Chapter Twenty: Worth Living
I nervously run my hands through the hems of my skirt. I’m not sure how to react at all.
‘Why did you kiss him? What’s wrong with me?’
“Mama?” I heard someone call out to me, snapping me out of my thoughts. Ciel sat across me, looking as though he’s deep in his thoughts. Actually, he hasn’t spoken all day.
“Yes, Lilly?” I asked, turning to face her, she sat next to Ciel, looking at me with a straight face. Luckily my father has the rest of my children. My mother is outside doing something, not sure what.
“You’re going to make a hole in Ciel’s face if you keep staring at him like that.” She smiled cheekily at me, making my cheeks turn warm.
“I was just thinking of something,” I told her, turning around, fanning my face.
“Of the kiss you gave to Ciel last night?” I can hear her tone becoming playful. That got Ciel attention, he lifts his gaze, to look at her, then at me.
Lilly stood up, while I turned around to scold her, but she had already run through the doors, leaving me alone with Ciel. For a reason, a sudden awkwardness appear around us. I look down at the table, grabbing my papers of today’s lesson, only to hear Ciel steps.
I want to avoid him. I turned my body, only to slam myself against a strong chest. I gasp out and look up, to see Ciel dark eyes piercing right through me. I can feel my heart jump.
“C..Ciel, um. I.. I need to go,” I start to stutter, my hands already shaking. Ciel’s lips twitched up, as a glint pass through his eyes. He starts to lean forward, making me lean back. The closer he gets, the faster my heart beats.
“I was thinking,” He finally spoke. I cleared my throat.
“I hope pleasant things?” I asked.
He moves his left arm, leaning more into me, trapping me against the table and his torso. I licked my lips. He seems to enjoy my nervousness.
“You can say that,” somehow his voice turns deeper? I took notice his eyes dropping to my lips.
“I...” I stop talking when he moves his hand to take a hold of my chin, inching himself closer to me. I can feel his breath brush against my skin. I shivered slightly from his touch.
“Tomorrow I will leave,” he suddenly said. Reality starts to crash over me.
‘Oh no, so fast? No, I haven’t thought of a plan to help him.’ my heart now starts to become in pain. I was about to say something, but Ciel moves his hand and brushes his thumb against my lower lip.
“Wait, I haven’t finished thinking of a good plan. This isn’t fair.” Ciel shakes his head, and leans forward inches apart, ready to kiss me.
‘Is he going to kiss me?’ I don’t know how, but I fluttered my eyes close.
“About the kiss last night,” He changes the subject, whispering in a deep low tone, sending strange sensations down my spine.
“I wasn’t thinking, sorry I didn’t mean to...” he wraps his arm around my waist, making me gasp, he gives me a flown blown smirk.
‘He’s not mad. Don’t be sorry, it’s my fault.’
“Thank you for showing me that is worth living for the smallest things,” he simply said, leaning forward and kiss my cheek tenderly. With that, he turns around to leave. I cup my cheek, staring at nothing, confused by his sudden words.
‘Ciel? What did that mean?’
My children had so much fun played with their grandfather, which was the first for me, he even took the children and Ciel to town. I am worried, though. I pray that Ciel would not be discovered. I tried to stop him, but he told me it was alright, that he wanted to make it look real about our lie. I don’t feel proud of it, so I worry even more.
I can’t say much about my mother, though. She kept by herself. I wish that she would have spent more time with my children. I sigh, looking up at the twilight, getting fresh air.
“I wish it worked out like that.,” I thought out loud.
“Work like that?” I heard behind me, I jump in fright, to turn around to see Ciel eyeing me. Noticing that he had a vanilla ice cream cone in his hand while Armando and Oscar stood next to him, eating as well.
“Don’t scare me, but where did you get the ice cream?” I asked. Ciel arched a brow, looking down at my two kids. Oscar smiled broadly, as he licked his chocolate covered fingers.
“Your papa bought us some while we went into town, he’s very nice. I’m not sure if I should call him grandfather yet,” Oscar said with a confused look, while Ciel nods at me.
“Call him what you feel more comfortable with. I won’t push you,” I assured Oscar. Oscar smiled and licked his ice cream.
“Thank you, mama,” he said. I couldn’t help, but to smile at him, going up to him, I kiss the top of his head. Ciel clears his throat.
“It was an interesting field trip,” Ciel said in a matter of fact. I blinked blankly at him, something told me there was more to this ‘field trip’
Armando rushed up to me and tugs on my dress before I could ask him what he meant by that.
I look down, he stretched his small arms, offering me his vanilla ice cream. I bend down and smiled at him.
“Keep eating it, I don’t want any, thank you, my prince,” I pat his head. Armando frowns at me.
“Lucky you all had dinner already,” I mumbled, grabbing Armando and picked him up. He stares at me, placing his ice cream under my nose. I scrunched my nose due to the sudden move.
“E.. Eat,” he said. I frowned at this.
Ciel walks up to us and rubs Armando back.
“What’s wrong Armando?” Ciel asks, looking concerned by this.
“Mama. No.. Ice cream. Eat...” he said, trying to get me to eat his ice cream. This broke my heart for some odd reason.
Then it dawns on me, why he’s offering me his ice cream. Is because we never eat ice cream. If so, I never get any for myself, due to the fact that I can’t afford it. I normally buy everything for the children.
“Armando, don’t worry about me, I am perfectly fine, without ice cream, don’t be sad, that I don’t have any,” I told him. He didn’t seem convinced, I felt so bad, that Ciel took notice, he stretched out his arm and place it in front of my mouth.
