“Arghh... Fuck...” I moan into the sheets, my fingers gripping the end of the mattress.
The sensation is overwhelming, he adds a second finger, then a third, all the time keeping the flicks of his tongue strong.
I can hold out anymore, it’s too fucking good. I pray to God he doesn’t stop as I begin to force myself back onto him. He smirks against my skin before using his spare hand to grasp the side of my hip and encourage my thrusting against him.
My whole body becomes undone as the air in the room becomes so moist with our desire I could drink it in.
His hand leaves my hip and as I look between my open legs I watch it take hold of his hard cock and begin to pump it behind me. The spectacular view pushes me over the edge I’ve been sitting on.
I can’t stop it, my screams keep flooding out along with my cum until my legs collapse from the intensity of such a powerful orgasm.
Laying flat out on the bed I can feel every part of me shake, my breath is so erratic I’m not convinced I’m actually getting any oxygen as his hand begins soothing over my sweat drenched skin until it reaches my hair. He grips it tightly and pulls me until I’m laying on my side with him behind me, his dick sitting at my entrance.
“Antonio... I need... I can’t... not again...”
He smirks as he leans into my neck and kisses my pulsing vein.
“You can and you will amore.”
With that he thrusts in hard. Holy fucking shit! Tugging my tied arms above my head he makes me hold onto the headboard, before he wraps his arms around my waist and begins to pull my pussy down onto his cock with each deep, penetrating thrust he makes.
He fills me completely, he’s so fucking big my walls are squeezing around him without me even trying. As he takes me to the hilt once more I scream, my hands fly out from the headboard and send the lamp from the bedside table crashing across the room until it shatters to pieces with a bang.
Neither of us react to the smash as he starts to move even faster, holding my hands to my chest now, he pulls me down to meet each and every fucking stab of his sword. Penetrating me so deep I don’t know where I end and he begins.
He’s doing it, he’s making it all fade away. All the pain, all the hurt, all the heartbreak. It’s all gone, every bit until all that’s left is him.
I can feel him drawing near as his thrusts become more ruthless, my hole stretched to its capacity as he swells under his impending orgasm.
“Together this time amore... together...”
I roll my hips in circles as he viciously takes hold of my waist, digging his nails into my skin while he slams into me over and over again.
“Antonio... so... fucking... fast...”
I can’t get my words out, I can’t even fucking breathe but he still doesn’t relent until my orgasm hits me like a punch to the face. I almost brake the chain of his necklace with the way my body convulses against him, I have no control over what’s happening to me and the sensation only increases as he unloads into me entirely, his hot sticky white cum slipping out of my hole and along his dick with the final thrusts he has to give me.
There are no fucking words in the English fucking language that can explain what this man just did to me.
We just lay there, my eyes slipping shut as I try to recover from the war of passion my body just survived. I can already feel the throb between my legs and I know it’s going to hurt in the morning but I don’t give a fuck, it will be a welcome reprieve from the usual pain that resurfaces when I’m greeted by the morning light.
Antonio leans my head back against his chest, his heart thumping against my head before eventually he brings me completely into his arms. I have no fight in me as he stands and walks amongst the wreckage of the room towards the window.
Sitting in front of them on the only still standing chair, he rests me in his lap and cradles me to him before lifting my chin to kiss my lips.
I try to kiss him back but I’m so exhausted, everything in me lets out a sigh of relief as he unbinds the necklace from my hands and I can finally rub my sore wrists. Fucking worth it though. I wait for him to return it to his neck but then I feel the cool metal lock around my own as he links in behind me and let’s the cross lean against my chest.
“When I left home to come to America my mother gave me this, she said it would remind me that the Lord sees everything, I believe she wished it to be a reason for me to stay out of trouble, if only that were possible.” I chuckle slightly in my hazed state and so does he.
“She died three weeks after I left, I could not return for her funeral at that point so all I had of her during those dark times with this. I soon stopped thinking of it as the Lord watching me with judgement, instead realising it was now a symbol of the angel keeping me safe. I should not be here Brianna, there have been too many times my life should’ve left this body, yet I still am. I believe she is the reason for this. As I believe now it is more needed by yourself, a reminder of your own angel.”
My eyes flutter open as I brush over the cross around my neck.
“Antonio... I can’t take this... it’s the last thing your mother-”
His lips stop my words, a deep passionate kiss that makes me forget all other things until I can no longer feel the weight of it around me. How does he do that? What is it about him that let’s me just give in without fear?
Turning in his arms to face the window I look about at the night sky blanketing this vast county of ours, a place filled with as much light and love as there is darkness and hate. I’m not sure I ever belonged here, not really. I don’t fit into either world in this divided place anymore.
“Out there is filled with so many people who believe they know love amore. All the tiny lights shining in the houses of people who have convinced themselves that the person they sit across from at dinner is their life and soul reborn in the body of another. Yet, none of them know the truth. None of them feel the way we do when we’re together. None of them realise they are just the side notes in our story.”
He grasps my face and doesn’t speak again until I am entirely focused on his eyes.
“When you needed someone to be exactly what you desired in that moment, you came to me Brianna. You will always come to me. We are meant to be amore, no matter the cost. It is us, only us. I will find a way... I cannot be without you.”
I don’t want to hear this, I don’t want to feel this. There’s no waver in his voice, no hesitation. He believes every word he is saying without fear for what it means.
This isn’t what I need. It isn’t why I came here. I can’t do this right now... Fuck, this was a mistake...
He rests my head back against his chest as we look out at the view before us, the rest of the world appearing to be ants under his god-like presence.
I close my eyes but I know sleep won’t take me, he relaxes with me in his hold, stroking my hip as that same sleep calls to him also. I wait patiently until his breathing becomes rhythmic and his hand falls from my hip. I’m so sorry Antonio...
