Chapter 1 - This Is Not Real
**One Week Later**
**Tasmine is Dreaming**
I’m sitting on a rocky edge of the creek near my place, I am sitting in between Noah’s legs and leaning against him, he has his arms around me, his smell is engulfing me, I feel at peace in his arms. “You seem to have a thing for creeks, don’t you?” I asked laughing, he smells so nice, as he whispers in my ear. “They are just so peaceful. Now I don’t have much time my beautiful.” He said.
I look back up at him, that doesn’t make much sense. “What do you mean, we have our whole lives,” I said, why is he looking so sad? “You do. I am sorry I am not with you right now. I tried wished I had tried harder.” He said, why is he saying this?
“What are you talking about?” I asked. “I love you so fucking much Tasmine Rose Kelly,” He said loudly. “I love you too Noah James Williams,” I whispered.
I lean back he leans down giving me the best kiss of my life, pulling away looking sad at me. Why does he look sad for? I want to do more than kiss him right now. “I know it hurts right now, I want you to heal from this and find another love like mine. I know you will, a girl as kind, beautiful, smart, and funny as you won’t have any troubles in that department.” He smiled at me, that smile that he knows I love.
“What? I want you. Noah, what are you talking about?” I asked so lost. “I want you to live the best life you can, remember me. I love you so fucking much Tasmine Rose Kelly.” He said sounding so far away now. “I fucking love you so much to Noah, please don’t leave me! please!” I screamed out at him.
“Tasmine hey wake up! Tasmine wake up! Tas sweetheart it’s time to wake up.” I can hear Amanda yelling at me. “NO! WHY DID YOU WAKE ME UP FOR!? HE WAS WITH ME!” I screamed at her.
Bursting into tears again. “What? Who? Noah was with you?” She asked confused. “Yes! Why can’t I be with him!?” I asked. “I know, but it’s time to go.” She said. “What already? I don’t want to go.” I whimpered, how can it be time already?
“I know you don’t but it’s best that you do,” Amanda said. “If I go it means it’s real, he won’t be coming back.” I can’t go, I don’t want it to be final. “I know, but you will always have him in here.” Amanda points to my chest. “Come on Tas, jump in the shower and I’ll help you with your dress and hair,” Grandma said when did she get into my room?
“Ok, Grandma,” I whispered, I have learned over this week, not to fight with Grandma she makes you get up no matter what. About twenty minutes later I was dressed and ready to go even if I didn’t want to. I have chosen to wear this dress as I had caught Noah in my room when he lived here, he said he liked this dress and would love to see me in it either on our first date or at his year twelve formal, but he never did. I had told him I hoped he would be the one taking it off, this is the first and last time I’m wearing this dress. The dress is white tulle, with soft pink, soft purple, and soft blue ribbon flowers all over it with a white ribbon as a belt.
I made Grandma keep my hair easy and carefree also no makeup. Why is this so hard to do? Why is it so easy for everyone around me to get ready and do their day-to-day things? “Tas you look so beautiful, come on let’s get into the cars.” My dad said.
We arrive at the local church; I see nearly the whole town is outside waiting. I spot Jackson and Vincent up near the front doors, I let go of my dad’s hand and race up to them. “Tas” Vincent said. “Sis!” Jackson yelled out, ever since the horrible day Jackson has been calling me his sister as in best friends for life. I wrap the pair of them up in hugs, they both hugged me back.
“Boys, how I have missed your faces,” I whispered. “Sweet pea it’s only been two days since we have seen you.” Said Jackson. “What did I say about you calling me sweet pea?” I asked him.
“To stop.” He replied. Vincent still has his arm around me, I am not going to tell him to drop it even if my cousin can see it. She broke it off with him, I just need a friend with no more drama. “Let’s get inside before there are no seats left,” Vincent said, I just nod my head as words have escaped me. Both boys are on either side of me holding my hand. Jackson has silent tears falling down his face, I squeeze his hand hard trying to hold my tears in.
We leave the front row for his family we sit in the second row. I see my dad, Vincent’s dad, my Grandma and Uncle, and cousins sitting on the other side of Vincent. “Tas?” Dad asked, I give dad a small smile and a nod of my head, he looks just as broken as I feel. I hand Jackson a small packet of tissues, he takes them. “Thanks. OH, FUCK OFF!” Jackson yelled out.
