“This dress makes my boobs look huge,” I whined, tugging at the thin satiny material that could barely contain my girls. My nipples were poking right through!
“Your boobs are huge,” Hannah chuckled.
“So are yours, big sister.”
“Would you rather have my chest?” the seamstress asked.
“Yes,” I stated confidently, checking out her perky little tits. “Wanna trade?”
“I wish,” she laughed. “Do you know how many guys take one look at my chest, and keep on walking?”
“They’re not worth your time,” Hannah said.
“I’ve noticed a lot of girls in porn have really small tits,” I said. “The guys don’t seem to mind fucking them.”
“Lex!” Hannah hissed.
“It’s okay,” the seamstress chuckled. “I signed a confidentiality agreement.
“Why are you watching porn?” Hannah asked.
I shrugged. “I’m having a bit of a dry spell. And I enjoy it.”
“There’s a perfectly nice guy sleeping in your bed, who I’m sure would be more than willing to help service you.”
“Speaking of fucking,” I said. “Shouldn’t you be, like, celibate or something until you get married tomorrow?”
“I was going to spend the night with Madeline and the girls tonight, but I changed my mind.”
“We’re trying to get pregnant,” she whispered. “And I’m ovulating.”
“Oh my God!” I cried. “You got your DUI out?”
“That’s what our sister calls my IUD,” Hannah explained when the seamstress glanced up from the table where she was fussing with Hannah’s veil.
“How long have you guys been trying?” I asked.
“This is the first month.”
“I’m thirty-one. It’s not like I have an abundance of time.”
“What are you talking about?” I laughed. “You’ve got lots of time.”
“Not if I’m planning on having a big family.”
“How many kids are you gonna have?”
“I don’t know. I’ll let you know after I have the first one. I might decide one is enough.”
“Kids destroy your vag. I’m never having any.”
“You’ll change your mind.”
“No, I won’t.”
“I bet Paddy wants a big family to help run all those funeral homes.”
“Then he better find a girl and get busy,” I snorted, stepping out of my gown after the seamstress unzipped me.
“I saw him kiss you on the plane yesterday,” she teased.
“So? He’s pretending to be my boyfriend.”
“Osk was nowhere near you guys,” she laughed.
“Oh. You’re talking about the first kiss, on the flight to Fairbanks.”
“There was more than one?!”
“He kissed the heck out of me on the float plane, but Osk was watching that time.”
“I don’t think that’s why he’s kissing you so much, Lex. He’s not doing it just to make Osk jealous.”
“What’s your point?”
“He wants in your pants, little sister.”
“I think you may be right.”
“Oh. My. God!” she yelled, throwing her hands in the air.
“It took you long enough to figure that out. I’ve only been trying to tell you that for, like, ten years, Lex.”
“He hasn’t wanted to fuck me for ten years,” I scoffed. “He just decided last night because I rubbed my pussy on his cock and let him touch my boobs.”
“You what?!” she squealed, jumping up and down so much that her tits popped out of her dress.
“Settle down,” I ordered. “It was strictly for Osk’s benefit.”
“You fooled around with Paddy in front of Osk?”
“Yeah. We were in the hot tub together. Osk was making out with the Silicone Princess, and then it just happened.”
“The Silicone Princess?” she laughed.
“Yeah. We have no idea what her name is.”
“Come to think of it, neither do I.”
“Later, when we were in bed, I asked him if he wanted to pretend it never happened, and he said no.”
She stepped out of her dress and grabbed her bra, wrestling her boobs into the cups. “Then what happened?”
“I asked him what he meant by that, and he changed the subject.”
“And you let him?”
“No. I called him out on it, and he asked me if I really wanted to open that can of worms. I said if my best friend wanted to fuck me, I would like to know about it. He asked me how I would feel about that. I asked him point-blank if he did, and he said, what do you think?”
“What are you gonna do?”
“I don’t know.”
“You want to have sex with him!”
“I didn’t say that.”
“What do you think?” Hannah asked, turning to the seamstress, who was busying herself hanging the dresses up.
“She definitely wants to go for a ride on his pogo stick,” she chuckled, pushing up her enormous red glasses. Apparently, the mousy little seamstress had a dirty vocabulary. I’m not good with guessing ages, but she had to be hovering around fifty.
“It did feel pretty substantial,” I shared.
“His cock?” Hannah whispered.
“Really? How substantial?”
“Like, limping for a week, substantial.”
“Oh my God!” the seamstress laughed, doubling over. “This is the most entertaining dress fitting I’ve ever done.”
“How did you score this sweet assignment?” I asked.
“Madeline and myself go way back. She’s my mom’s best friend.”
“Cool. Is your mom here?”
“It is,” she agreed. “Now, back to this vagina destroying penis. Tell us more.”
“What’s your name?” I asked.
“Well, Elena, it’s nice to meet you,” I laughed. “I didn’t see his dick. So, I can’t say for sure. But it felt huge.”
“Bigger than Osk’s?” Hannah inquired.
“Didn’t you say Osk had a pretty long one?”
“It’s seriously long. But not real girthy.”
“Girthy?” Elena gasped, tumbling into another fit of giggles.
“Yeah. But his piercing makes up for the lack of thickness.”
Her mouth dropped open, a flash of horror on her face. “He has a piercing on his dick?”
“Doesn’t that hurt?”
“No. It feels awesome.”
“Back to Paddy’s schlong!” Hannah ordered, clapping her hands. “How girthy is he?”
“I don’t know. He felt pretty thick. But I’d have to see it to be sure.”
“I think you should go for it, Lex.”
“I don’t wanna lose my best friend.”
“But what if he’s the one you’re supposed to be with?”
“I have feelings for Osk.”
“Osk isn’t going to settle down.”