Getting up slowly from his hold, I stumble on my still weak legs before capturing hold of the bar for support. Taking a moment to steady myself first, I try not to stand on the broken shards along the floor before I grasp a pillow and slot it into my place upon his lap.
Standing before him I stop moving, forcing myself to take him in like this. I’ve never seen him more care free before, he’s so precious and relaxed. He looks so innocent and peaceful just sitting there, like a man finally happy.
The guilt that hits me is too much, I should never have called him, this wasn’t fair. I can’t be what he wants me to be, not now. I’m not sure I ever can.
Pulling on my shorts and crop top I see they both have tears from our escapade but at least they’ll get me home. Spotting the notepad and pen on the side table I know he’ll understand one day why I have to do it, just like he did.
I scribble down the note, looking at his words staring back at me in my own handwriting.
‘Forgive me, amore.’
Just as I’m about to leave I feel the cold metal bounce off my chest and I remember the necklace I’m wearing. Giving this to me meant more than I can explain, but it’s not something I should have. Leaning behind me I unclip it and lay it down to join the note. Oh god, please understand.
Running my fingers over the glittering cross, I won’t say there isn’t a part of me that just wants to keep it, because I do. I want to have some part of him always, but that part of him is too much. I don’t deserve it, not with what I am.
Slipping out if the door I make sure to shut it gently before rushing to the stairs, not risking the wait for the elevator and not even putting on my boots until I reach the ground floor.
He didn’t deserve that, he shouldn’t be my escape. I don’t even deserve a fucking escape.
There’s care there, in his own fucked up way he truly wants me to be happy with him. A part of me could, the other part of me knows no matter how messed up he is, I’m worse. The two of us, it’s a ticking time bomb waiting to explode and the clock only counts down quicker every moment we’re together.
The buzz I felt walking in here is long gone. I wrap my arms around my exposed and shaking body as I walk through the foyer towards the doors. I can feel the glares of people coming and going through the night, their judgement clear, if only they knew how I feel about myself they wouldn’t bother. The dirt I was trying to wash off returns ten fold and when the valet spots me with a sickening smirk I feel the bile begin to rise in my throat. What the fuck have you become Brie?
“Just get me my fucking car.”
His smirk fades, a slight look of anger in its place as he radios through to have my car brought to me.
Why did I do that? Why the fuck? You’re so broken Brie, you’re beyond fucking repair.
A cold chill runs through my body and a tear runs down my cheek. What must she think of me right now? Looking down at me like this... She’s fucking ashamed is what she is...
My car comes to the curb and I snatch my keys from the guy driving it before getting in. I can hear glass bottles hitting together with every curve and bend I take. I’m not even sure where I’m going, driving and desperate not to cry until finally I find myself arriving in a spot I never thought I’d want to see again.
Stopping the bug on the side of the road, my legs shake at the sight of it. The barrier has been repaired but you can still see where it was broken as my car went barrelling over the edge.
Opening the door the cold sea air comes over the clifftop and hits me right in the face like a slap from Titan himself. It’s fucking cold tonight.
Leaning into the back seat I see if I have a jacket or something, digging around aimlessly until I pull out a red and black flannel shirt from between the seats.
My heart sinks.
He left it in here weeks ago, I was making fun of him for looking more lumberjack than biker and he tore the whole thing off and threw it in the back.
I was laughing so hard he had to kiss me just to make me stop.
The pit in my stomach I’ve been trying to push back opens up all over again as I sink my face into the fabric.
It still smells like him.
The t-shirt of his I’ve been sleeping in every night since Al washed it just smells like me now but not this, this is all him. Tears drench the sleeves as I wrap it around my body and keep it pressed to where I can catch his scent.
He’ll never forgive me now.
Walking to the edge of the cliff I step straight over the barrier until I’m standing so close the fall the rocks below my feel start to crumble and tip down the side. They tumble so far into the darkness I don’t even hear them hit the bottom.
Is this how Helena felt? Cold, broken and alone, looking down at the way out that would make it all stop.
Did she just want some peace too?
I get it now girl.
Pulling the fabric of the shirt, it wraps completely around my body until I’m so overpowered by his essence it almost feels like he’s standing right here next to me.
Why did he do this? Why couldn’t he just fucking pick me, for once, why couldn’t someone just fucking pick me?
I take a step back from the edge, not trusting myself with the temptation of a fall so close before my foot catches on a bramble and I hit the cold floor. I keep doing that, I keep hitting the floor, maybe it’s just where I belong.
He didn’t pick you Brie because you don’t deserve to be picked. He begged you not to do something you’d regret and look what you did? He’s going to pick her, it was always her for him. She’s his destiny, you’re no-ones destiny. The only destiny you ever were was the one hanging from a fucking pole.
The night gives way for day as the shades of orange and red begin to fill the sky.
My fingers are frozen solid as they grip Steve’s shirt like a lifeline, keeping me from sinking under completely. My legs shake, my heart pounds and my tears fall as for the first time since I lost her I let open the cage just an inch.
It’s too much. My mortal coil can’t fucking stand this, it’s too fucking heavy. How do people survive this kind of heartache? How do they just keep getting up and living every fucking day knowing this is their life now?
I just want the cage to close it again.
The tears roll off me into the puddles at my feet as I use every ounce of inner strength I have to push and squeeze until I wedge the door closed once again. That’s better. Return to nothing.
This is where I stay, an empty pool that used to resemble a person staring out at the spot where my life should’ve ended. Maybe things would’ve been better if they had.
That’s the last thing I remember before waking up on the cold hard ground, my eyes drenched in the still wet tears as a man with a kind smile and a fluffy dog attempts to stir me.
“Are you alright dear? Do you have someone I can call for you?”
No. I don’t have anyone.