer? Just say the word and I will release fire ants directly onto his mattress.” I appreciated her attempts to make me feel better, but I was too far gone for that. My heart hurt like it had a weight wrapped around it and it made my chest tight every time I even thought of Christopher.

I shake my head against her and step back, the smell of her smoke hurting my body worst than it already was.

“I’m sorry they called you in babe, I tried to get you out of it but it’s kind of an all person job today since it’s so last minute. I’ve made them promise to keep you in the house though, they’re having the party on the lawn and I won’t make you serve it.”

I look at her completely confused, peering over her shoulder I notice the back lawn has lots of white tables and chairs set up, all with pink and blue decorations. “What’s the party for?”

Rayna freezes. “Oh fuck, you don’t know... Shit! I thought you would’ve seen on the group chat, I thought that was why you were out. Quick, take one of these.” She offers me a cigarette, which I immediately refuse. “Babe, you’re going to need it.”

I refuse again, she shakes her head at me but it feels more like she’s shaking it at the fact she’s found herself in this situation.

“The party... it’s a baby shower.”

No.

“It’s Christopher and Emma’s baby shower, I’m so sorry Helena.”

No. No. He wouldn’t do that, it’s not his baby... He just needed time, he said he just needed time to fix it. He wants to be with me... He loves me...

My heart shatters, the hole in my chest only growing as I hear the hustle and bustle of excited guests arriving outside.

He’s going to stay isn’t he? He’s going to stay here with her and be miserable, he’d rather do that than tell them about me... That’s how little I matter...

I hadn’t realised I’d dropped to the floor until Rayna had wrapped herself around me, her smoke covered breath making me want to gag and only adding to the nausea I now feel.

It’s not his baby... I would’ve had his baby... I would’ve been everything to him... Yet again, I wasn’t good enough. He didn’t pick me... I bet he would’ve picked Elle.

“Babe? BABE?!” Rayna’s voice cuts through the static in my head, my heart beating so fast I can’t catch my breath. I didn’t mean to, without thinking I turn to the side and throw up the toast mum made me this morning. “Oh fuck. Helena, I’m so sorry. I’ll cover for you, I don’t know how but I will. You need to go home, okay?”

I nod, my body shaking uncontrollably. How can someone you love hurt you like this? Why? No, I’m not going home. I want to know why, I want to hear it from him.

“Where’s Christopher?” I ask, trying to hold back the bile that is rising in my throat from emptying its way out of me again.

She shakes her head again. “I’m not sure, Clarisse had one of the girls bring him to her office earlier but I’m guessing he’ll be outside by now welcoming the guests. Babe, I don’t think you should see him, not while you’re like this.”

No, I have to see him, he needs to explain to me why he’s doing this.

I climb out of Rayna’s arms, avoiding the puddle on the floor and making quick work of the stairs. I almost fall in my light headed state, the dark voices from three years ago suddenly back with a vengeance.

You’re not worthy.

Shut up.

You should’ve died that night, not her.

Shut up!

You’ll never be worthy of love while her blood is on your hands. Who could ever love someone who couldn’t get to their sister? Who left her to die because they were so pathetic and afraid?

I was just a kid... I needed him to save me.

No one’s saving you this time Helena.

Don’t listen, remember what the doc said, you are not responsible for things outside your control. You are not responsible for things outside your control. You are not responsible for things outside your control.

I’m not sure how I made it to the door of Clarisse’s office, I don’t even remember coming back into the house. I listen by the dark mahogany wood but there’s no sound from the other side, there’s no one in there.

“What are you doing Helena?”

I jump, Clarisse standing a few feet away from me with a look that could kill on sight as she stares down at me. The stench of vomit is so strong on my breath I can smell it as I talk, the smell making me feel the need to do it again.

“I’m sorry Madam, I was just going to see if you need anything before the party started but I don’t want to intrude if you were in an important meeting so I-”

“You’ve been shirking your responsibilities for the week, having the staff pretend you’re here when you’re not, then you come back just to snoop outside my office door? I’m very disappointed in you Helena... I’ve treated you well, have I not?” I nod, despite the fact she’s treated me with the same disregard she shows all her staff. Of course she knew I wasn’t here, nothing gets past this witch. “Yet this is how you repay me?... I think your time here has come to an end, wouldn’t you agree? It doesn’t seem appropriate to keep you around now Christopher has lost his use for you.”

