A Dash Of Him

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DASH Chapter 33

It's been a few days since the horrific night of the accident. I never saw Duke blank out and forgot who I was. His eyes weren't those diamond blue eyes I loved gazing at. They were these dark navy eyes that consumed him. The crash must have triggered him because the red Mercedes was a replica of Emilio's car.

Duke was fine now. It's like nothing happened and he was back with his handsome smile and gleaming blue eyes. He was at work right now but is coming home early so we could go to my dad's house. My old home where memories of my mom filled the atmosphere.

Kai was being released today and will be on house arrest. The last time I talked to him he was devastated about some cellmate. He told me he fell in love with him and was killed in front of his eyes. That shocked the hell out of me when he told me he fell in love with a man. I just hope he can heal because having two people you love die in front of you can take a toll on anyone.

I sat on the couch as my body was heavy. My legs felt like jello and my eyes were begging for me to close them. I glanced at my watch. It was noon and Duke won't be home until 3. I could take a nap. I lay on my side and slowly took a deep nap.

******

“You knew your brother killed Emilio and never told me," Duke's voice echoed through the darkness of the house. His eyes were dark as night and tears turned into dark droplets.

"I didn't want to lose you," my voice matched his echo. "Please forgive me."

"So you did know?" His dark eyes glared at me as I reached out and tried to grab his arm.

"No, answer me," Duke demanded.

"Yes, I did. I'm sorry. Please I beg you don't shut me out. I need you, Lucky," I kneeled on the floor and hugged his legs.

"Get out of my house. I never want to see you again. GET OUT!" he yelled. He pushed me off his legs and stood up.

His lips trembled and now his tears were clear as daylight. His blue eyes shined like diamonds. "Please I'm begging you. Don't do this," I walked closer but he stepped back.

"You lied to me, all these months you could've told me. It would've hurt but I would've understood. But you lied to me and that I'm not going to forgive. Get out! I need some space from you. Please just go," his voice cracked.

Then suddenly Emilio appeared in front of me. "You will never take my place. He loves me not you. You lied to him. Get out," his mossy green eyes blazed like hell. He had a vindictive smirk.

"I never meant to lie. I just didn't know how Duke would react. Please tell him, I love him. I can't lose him," my tears fell down my cheeks but Emilio's evil smirk didn't leave his face.

I saw Duke walkthrough, Emilio. Emilio's body turned to smoke and disappeared. Duke grabbed my hand and took me to the front door. "Dash, just go. I need space and time."

He opened the door and waited for me to walk out. My lips trembled. He didn't even look at me but I noticed his tears poured down his cheeks. I lifted my hand to touch his cheek but he moved quickly. "I'll wait for you. I love you, Lucky."

"Don't bother waiting. I won't ever forgive you," he pushed me out and slammed the door on me. I slammed myself on the door and slid down to the floor.

I put my hands over my face and cried. "Please forgive me! I beg you."

******

I jumped up. "Hey, it's ok," I heard his sweet voice. Duke was sitting next to me in his suit. His eyes were worried as I pulled him into my chest and squeezed him with all my strength.

"It was a nightmare," I said in a low whisper.

"Yes, it was but why were you saying. 'Please forgive me. I pulled away but didn't look into his eyes. I guess my guilt was still buried deep in my subconscious. Kai is out and we needed to tell Duke. I can't live with this guilt anymore. It's killing me softly. I'm not sure of the consequences but I hope my nightmare doesn't become reality.

"It's nothing, babe. You know dreams are always fucked up," I chuckled but his eyes were still trying to figure out if I was telling the truth.

"Is something bugging you, babe?" he kept poking at the question and my guilt was about to pop. "Because I know you're hiding something from me. It's all over your eyes, talk to me," his finger lingered on my cheek.

"I said I'm fine!" I yelled and stood up. I raked my hair and moved my hands through my face with frustration. I glanced over and Duke's eyes softened. He stood up and walked around the couch.

"Let me go change and we could go to your dad's house."

"Babe, come back," he walked into the hallway and slammed the door. Fuck!

******

The drive to my dad's house was in complete silence. Duke hasn't said anything to me since I yelled at him. I didn't mean to but my guilt was at its breaking point. I reached over the console and tried to grab his hand but he quickly retracted his hand. "Lucky, please. I'm sorry I yelled at you. I'm excited and nervous that my brother is out. I did tell you he lost someone he loved in jail and I'm pretty sure he's not well. I never told you that our mother died in front of us," Duke quickly averted his gaze towards me.

"She did?" I didn't tell him because it was too painful to remember but I think he should know because I honestly don't know how Kai is feeling right now. Everything has piled on me and the weight is overbearing.

"Yes, babe. I'm just frustrated with life and I'm so tired. Next week is our final game and we are facing my old team so the pressure from Coach Garr is overwhelming. But I'm sorry I yelled at you. You don't deserve it," I finally saw a curve in the corner of his lips.

"I understand but if you need an ear, I'm always here," he gripped my hand and kissed my knuckles. Relief took over and my heart wasn't aching like an hour ago.

