Let’s talk about strength. Choosing yourself over any man, choosing purpose over love. That is powerful.
There is so much more in life than a love story. All these goals we as women are pressured into achieving by society; marriage and kids as to what will make us complete. That is a lie.
I knew my soul had a purpose to fulfill besides what my heart wanted.
If I were to be soft, I would not have taken the deal. I would be back in Darius’ arms, but I knew better; that would not bring me joy. I had to choose a more meaningful path, the one that led to my life project, no matter what, I had to sacrifice. My integrity and part of my heart were a fee.
It wasn’t about betrayal because it was never about him. It was about me! I permitted myself to be selfish for once in my life. I did the right thing, even if it was the hardest thing I had to do, and it broke my heart too, in a million pieces.
I knew that if I chose him in that meeting, I would resent him for the rest of my life. It was time to move on. It was time to leave behind that part of myself that was weak and was not permitting me to evolve into a strong and independent woman.
Regret would grow inside like a horrible disease spreading slowly but steadily as it did before. I still had the aftertaste of it because I know what living with it does. I regretted how much I trusted Roger, and look what he did to me.
I felt complete but heartbroken, in peace but with a black hole inside, alive but with a part of me that was dying. A metamorphosis. Pain. Change.
I was not the same Olivia from days ago. The broke, single, and unemployed, hustling for the money kind of girl who was naive with her heart and gave her power away into relationships was long gone. I waved at her as I appeared in my mind as a distant memory.
I was impressed by how brave I was and how I acted from inner strength, with the hunger to claim what belongs to me, what is rightfully mine. I even stood my ground in front of Seline, and I took that deal, not only because I was pressured but because it was a hell of a good deal.
Not only did I get all my shares, but I got two massive investors and soon Roger out of the way. One in a lifetime opportunity that only a fool would not grab, and I wasn’t a fool. I was clever.
Too clever if Seline thinks I’ll be easy to deal with when she has no idea how stubborn I can be. I wasn’t planning on destroying Inkforce. I was planning on growing my company.
I want my project to be light, for it to bring good things to the community, I would not let her energy rot it to the ground, and I could only hope Archibald would be an ally.
Silly how all my worries, like my debt, were a big joke, compared to a million-dollar start-up that I have now in my hands. My nostrils flare as I breathed in the pain and the power in one quick inhale.
It’s not that I cared about power. I didn’t have a big ego to feed. I didn’t feel superior to anybody, nor did I have the thrill of hurting others.
No, I just wanted the race I’ve running for so long to end, and knowing that I got to the finish line felt like a relief.
After all, I have sacrificed, and all I suffered. No one can judge me. No one can.
Because? Because no one will understand.
I watched my hands as they were shaking.
Only I knew the struggle, how much I fought, crawled, hustled for this, and finally, it was here, and it was mine, and it felt great. I deserved this success after all the hardships I passed, but I couldn’t quite grasp the excitement of it anymore.
Student and private loans, getting evicted from my apartment, having no savings, getting cheated on, and having my company taken away from me.
Are you kidding? If that cannot change a person, then I don’t know what will, because it made me a strong woman, strong enough to make the decision I made.
My freedom, joy, and chance to do something great were possible. Finally, I was aligned with what I came to do in life, and I know that what I got in my hands is exceptional, and I can’t wait to share it with the world.
But fucking Darius had to crash into me! I was so mad with myself for letting it happen. Why? Why can’t we have it all at the same time? Why does the universe always have to balance it all out? Giving you something, just to take something away like a form of exchange, a form of payment.
As for how I ended things with him, I figure it would be easier for him if he had a reason to hate me, a villain. If he ever started having feelings for me as I was feeling for him, it is better if he thinks I don’t care. Yes, that is better.
Be strong, Ollie. It will get better with time.
But why does this feel worst than when everything ended with Roger? What will I do when I see him in the eyes? Eyes that I can’t escape because now I know he will be coming for me, with no mercy.
Will I tell him I am sorry? Will my heart pour out of my mouth?
My stomach twisted. I hated it, I hated the feeling, how my throat started closing and the tears started to pour out of my eyes. The pressure in my chest and the loud pounding of my heart.
I was in pain, so much pain. The kind of pain that cuts deep leaving a scar.
Why is it so unbearable? It was just a week, a beautiful week with him.
I sobbed and cried myself to sleep like I knew I would for a long time until I would finally run out of tears because nothing hurt more than this. Nothing.