Chapter 16 - Some Truths and Emotions
I sat there watching her leave with her dad, all I kept on thinking about is her smell. I know right now that’s not what she needs, but my body and mind seem to have other ideas. If only she knew how much I have fallen for her.
I have liked her from the day I had met her at Lee’s house, that is a lie I have liked her since I could remember, but she clearly has no memory of our childhood together, I hate that her mum has done that to her, to all of us. I knew Lee would never ever let anyone date his baby girl.
Then to see her with Noah nearly killed me, I made sure that she disliked me cause I wasn’t going to lose Noah again over a girl we’ve only just started talking, and even then it wasn’t really talking. And he knew of my crush on her from our childhood, so he was keeping me at bay from her too. It killed me when he died, we never got the chance to become friends again. Seeing her so hurt from his death hurt so much, just spending time with her as she opened up to me is amazing, finding out that we still have so much in common doesn’t help me with my feelings for her.
Then Vincent and I had to go stuffing it up by kissing her, I can’t get the feeling of her lips out of my mind, now after having her in my arms for that long really didn’t help, I am worried about her mental health I want to help her, I hate seeing her like this. Can I do this, be friends with the girl I’m madly in love with?
Jackie, love the nickname she has for him, he doesn’t know what is going on with us, or if he does, he hasn’t told me he knows. Hopefully, he responds better than Vincent, I don’t understand his anger, he knew that I liked her I had told him well and truly before he pulled that stunt in the creek with her, I want to murder him for what he did. That look on her dad’s face when he walked into the room, I had thought he was going to punch both myself and Jackson for hugging her. Her dad hasn’t put me on the roster for tomorrow, so I am over the moon to be able to be hanging out with her and my cousin.
“Oi earth to Oliver?!” Jackson Yelled at me while clapping his hands in my face, “What?” I said stumped. “You haven’t been listening to me at all!” He snaps, yeah, he is right about that. “No sorry, what did you say?” I asked, hoping he doesn’t ask what I was thinking about because none of it I want him to hear what I would love to do to Tasmine. “Do you want to head to the shops before Tas gets here tomorrow and buy junk food, hire some new movies and video games?” He asked. “Yeah sounds good, we should get one of each,” I said, I would rather he goes to the shop while she stays in my room with me, fuck stop thinking like this Oliver.
“I don’t follow mate.” He said looking confused, “One of each genre mate,” I said. “Right, do you have time for it though with your QCS test coming up?” He asked, I groaned out like I really need to be reminded that I am getting forced to sit an exam that I don’t need to do. “I’d rather hang out with you two than try to cram more useless crap into my brain,” I complained.
He laughs, “I can’t believe your dad is forcing you to do it even though you have an apprenticeship.” He said, like really it’s like he doesn’t even know my dad, dad only values people who have done their OP and gone to University and if you get a trade it’s the worst thing you could do, I hate his snobby views of the world. “That’s fuckface for you.” I snapped. “Sure is.” He agrees.
“You two boys better be getting some sleep if you want this sheila to come over tomorrow. Also, no funny business Oliver I had promised Lee the pair of you would be well behaved.” My uncle yells out through the door before he opens it without knocking. I wanted to groan out. “Yeah, Dad we will be,” Jackson said rolling his eyes. “Yes, Uncle Charles we will be,” I responded. “Better, I don’t want any of the boys in this family to become teenage dads.” He said what is with the men in this town thinking this? “God dad we know.” Jackson snapped, my Uncle heads back to whatever room he popped out of, Jackson stands up looks at me in an odd way.
“Mate, don’t play stupid I have noticed the way you are with my best friend, give her time to heal, she’s too broken for anything else. I know how hard it is for you, but you hurt her I’ll make sure you” I cut him off, I get it, he will hurt me hurting his best friend, what he doesn’t get is she feels like my best friend too. “I get it, Jackie,” I said with a smirk on my face, he glares at me, “Don’t you fucking call me that! Only she can.” He snapped. “Really? I hear you telling her not to call you that.” I smirked at him. “Arghh why am I related to you.” He snapped at me.
“Cause our dads are brothers!” I yelled at him. “ahh duh nah shit mate!” He said in his smart-ass voice that he does. “Don’t you nah shit me!” I yelled back at him. “BOYS!” My uncle yells out, Jackson walks out of my room and heads to his, thank God.
I quickly send off a text to Tasmine saying goodnight and my normal quick humor message I send her, I love that she replies with just as much smartass and humor as myself, no other girl has been able to join in on it. All I hope is that I can help her recover from all of her hell, hope that she lets me. I know I am not a nice person, but she makes me want to be.
I wake up before everyone else, Grandma is in bed with me. I give her a light kiss on the cheek. Heading to the bathroom, having a quick shower, and getting into some gym gear. I raid the kitchen for some food, taking a bottle of water before heading back into my room for some socks and shoes. Quietly walking into the lounge room, I nearly screamed so loud Dad was sitting in the armchair with his morning coffee, I think I scared him too as his coffee went all over him.
“What the hell dad!” I screamed. “Could say the same thing, you know this is hot. What are you doing?” He asked. “I want to go for a run and get fit again for hockey,” I said. “Ok, keep your phone on you and be back by seven-thirty at the latest.” He said, he stands up and headed back into the kitchen to dry up the coffee that was spilled on him. “Ok, thank you,” I said.
“Want myself or Uncle Chris to join you?” He asked, Is he for real? “Nah I’m good thanks,” I said, trying not to laugh, I turn my music on and put my headphones on, and made my way out the door with my bottle of water in my other hand. I let my feet take me away, I was not paying any attention to where I was heading. Over twenty-five minutes later I froze when I finally noticed where I had ended up.
Why did my feet do this?
Is this some sick joke?
I have arrived at Noah’s grave, I collapsed onto the grass in shock but also fear. “God, I miss you so much babe!” burst into tears. “Why did you leave me? I love you so much, how can this get any easier?” I said, by now I was laying down on the grass hugging myself. “I somehow got myself into more drama as you would have called it, but if you were here it would never have happened. I hope you know that Noah. Both Oliver and Vincent have kissed me and told me they have feelings for me. Yeah, they can kiss well but neither of them is you, Noah. I miss you, your lips, your touch, your smell, your voice. I miss you. I feel like I had cheated on you, which makes me miss you even more.” The tears are nonstop by now, think I’m screaming at times, God it doesn’t feel like it has gotten easier at all. I didn’t hear the person that came up to the grave, I was in my own world.