“What makes you think that’s what I’m looking for?”
“I guess you need to figure that out,” she said, pulling me in for a hug.
“Thanks, Hannah. I’m sorry I was being kind of a selfish douche yesterday.”
“You’re forgiven, sis.”
“I love you, Hannah.”
“I know. Now, let’s come up with a plan, so you can get eyes on the ginormous pecker.”
“What did you guys do this morning?” Hannah asked after we were settled at a table by the huge picture window overlooking the lake.
“I jammed with Dad and Osk,” Lucy shared.
“Cleo and I picked berries,” Madeline said.
“What kind of berries?” I asked.
“Red ones,” Cleo said.
“We ate them, Lexie.”
“I wanna go pick some.”
“You have to watch out for bears,” Lucy said.
“Oh yeah. Maybe I don’t wanna go.”
“We didn’t see any bears,” Madeline chuckled. “But we went with a fellow that works here. They don’t recommend you go alone to that area of the woods unless you have wilderness experience and a gun.”
“He had a big gun,” Cleo announced, nodding her head.
“Speaking of big guns,” Hannah whispered. “Did you come up with a plan?”
“Plan for what?”
“Paddy’s gun size.”
“Paddy doesn’t own a gun,” Cleo said.
“Yeah, he does,” I laughed.
“He told me he don’t like guns, Lexie.”
“I think we should change the subject,” Hannah suggested, throwing me a warning look. I scowled at her. She was the one who brought up Paddy’s dick.
“Hannah cancelled our sleepover,” Cleo huffed. “And I know why.”
“Have you been eavesdropping again?” Hannah asked.
“Nope,” she muttered. “I’m not changing diapers.”
“Cleo,” Lucy hissed.
“Are you pregnant, Hannah?” Madeline gasped.
“No,” Hannah said, glaring at Cleo.
“Bears live to be thirty,” Cleo announced when the server arrived with our food.
“Some live into their forties,” the girl replied.
“Wikipedia said thirty,” Cleo snapped. “And my sister cancelled our sleepover tonight because she’s in heat.”
I shook my head while Hannah’s face turned bright red. The server pretended she didn’t hear, setting the platters of food on the table.
“Is there anything else I can get you guys right now?”
“I think we’re good,” Madeline replied.
“People don’t go into heat,” Lucy whispered to Cleo.
“Are you guys trying to get pregnant?” Madeline asked.
“Yes,” Hannah replied.
“Oh, Hannah,” she whispered. “That is wonderful news.”
I dug into my crab salad, tuning out the chatter about pregnancy and babies. It wasn’t my jam. Most of my friends were still single. I hadn’t been inundated with wedding and baby shower invites just yet. By the time the dessert menus appeared, I was more than ready to bolt.
“I actually have to leave,” Madeline said, pushing back her chair. “But you girls go ahead with dessert. Lucy, remember not to wander into the woods if you venture outside. And Cleo, you do as Lucy says.”
“We’ll be fine, Madeline,” Lucy said. “Dad is meeting us in the game room at two.”
“Okay. I’ll see you girls later.”
“Where’s she off to?” I asked, glancing up from my menu.
“I’m not sure,” Hannah said. “Do you know, Lucy?”
“Lucy,” Hannah sighed. “You’re not a good liar.”
“Who’s the old dude?” I asked.
“What old dude?”
“The one Madeline just left with.”
Hannah turned her head toward the door. “Oh. That’s Miles’s Uncle Arthur.”
“Does Uncle Arthur have a wife?” I laughed.
“No,” Hannah said slowly.
“Please tell me Arthur and Madeline aren’t brother and sister.”
“They’re not. Madeline’s sister passed away. Arthur was her husband.”
“It sure is,” Hannah agreed thoughtfully, a small smile playing on her lips.
“Am I the only woman at this wedding who isn’t getting cock?” I grumbled with a frustrated sigh.
“Lex,” Hannah warned.
She nodded her head towards Lucy and Cleo.
“I know what sex is, Hannah,” Lucy chuckled.
“You should keep your legs closed,” Cleo warned without looking up from the table. She stared at the pictures in the dessert menu, muttering to herself about whores.
“Is there something you want to share with the class, Cleo?”
She glanced up from the menu, her forehead scrunched with confusion. “We aren’t at school, Lexie.”
“You need to stop talking to Mrs. Patterson,” I said.
“You can’t make me,” she bit out. “You’re not the boss of me, Lexie!”
“Let it go, Lex,” Hannah warned. “You’re getting her all worked up.”
“I am not,” I protested. “She said something rude. I called her out on it.”
“Mrs. Patterson likes Paddy!” Cleo barked, her loud voice carrying through the restaurant.
“Cleo, you need to use your inside voice,” Lucy whispered.
“No!” She slammed the menu down on the table and crossed her arms. “I don’t want Paddy to die!”
“What are you talking about, Cleo?” I asked.
“Let it go, Lex,” Hannah hissed.
“Mrs. Patterson said if Paddy put his dick in you, it would fall off!”
“I think I’m gonna pass on dessert,” I mumbled, rising from my chair. I stared straight ahead, making a beeline for the door while every person in the room stared at me.
Hannah was probably mortified. These people weren’t strangers. They were her wedding guests. Mostly family and friends of Miles.
People from the entertainment world.
Rich people, who looked down their noses at us because we were poor before Hannah got together with Miles. I read the tabloids. People could be very cruel. I wasn’t the one marrying a rock star, but the paparazzi liked to harass me from time to time when my sister wasn’t providing them with anything to write about.
The guests had to sign confidentiality agreements, but that wouldn’t stop them from gossiping about me. If I did end up with Osk, I would be vilified in the media.
Was Osk worth giving up my freedom for?
Did I even want Osk anymore?