I parked in the driveway and I took in the nostalgic presence. I rarely come back to old memories but right now they are rushing back like clips from a movie scene. The nights I played basketball with my dad when he use to care for us. When I helped sneaked in Kai through my room late at night. He had to climb the tree that grew on the side of the house. When I talked with my mom on the porch about everything and anything. She always had a story to tell me. My heart tightened as I gripped the steering wheel. I warm tear fell down my cheek. "I miss her, babe." Duke reached over the console and pulled me towards him.

"I know," I cried into his shoulder as he raked my hair back. "I was wondering when you would let go of those tears," he kissed the top of my head as he pulled away. His eyes were like diamonds and his smile was so innocent. I didn't deserve such a beautiful soul. I was lying to him and that made my stomach tighten as well. I hope Kai is up for talking because we need to plan how to tell, Duke. It's not going to be easy but it needs to happen.

We walked towards the porch hand in hand. I swallowed the knot in my throat. I knocked on the wooden door. "You're doing great," Duke said. I kissed his cheek.

I heard feet shuffle and the door opened. My dad stood there with red and swollen eyes. "Dad, what's wrong?" He pulled me and Duke into a hug.

"I'm sorry, Dash, for everything. For not being a good father and not being supportive. I love you and Kieran. You have my full support," he pulled away and kissed my cheek then he glanced at Duke. He hasn't met him because I didn't think my dad was fully supportive of my "lifestyle" as he constantly repeated.

"Dad, this is Duke, my boyfriend. Duke this is my father, Henry."

"Pleasure, Duke. I see you on television. You have supported my boy better than me and I'm thankful for that," he pulled Duke into a bear hug.

"Pleasure and loving your son is the easiest," Duke smiled at me as my dad pulled away.

My dad wiped his tears away and he gestured for us to walk in. I stepped in and everything is the same. The family photos are in the hallway. The same furniture. The chandelier that hung when you enter my house, even the same vanilla cinnamon scent my mom loved around the house. "I'm hardly home. I have someone come and clean every two weeks so the house doesn't get dusty but now that Kieran is home. He'll be in charge of all that," my dad looked upstairs.

Duke closed the door and stood next to me. "How is Kai?"

"He's in his room. He hasn't stopped crying since he got home until recently. He fell asleep. He's broken, Dash. He told me a friend of his got killed in front of his eyes," so Kai hasn't told him his secret.

"Duke, would you mind staying with my dad. I want to talk to Kai?" Duke nodded.

"You can tell me all about you, Duke. I'll cook you something and the boys when they come down," my dad is the best cook as well. He use to cook for us all the time when we were younger but work got busy for him and he stopped.

Duke kissed me as they disappeared into the hallway and towards the kitchen. I slowly walked up the stairs and gazed at all my photos on the wall of me and my mom. She always held me close to her as I held my trophies from different championships we won in high school. I walked up and saw the pictures of me and her as I grew and so did her smile. She was my number one fan. Then I noticed new photos of her and Kai. He held a dirt bike as she messed with his hair. His smile was from ear to ear. I knew he was into bikes and cars but I never knew my mom bought him a dirt bike. I guess I neglected my brother as well.

I reached his room and it was slightly opened. I pushed it open slowly but his room was as dark as night. "Go away dad. I don't want to talk. It hurts to talk," his voice sounded lost and full of despair.

"Kai, it's Dash," I saw a figure sit up and turn on his lamp. He sat on the edge of the bed and then buried his face into his hands.

"Dash, I'm dying slowly. It hurts so much to talk, to feel. My heart can't take this shallow hole. I miss mom and Vlad," he cried with so much pain that my heart pierced with every word he said.

I closed the door and then kneeled in front of him. "Kai, it will get better. If you need to talk I'm here. If you need a therapist. I'll pay for it. I'm here for you and dad. It looks like he's changed. You should've seen him cry downstairs." He looked up and his eyes were black as sin. This is not Kai.

"Yeah from the guilt of him not being there for us. He's tried to talk to me but I can't right now. I need time. Is Duke with him right now?" I noticed the electronic cuff around his ankle. I took a deep breath and messed with his long shaggy blonde hair.

"Yeah, he's downstairs with dad. You need a haircut," he chuckled.

"Is that all you care about?" I saw a smirk on his lips.

"No. I care about you. I know I may have not been there for parts of your life but you're my brother and I'm here to be part of it now. Regardless of how busy I get. I'm still your damn brother, ok?" I placed my forehead with his.

"Love ya, Dash. I need to repent myself to Duke. When do we do this?" He shocked me with his words.

"I'm not sure I can. He will hate us, Kai. I'm not sure I want to do this," my words choked in my throat.

"You can't live your life with regret especially for me. Let me get settled in and come up with a plan. We can have dinner or I can talk to him by myself. You're happy and I need to fix all my sins. I haven't been an angel but that's for another time. Right now we need to fix this mess," he pulled me into another hug.

The time has come for the truth and it's going to hurt.
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