A lot of people in the church looked at him, even I look at him in surprise, then I see why he said it. “They do not deserve to be here!” He spat. “I know, they are the reason he” trying my best not to cry again, “We know Tas,” Vincent whispered. “Can we please sit with you?” Mason asked, sounding just as cut up as Jackson is.
“FUCK OFF! YOU AREN’T HIS BEST FRIENDS!” Jackson snapped at him. “Yes, I was mate!” Mason snapped back at him. “No, the pair of you aren’t! If you were his mates you wouldn’t have posted that video that made his life harder!” I spoke up loudly. “Piss off bitch you hardly knew him!” Jamie said.
Jackson stands up now, he looks very pissed off. “Jamie Simone! You’re doing this right now at his funeral?! Fine have it your way you stupid bitch! Tasmine Kelly was and will always be the love of his life, she was his girlfriend. He had loved her, maybe only a few months they had known each other but who really cares who has known him the longest! It’s about who had his back and loved him and was his mate. You are not his mate not after filming that video of him and live streaming it for everyone to see!” He screamed so loudly.
Mason looked shocked at Jackson, “Hey, back off Jackson. She gets it.” He said as Jackson looks like he could murder him. “No, she doesn’t, you let her break up your friendships hope she is worth it.” Jackson snapped. “Jackson, you are not yourself,” Mason said. “Of course I’m not myself! Who would be after watching their best mate’s dad killing their child! Like really am I supposed to be all happy and shit right now! You’re a fucking dickhead and deserve the book thrown at you!” Jackson spat.
“Ok boy’s, Jackson sshhh just a little mate. Mason, Jamie go and find a seat someplace else now!” Mr. Warren said loudly. The pair of them stormed off, I grab Jackson’s hand pulling him back down to me. I let him put his head on my shoulder as he cries. Fuck them they really don’t care about their friends at all. “I’m sorry.” He whispered. “Don’t, you did the right thing. shhh, it’s ok, we are allowed to be this upset.” I whispered back.
A hush silence filled the church as his mum and siblings walked into the church. His mum takes a look at myself and Jackson she looks angry at us. I know I shouldn’t take it to heart as she is grieving too, but fuck that hurt.
As soon as they sat a photo show with his favorite music started which was The Fray song Never say Never, it sent both me and Jackson into another fit of tears, as he was with us when Noah confessed that this was our song, as I helped him during his dark times and he helped me during mine. The last six photos had me balling my eyes out, Justine must have given them to his mum photos of me with Noah at that party, we all looked happy and in love. Vincent holding my hand his now crying too, Jackson and I are in a tight hug crying. I don’t remember the rest of his service nor after it, it was just a blur.
None of us was welcome back at Noah’s house for the wake, so my dad had thrown his own at our place all of Noah’s coworkers joined and his close friends and my family were at it. I am amazed at how fast my Grandma, Aunty, and Vincent’s Mum worked in getting all the food for this. Noah would have loved this, we all finished eating.
Our young ones are hanging out near the play equipment. Vincent and Jackson have barely left my side since we got here. It seems to be upsetting my dad and uncle’s with how close they are, should probably get them to unglue from me. “Vincent?” I asked, he looked up at me. “What’s up?” He said. “You know you should probably see how Ava is holding up? I’m fine I have plenty of people here.” I said softly.
“Trying to get rid of me?” He asked with a smirk on his face. “Yeah, the oldies seem to have their knickers in a twist at the moment,” I said pointing my head towards them, he looks at where I had pointed and noticed. “Oh right,” He said softly.
He heads off towards Ava, Jackson looks up to me from his conversation with Dean and Max. “Are you ok?” he asked softly. “I would really wish people would quit asking me that. Yes, Jackson, I am ok just needed some space, that is all.” I said trying not to snap at him.
“Ok little thing.” He replied with a small smile on his face. Its late afternoon sun is still up, I have had enough of everyone. I want some quiet I know I won’t find it in my room. I get up and made my way towards the creek. I don’t care that I didn’t let anyone know where I was. I need some alone time, I arrive at the spot that Noah had first taken me too also the spot I had dreamt about this morning, just as beautiful as I remember, but doesn’t feel the same though it’s missing sparkle to it.