Wait...

She knew. She knew about us.. His use for me? “Christopher loves me.” I didn’t mean to say it, I don’t even know where it came from, my voice is so weak I barely heard the words but she definitely did. Her loud laughter echoes through these empty halls.

“Oh dear, you believe that don’t you? My god girl, you’re the help! All my boys fuck the help, you’re nothing special. I let it slide whilst Emma was away and he needed the distraction but we both agree this infatuation of yours has gone far enough. Now, I was going to give you until the end of the day but considering the state on you I think it’s best you go now, before you make this any worse. Don’t forget anything Helena, you won’t be coming back.”

The both of them? Christopher thinks what we have is infatuation?

No. He loves me, I know he does. He wouldn’t go through with this willingly, he never wanted to be with Emma, he loves me.

I push past her, the evil bitch standing firm as I scurry down the stairs. I need to see him. Stomping through the kitchen I see a tray of baby carriage shaped cookies, which I pick up and carry to mix in with the other servers. Clarisse won’t make a scene in front of guests, if I’m out there I can grab Christopher when he’s alone and talk to him. She can’t stop me.

The guests have all arrived, Clarisse having already made her way outside so I stay to the edges, offering the cookies to passers by. I can see Emma is already here too, her large baby bump proudly on display in a skin tight blue dress. She’s smiling, but it doesn’t meet her eyes, an air of uncertainty surrounding her as she is shuffled from person to person.

I scan every face for Christopher but he is no where to be seen, until chatter at the other side of the garden pulls my attention and I turn to see him arriving, accompanied by his brother - not the evil one.

His mother approaches him quickly, whispering something in his ear that makes him freeze in his tracks, his body stiff before she pulls back and takes his hand, leading him over to the microphone set up at the front. Emma is already standing there waiting as Clarisse takes to the mic.

“Thank you all so much for coming to celebrate our latest little Vanderbilt.” The crowd breaks out into applause but all I can hear is my own heartbeat pounding in my ears as I look at Christopher. He looks tired but the smile on his face is bigger than any I’ve seen before. He really is happy... “Now you all know by boy hates public speaking, so we’re going to do the speeches first to spare him the agony of waiting.” They all laugh as she steps back and Christopher steps up to the mic, his hand reaching out for Emma’s, who takes it gladly and interlocks their fingers.

My heart breaks all over again at the sight, the tears running down my face as I can’t help but stare at them. They’re so perfect together... a perfect little family.

“Thank you Mum. I hope you’ll forgive me but I’ve written down what I had to say earlier, the off the cuff speeches were never my speciality.” The party chuckles, all entranced by the same charm I was all that time ago. “Emma, we have known each other our whole lives. You were seven years old the first time you told me one day we’d have a baby together. When we got married it was the happiest I thought I could ever be, that was until the day you told me we were going to become parents. Knowing you’re growing a life that is half me and half you is the most glorious gift you could’ve ever given me. I am a man of few words but just know this, family is everything to me. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to protect the ones I love and Emma... I love you most of all. You are my family, no-one else.”

The tray slips from my hand, the cookies scatter across the grass but nobody notices as they stare up at the happy couple, two people so in love they can overcome any hurdle. He never said the words to me, I knew he loved me but we never said the words. He said them to her... He’s staying, he’s having a baby with her.

I run, just turn and run, I don’t stop until I find somewhere quiet. I hear Rayna shout something to me on my way through the kitchen but I don’t stop. It’s still too loud in here. The tears stream down my face as I spot the door to the storage cupboard from earlier, the pain from my heart over taking my body until I feel nothing else but the weight of it all. Even taking a step inside the cupboard causes my limbs to cry out in agony.

Why? Why must everyone hurt me? Why can’t anyone just love me?

It’s too suffocating in here, I need air. I can’t go back out there, I need air. I can’t run from this place, I need air.

My body begins to crawl the staircase, each step making the pain in my heart ricochet throughout my body and bounce back. So much hurt, I just want it to stop...

