Warning: This book contains mature scenes, violence, mature language and lots of errors since it’s unedited.
As soon as I shut the door behind me, I feel desensitized. It is like all my emotions and senses are turned off; just like a light switch. This is how I exactly felt when Ian left me; hell I am hurt more than I was after Ian.
Why didn’t I say it back? Why didn’t I fight back for him? How am I going to live without him; given the fact that he was the only person who made me feel alive and I have lost him just like that? Maybe I don’t deserve happiness after all.
“Madalyne? How did it go?” Theo appears with little James in his arms. He is the one who influenced me to talk to Xavier when he wakes up but it all went wrong. It made me even more anguished.
“I- um- we b-broke up, I guess,” My emotionless voice breaks as I avoid eye contact with him. I hear Theo take a deep sigh when the boys appear from the corner. I don’t know what to do about these guys; when Sarah said they need help, she was not wrong.
“Madalyne, we are sorry, ple-,” I raise my palm to their faces, stopping them.
“Save it! Don’t talk to me!” I hiss as my teeth grit in anger and frustration. They betrayed Xavier when they were the only ones he could trust.
“Excuse me!” A red-head nurse approaches Xavier’s room but stops once she sees us. I don’t even realize I am still in front of the door.
“Who are you?” Theo asks defensively. After yesterday, Theo has been very observant about who goes in and out of Xavier’s room. The police showed up informing that it was not an accident; in fact, an attempted hit and run. I don’t understand; who would want to kill Xavier.
“I am the nurse in charge of Xavier Hendry’s recovery,” The nurse gives off a fake smile which I know too damn well. I turn to look at Theo who is already frowning.
“Nurse? Theo, did you know about any nurses? I don’t think we should let anyone in after yester-,” I blurt out when Theo grips my shoulder.
“Madalyne, come down, I’ll handle everything. You should go home,” He turns to the guys, “You guys should go home too.” Honestly, we have been here all day, all night watching over Xavier. More like me crying all day and night for Xavier, the love of my life, who was fighting between life and death.
“I’ll go now. If you get any news, let me know,” And with that I leave the hospital.
Within half an hour, what felt like a thousand, I reach my dorm. Chloe is soon moving in with Quinton, leaving Sarah with their dorm. Selena wants to move out and get an apartment near her office and Kai. Sarah needs some time alone –away from Leo.
It’s been what; five to six months since we came here to England. So many things happened in these months, not even a year passed by. Our lives turned upside-down.
“Madalyne?” A familiar voice calls me from behind me. I, abruptly, turn around and rush to his open arms.
“Dad,” I completely break down in my father’s warm hug. I missed him so so much that I can’t even wait a second to ask him what he is doing here in England. I let all the tears out as Dad strokes my hair, whispering that ‘it’s going to be all okay’.
“Madalyne, shush, calm down. I am here okay? Stop crying and talk to me,” Dad whispers, pulling away and wiping the fresh tears. He takes a seat on the sofa and pulls me beside him.
“W-when did you come here? You didn’t tell me!” I tell him.
“I just wanted to surprise you, honey. The flight landed this morning. I asked your friends about you and they told me what happened.... Is Xavier alright?”
“Yah, he woke up today......,” I trail off, thinking about the moment he pushed me away for good. Dad notices my facial expression.
“And?” He raises his eyebrow, knowing something must have happened.
“We are not together anymore,” Once again tears pour out of my swollen eyes. Dad immediately wraps his arms around me.
“Shush, we don’t have to talk about it now. We can talk once you freshen up. Go!” After a lot of convincing, I finally went to take a shower and ate something. I couldn’t even stand properly when the water poured on my worn out body. Worn out both physically and mentally.
After changing, my dad and I sit down with coffee. Dad makes one of the best coffees in the world. I really needed one.
“Dad, honestly, a lot happened......,” I fill in Dad about everything that happened in the past three months. He listens to me nonchalantly, without interrupting me. I tell him about the fight incident, about Jason and about Xavier’s friends and about Xavier’s confession.
“He may have made some major mistakes in life but when he said that loving you for him was a mistake... it was a complete lie,” Dad smiles, making me confused. Xavier said it himself which sounded very genuine.
“Remember, when Xavier and I talked on the phone after I found out about you two?” I nod at his words as he continues, “I asked him whether he loves you or not and he said he did and even proved it to you. Even though I never met him, I could understand that he was not lying. After all, I have been in his place once,” He sighs, sending chills all over my body. So Xavier loved me way before I thought he did?
“I just wanted to open up to him but I couldn’t even do that,” I let out a frustrated sigh, “I need help, dad.”
“You don’t need help, you never did. What you need is someone to openly talk to and that someone is going to be me,” Dad says. I almost forgot that Dad used to be a therapist, not a professional one, in his early twenties. He helped a lot of his friends back in the days.
“So basically I need therapy?” I ask.
“No, you are going to let your emotions out to your father,” He sternly says, “You are going to prove yourself that you don’t need help.”
“How is that going to help me?”
“Madalyne, if you truly love someone, you fight back just like you want to. But that’s not all; you make yourself and Xavier realize that you two need each other,” Dad challenges me, waking a realization inside me. He is not wrong. I do need to earn my love back and make Xavier realize my love for him.
“But you make that young man work for it, since he pushed you away. You have to realize that crying and begging for love isn’t right. You have to be strong and push all the agony of the past away. Forget everything that happened before you came to England. Start fresh,”
“But how am I going to start fresh?”
“I think my daughter is smart enough to know how.....,” Dad smiles.
“Well, maybe your smart daughter knows how,” I smile back. I am ready to let my past fade away from my life and my mind.
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