Walking over I immediately fell to my knees in front of her, the poor girls entire body was shaking and her swollen face looked drenched with tears. “Fuck.” I pulled myself around her and she buried her face into my shoulder as I just let her cry.
We sat there for an eternity, her sobs growing less and less until finally I hear her breathe like she isn’t gasping for air. “Does Aleah hate me? Did I ruin her happy moment?” She asks without lifting her head from my shoulder.
I hold the back of her head against me. “Of course she doesn’t. Al could never hate you babe... Do you want to tell me what’s going on?”
Kal sits back, letting her head fall back against the trunk of the tree as she tries to stop the water still leaking from her eyes. “A few months-”
I hear footsteps from behind me and turn to see Al making her way over, she plops herself down next to Kal and pulls her head down to her chest. “I’m so sorry Aleah, I’m so happy for you I didn’t mean to run off like that.”
Al just holds her head. “Don’t say sorry babes, what the hell happened?”
Kallie starts to cry again and I move closer, placing her legs across my lap and rubbing her back. “I can’t tell you Aleah, after everything you went through... I can’t tell you or you’ll hate me.”
I look at Al and we both have the same worried expression. She leans down and kisses the back of Kallie’s head. “Babe there is not a thing you could say that would make me hate you. Please tell us, it’s clearly eating you up inside keeping this to yourself.”
Kallie sits up but keeps her eyes facing the ground, whatever she needs to say she obviously can’t bring herself to look at us while she says it.
“A few months ago me and Drew were travelling, things were going good between us but then... I found out I was pregnant.” Oh shit.
“It wasn’t planned and we both freaked. Things for us, it’s not like it is for you and Jayce babe. We aren’t settled and both of us already have so many responsibilities, with my brother and his Dad being sick. We were taking that trip because we knew it would be the last time we got the opportunity too be alone for a long time after we left college. I didn’t want to have a baby and neither did he...”
Oh god Kal. I can’t believe she’s been keeping this to herself all these months. “I thought once I made the decision that everything would go back to normal. Drew went with me to the clinic and I was so early I only had to take a pill, it wasn’t scary... but after, everything changed. It was like he couldn’t stand the sight of me anymore, like I disgusted him. We made the decision together, if anything he was more adamant than me that it was the right choice to not have the baby.”
Taking a deep breath she finally turns to face Al. “I know how hard your miscarriage was for you, I know you must think I’m a monster too for not wanting a baby when you would do anything to have yours back.”
The tears are wiggling their way from her closed lids, she doesn’t even realise what’s happening as Aleah grabs her face and forces her to look up into her eyes. “You are not a monster Kallie. Everyone’s circumstances are completely different. I sit here right now with my baby in my belly and I can still say to you that if you felt you couldn’t do it, then you made the right choice. You had to do what was right for you Kallie, anyone who says differently – especially Drew – can go fuck themselves because they aren’t the ones in your shoes. I love you Kallie and I’m proud you were strong enough to make that decision.”
Say it again girl.
I pull Kallie back to me. “Did what happened with Drew change the way you felt about your decision?”
Kallie shakes her head. “No, I knew it was the right thing to do. I’m not ready, people can call that stupid or selfish but they aren’t the ones that would have to live that life. We used every type of protection to make sure we never found ourselves in that position, yet we still did. It could happen to anyone. I just feel stupid still getting so upset, I made the choice. I don’t have any right to be upset.”
Al strokes the side of her face. “Of course you can be upset hun, it’s a myth that all women that go through this type of thing feel completely positive with their decision afterwards. It’s fine to be upset, feel doubt or loss. It’s even fine to grieve. No-one can tell you how to feel about it.”
She gives me a knowing look and I nod, I should tell her. “Kal.” She looks up to face me. “I had an abortion six years ago... I can promise you there is not one way to react to that type of thing.”
Kal looks at me completely shocked, turning to Aleah for confirmation who nods. She looks back at me. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Kal I didn’t even know you back then, I was fifteen. Aleah was the only one who knew and she came with me. I haven’t ever told anyone, most of the time I forget it even happened, people can call me cruel but it’s how I cope. I’m not embarrassed or ashamed or anything, it was definitely the right decision to make. Given the same choice today I’d still make it. I know what you’re going through hun is all I mean, but I promise you if you know it was right, you just learn to live with it. Don’t bottle it up though, women are taught to view each choice we make under a microscope of scrutiny but unless you’ve lived someone’s life you have no right to comment on their decisions.”
“Amen sister.” Aleah’s voice ringing true.
Kal gives a small smile. “Thank you both, I’ve been so terrified that you would look at me the way he did.”
Me and Al squish her between us, making sure to smother her with the love she so desperately needs right now. She made a fucking hard choice, probably the hardest choice she’ll ever make but she made it for the right reason. Drew can go fuck himself for making her feel like this...