Pushing open the door at the top I’m hit with the wind that’s even stronger than it was earlier. I continue to crawl, the gravel on the roof cutting into my palms and knees with each attempt to get further out into the air. I can’t feel it, I can’t feel it anymore.

It became too much, the switch that flipped that night after Elle died coming back again. Turning it all off until finally, there’s silence.

I don’t cry anymore. I don’t let it hurt. I get up and I walk.

Each step towards the edge I let it go, I let it all go. I was always going to end up like this, I was never supposed to be without her. I’m supposed to be with her, she’s my sister.

The wall at the edge of the building is higher than I thought but I still manage to step up onto the ledge. It’s so small, my feet barely able to sit on the narrow row of bricks.

There’s music now, laughter too. They’re happy, everyone’s happy. I guess it’s easy when there’s no blood on your hands to keep you from embracing the joys of life. The wind blows again and I lean forward, my body dangling off the side of the building before it blows me back again. It’s not that far down but it’s solid, it probably won’t even hurt.

I want them to feel it. I want them to try clean the blood from their hands... my blood.

Looking out at the party I see him, standing at the centre, his beautiful wife at his side as they smile at their guests. The pain tries to leak back in but I don’t let it. I don’t want to feel, I just want it all to go away. I want quiet.

“Christopher...” I try to shout but my voice comes out as a whisper.

You have to be stronger. I punch my stomach, the hollow hole filling with my fist as I force myself to pay attention. Be stronger you stupid bitch!

“CHRISTOPHER!” The sound of the party becomes quiet, the gasps fill the air as the guests turn to face me. My hands grip the pillar next to me, blood dripping from my finger tips as I claw at the concrete trying to stay upright.

He sees me, I know he does. He tries to shout something as he runs towards the building but the wind carries it away before it reaches me. Distant cries fill my ears, screams I think I recognise but can’t bring myself to face.

My eyes leak again as a twinge of fear rushes through me whilst I force my hand from the pillar, all that’s keeping me here now is my feet balancing on a brick wide ledge.

It’s time Helena, you’re ready. You’re ready to be with her.

“I’m ready to be with you Elle.”

He’s closer now, his blurred figure still moving but I can’t see him anymore through my tears.

I take a deep breath, the last one I’ll ever take before I release the words that have kept me in this place.

“I love you Christopher.”

And with a final step I begin my fall....

The air surrounds my body as it guides me gently to the ground and I open it up to let in the pain but that’s not what hits me.

My whole body overwhelmed with something completely different... Love.

I see the face of my sister, my mum, the girls that used to be friends I’ve come to call family, I see Brie and Rayna, I see my aunts and the boy from the post office that always smiles at me. I see my fourth grade teacher giving me my reward for being first, my grandmother crying as she ate my first attempt at her cake, the kind boy who rescued me at the shooting. I see the love that has surrounded me my whole life that I’ve ignored.

I don’t want to go anymore.

I claw and grasp at the air, I try to find anything to stop me falling but there’s nothing. There’s nothing to stop me now.

Soon it all becomes black, the fear and love merging until I have nothing left to give.

I don’t feel my body hit the floor, I don’t hear the screams, I don’t smell the blood. As the blackness calls I only hear my own voice, a silent cry for forgiveness.

I’m so sorry mum.

***********************

BRIE’S P.O.V.

I can’t breathe. My arms still shaking as Connor continues to ask me what’s happened but I can’t answer him.

My phone continues to ring in my hand whilst I can’t do anything but stare at it.

Connor prises it from my grasp as it lights up once again, my body numb since the moment Christopher started talking. Helena... The tears rush down my face, Connors voice coming more into focus as he crouches down in front of me.

“Brie, it’s Tara, she says it’s an emergency. The police have been trying to call you. You have to talk to her.”

He holds the phone to my ear but I can’t force out any words, my body still in shock. I manage to grunt to let her know I’m here as she begins to talk.

“Brie?! Hannah has been trying to call you non stop... Brie they finished the investigation of the bug dear, she needs you to call her for the details but... you need to know babe. The brakes, they didn’t fail.

They were cut Brie. Someone cut your brakes.

They were trying to kill you.”


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