“Eat yours up, is rare to eat ice cream in this place. I’ll share mine with your mom, is that okay?” he asks him. Armando’s eyes widen and nod rapidly. Ciel chuckles at his respond and turns to face me.
“Your son spoke, isn’t like we haven’t shared anything else lately,” he urges placing his ice cream in front of my face, noticing a mocking tone behind his words. My face warms up, but for the sake of Armando, I did. I took a bite out of the ice cream, and I smiled while I let the ice cream melt in my mouth.
“See, now, finished up yours,” I told Armando. He seems pleased by this, and smiled, finally finishing his ice cream.
“You’re lucky I like vanilla,” I smiled gently Ciel, but my eyes death-glared at him. He simply shrugs and takes Oscar hand, to start heading inside the building. In doing so, my parents came out, holding some bags in hand. The rest of my children rushed out.
“Um, are you guys leaving already?” I asked my parents, as we reach them. My mother turns to face me and nods.
“We will be back next year. We had an emergency call, so sorry dear,” alert bells rang in my head at her words.
“What’s wrong?” I asked her. My mother gave Ciel a strange look, but shook her head.
“Nothing to worry you about,” she said, turning to face my father.
“Let’s go dear before the sun sets,” she pushed my father. My father nods, turning around to head out. I blinked, but something dropped into my stomach. An uncomfortable feeling plagued my heart. Something was not right.
“Um, Lilly, can you take everyone in, Issac, make sure they get into bed, I’ll be back soon, Ciel, come with me,” I order. Issac shook his head in a confused way.
“But mama is too early,” Evelyn complained.
“We can play a game,” Lilly suggested, as Daniel frowns at us.
“Is Ciel still our new papa? Even though Mama kiss Ciel, it was nasty, but that means he’s our new Papa?” Isabella asked with hope in her eyes. I gave Ciel a long look, but shook my head, fighting off my blush.
“We will talk about that later, please go inside and listen to your older brother and sister. If I hear one of you misbehaved, trust me, tomorrow, you won’t see dessert after dinner.” I warned. Everyone nodded in fright at my words. After everyone went inside, without thinking I grabbed Ciel hand, and we speed walk towards my parent’s car.
My father was about to hope inside his car, but I reached out for him and turned him around.
“Thank God, I made it. What’s wrong?” I asked him, not noticing that I held Ciel hand tightly. My father’s eyes widen a bit, but then turns back to normal, then his eyes tighten when he gave Ciel a long look.
“Nothing, just take care of yourself,” he pats my shoulder, turning around, he opens the door and went in. He turns on the car and drives off. I stare with wide eyes, as Ciel’s hand starts to shake a little.
“Wait, do you think they know something? That we lie? Oh dear God, do they know who you are?” horror struck me as Ciel words came into mind.
‘It was an interesting field trip,’
Ciel turns me around, I look up while he placed his hands solely on my shoulders, trapping me with his dark eyes, that seem to look straight at my soul.
“Don’t think to much of it,” he said. Noticing a blank stare in his eyes. I bite my lower lip, not sure how to react to this.
“Something happened, what Ciel? ” I asked him. Ciel places his hands down and starts to walk back to our home.
“Ciel? Answer me please.” I asked as he waved his hand to mention for me to follow him.
“Come on, the children can’t be alone for too long.” he said, I rub my arms and sigh.
“God, please protect us, and protect Ciel, he’s keeping something from me, and I don’t like it.”
I watched my children sleep soundly, I kissed Armando small head and stood up. Luckily the ghost hasn’t done anything bad towards him lately. I felt an ache in my heart.
I was about to head to my bed, now that is midnight, only to hear a shuffling in the hallway. I turned my head towards the door, only to take notice that Ciel wasn’t in his bed. I walk towards the hallway. Upon entering, my heart stops, to see Ciel talking to the ghost.
“Fine,” is all he said, the ghost seems satisfied and disappears from sight. I walked towards Ciel.
“Can I ask, what were you talking about with the ghost?” I asked him. Ciel jumps a little since he didn’t know I was here.
“Sorry to scare you,”
He turns around and my eyes widen, to take notice he was shirtless. My cheeks flared up, but lower my head.
“It’s okay. It didn’t say anything in particular,” he said, but something in keeping tone told me a different story. I glance up once again, to see him looking down at his hand in deep thought.
“Are you leaving tomorrow morning?” I asked him. He lifts his gaze to look at me and nods at me.
“Before sunrise,” He admits.
“Will you promise to come back?”
“I can’t promise that,” he said honestly, moving around me, to head towards the room. I turned around, and reach out for his arm, stopping him, he turns to face me.
“Why can’t you?” I asked him. He turns to face me once again.
“Didn’t I tell you before? You gave me something to live for.”
“That doesn’t answer me anything. What does that mean? I was wrong, I kissed you. You didn’t do anything wrong. Why can’t you come back? I have a plan to help you. I did promise you. Stop dodging me, I don’t want you to leave.” I started to rant, feeling my eyes burning with unshed tears. My heart aching so much, trying to find a way to get to him. Ciel stops in front of the bedroom door. Then he turns, walking up to me.
I stare at him, not sure what he’s up to. All I know my heart ached, and I don’t want him to leave. He stands in front of me, cupping my cheek.
“Ciel?” I asked, not sure why I placed my hand on top of his warm naked torso. Ciel doesn’t say anything, but lowers his head, and kiss my lips very gently yet deep and meaningful. Before I could react, he stops and walks away. I stood there in shock, not sure why.
“Good night Zara,” he whispers, leaving me alone in the hallway, as his sensation of his lips still lingers on mine. My heart racing, filled with many emotions. Yet a horrifying conclusion dawns on me.
‘I might not see him again.’