Why is she here? How the fuck is she here?! I would definitely remember seeing her name on the fucking guest list.
Her gown looks good but it's not expensive or fitted properly, I bet she picked it up at a closing down warehouse on the way here. She can't meet my eyes anymore, scanning her own everywhere else but at me.
"When did you get out?" Tara would've told me if she'd known so there's definitely been a breakdown in communication somewhere, wonder if it's because the lawyer was afraid to call after I banged his brains out in the court car park after they were all sentenced and never spoke to him again?
She shuffles uncomfortably, checking behind her to make sure no-one is listening to our conversation before she answers. "Two months ago..."
Wow in two months she's managed to go from prison canteen food to the most luxurious meal that's been served in this county for the last decade. I'm almost impressed. Almost. "What are you doing here?"
Some people start to pour into the outdoor space and I can see she's concerned, taking a cigarette from the pack she places it to her lips, gingerly offering me one too but I'd rather suck Josh's cock than put one of those in my mouth. She let's out a nicotine filled clouds of smoke with a shaky breath. "I'm working."
Working? She's not exactly dressed to be waiting tables... Oh. "You mean you're whoring? Damn, the irony can't be lost on you surely?"
She shakes her head. "Escorting. It's high end, completely legit mostly. Nobody wants to hire an ex-con with a wrap for crimes against a child Brianna, I didn't have much choice. This one isn't so bad, pretty sure the guys gay so I won't have to fight him off in the backseat of the car."
My heart bleeds, not. If she thinks that shit is going to earn her any sympathy from me she's sorely mistaken. I've practised in my head so many times the things I'd do if I ever saw her again but right now I can't think of any of them.
"Your dress is nice, expensive too. You must be doing well for yourself now." She puffs.
"Yeah, no thanks to you." I snap back. The last time she sat in front of me was in Granny's kitchen that day, the cocky attitude she had that day is long gone now. "Someone has to earn enough money to look after Granny and May."
There's a drop in her gaze at the mention of them, her cigarette almost finish and ash falling to the floor as her fingers shake. "How are they?"
"Like fuck do you get to talk about them. Mention either of them again and I'll tear your head clean off right here. Don't even think their names."
She nods. Silence falling between us as I glance back in through the doors to see the party now in full swing, I bet Sonya is having a blast now she can breathe and enjoy the fruits of my labour. "I've got to get back, not all of us can just spread our legs for a living."
I take a few steps towards the doors but she grabs hold of my arm and pulls me back. "Wait, Brie..." This is the part where she apologises right? Where she says how awful what she did to me was and how much she regrets it. Do I even want to hear it? "... Can you not tell anyone we spoke. With the restraining order I would get in trouble with my parole officer."
She's fucking kidding? Please tell me she's kidding! No apology, no admission of guilt or even a hint that she feels bad about what she did! Just straight up asking me to do her a fucking favour!
"Fuck you Anna. I'll do what the fuck I want. Stay the fuck away from me and stay the fuck away from May or I will end you're life in more ways than one. I will make it so the only things that will ever find your body are the creatures that use you as a final meal. I hope you drop dead you useless waste of fucking skin, enjoy your pathetic excuse for an existence."
Storming through the doors I don't even know where the hell I'm going, my heart is racing so much I can hardly breathe and the rapid movements of my chest are sending a splintering pain through my shoulder. Why am I getting upset? This is exactly what I should've expected from her!
Of course she's not sorry, she's not disgusted with herself. Why would she need to feel any of that crap when she never loved me to begin with. She was biologically programmed to love me and still yet she couldn't. She’s living proof that I am not someone anyone can ever truly care for.
I'm broken. I'm disgusting. I'm a person without the basic necessities to make someone actually want to love them for who they are.
What I am is what I've always been, she just proved it. I'm a whore. Someone you keep for the moments of pleasure but throw back into the world for others to use when you’re done. I could never be the person Antonio leaves Clarisse for, I could never be a mother to Hope, I could never be the girl someone as incredible as Steve would want to wake up to every morning. No, that's not me.
I'm the girl you take to sex clubs, the girl who sleeps with your ex-wife and breaks your heart, the girl you almost die saving because she's too pathetic to save herself. I'm that girl. Steve... poor beautiful Steve, the only thing Josh had left and I fucked that for him too.
My head is spinning, my whole body shaking as I feel the need to clench my arms against my head just to stop the pounding.
Shut up. Shut up. Shut the fuck up!
I can't get the air in, I need it but it's like there's no-one around to give it to me. I need out; out of this place, out of this town, out of this fucking life. My anger is so much I don't even know how much pain I'm in as I dig my fingers into my shoulder just to feel anything.
There's nothing. There's only darkness.
I hit the stairs, my feet taking me in a direction I didn't know I was going until they stumble and my knees hit the marble step with a crunch. I just want to lay here until this goes. I'm not this weak, not ever, but I have no strength to keep up the front right now.
I go to bring my head down to the floor to join my body when a warm pair of nurturing hands take it in them instead. My eyes try to focus through the cloud of my mind until finally I can see his deep brown eyes.
He's panicked, his usual calm composure eradicated as he glances upon my face. "Amore, what happened?"
He can fix it. He's always been able to make me feel. "Can you take me somewhere? It's too loud here." My voice is so weak, never in my life have a spoken to a man with that voice but I can't force anything else from my throat right now.
My fingers become intertwined with his as he pulls me to my feet. My legs hurrying as he pulls me up the stairs and away from the crowds. I don't know where we're going but I just let him lead me until finally we're pulled into a suite on the opposite side of the hotel.
The lights are off but I can still see under the moonlight pouring in through the windows that this room is beautiful and twice the size of the one me and Helena were in earlier. His grip on me doesn't waver as he turns and scans my body for injury before reaching for the light switch.
I grab his wrist to stop him. "Leave them off, please." The pounding in my head couldn't take the lights right now. He nods before he guides me over to the bar in the corner of the room and spills gin over some ice before handing it to me. I swallow it before he's even had time to make one for himself, letting one of the ice cubes sit in my mouth and melt slowly as I embrace the chill it brings me.
Antonio pours more gin onto the remaining cubes and this time I sip it slowly, my mind finally slowing as I take deep breaths whilst learning against the bar. Why did I let her get to me like that?
"Do you want to tell me what happened amore?"
Definitely not. "No. I don't want to talk."
Antonio moves so he's standing directly in front of me, his body close to my own as he steps in closer and lifts my chin with two fingers pressed firmly below it until my eyes meet his own. "Then what do you wish to do amore?"