Weeks passed and my pregnancy is still a secret from my son. We tried several times to talk to him about having a sibling. On how good it would be to play and spend time with a sibling but whenever we talked about it he assumed we were asking him to have another friend and he said he was fine with having just us as friends and is not interested in having another one. So that was a major failure.
Xavier and I then chose a random date to reveal straight off that he is going to be a big brother as the longer we wait, it would be physically impossible to hide it as I was almost three months pregnant already. Soon enough I would be spotting a huge belly and I didn’t want to hear my son ask me why I ate a soccer ball.
“Your hands are shaking, Angel.” Xavier pointed out placing his hand on the top of mine.
“There is still few hours left.”
“That just makes me more nervous.” I mumbled. We have decided that we’ll tell Ace after dinner. Yes, two adults prolonging as much as they can to tell their son about his sibling.
“You know sometimes when we worry too much about something and overthink about it, in the end maybe things will happen opposite to what we thought would happen, in a good way that is. Maybe this will be like that.”
“What do you mean?”
“What I meant is all this time we have been thinking that Ace would react badly to our news but what if surprisingly he likes the idea and would be happy?” He tried to convince for my sake.
“Fat chance, Xavier.”
“Let’s be positive, okay?” Xavier said and kissed my forehead.
“Why don’t we go out to have ice cream and put him in a good mood?” I suggested and he agreed.
“Ace, let’s go get some ice cream and candies.” Xavier yelled out so the Ace could hear from upstairs.
“Candies? We didn’t agree on that.” I snapped at him slapping his arm.
“The more he is happy, the greater chance he will react the way we want him to.”
“Hopefully. But if he gets too hyper after all that, you are putting him to sleep.” I said and he gave a hesitant nod. Ace came running towards us within a minute and stood before us with a wide grin.
“Let’s go, let’s go.” He cheered.
We had ice cream and brought some candies and everything we could do to make sure his mood stays happy and calm.
“Can we get one more chocolate bar please?”
“Of course, Son.” Xavier immediately agreed making me glare at him as Ace had already picked out three different chocolates.
“But you are not going to eat them all at once, okay Ace?” I said ruffling his hair.
“I know, Mamma. I will save some for later.”
“I thinks it’s time to go home.” Xavier said after we paid for the purchase.
“Yes, I guess.” I mumbled.
As soon as we reached home I went to the kitchen to start cooking dinner mainly to take some of my nervousness away.
“It smells nice in here, Mamma.” Ace said taking a deep breath once he entered the kitchen.
“And that is what pulled you away from your homework?”
“I finished it. I swear. So now I can enjoy.”
“Mind helping me then?”
“Chef Ace already on duty, Chief. Tell me my work.” Ace said saluting.
“Just wash those veggies for me please.”
“Consider it done, Mamma.”
He helped me through out and wanted to mix all the ingredients together which I helped him with.
“And we are done. Thank you for helping me, Ace.”
“It was my pleasure, Mamma.” He said sweetly.
“Go tell your father that the dinner is ready.”
I took the plates to the dining table and waited for them to come so that I could feed the hungry baby in my womb.
“Boys, come down fast or else I’m eating the whole thing.” I yelled out frustrated. Not able to wait any longer I began to eat.
“Sorry, I had some work to finish up.” Xavier apologised as soon as he came down.
“So you decided to let your wife be hungry?” I asked annoyed and he apologised even more.
“That’s not I meant, Love. I had to save some files. I would never want you and our b- stomach to be hungry. I’m sorry, Angel.”
“It’s okay. I started eating anyways.” I mumbled and then kicked his leg under the table for his slip up and he mouthed another apology.
I prolonged the dinner time maximum while having prep talk in my mind but as soon as everyone finished having dinner I began panicking again.
“I’ll help you wash the dishes. Ace why don’t you watch some cartoon in the mean time?”
“Okay, Daddy.” Ace said and left us alone.
We both silently washed the dishes both lost in our own thoughts. For a moment I felt like maybe we are being dramatic. Every parent who is about to have second child go through this. However with Ace it’s too different. He has his insecurities which lurks in the back of his head no matter how much time we tried to get rid of it.
“Let’s do this and not prolong anymore.” Xavier said gripping my hands in his and I gave him a determined nod. We went to the where Ace was watching cartoon and sat on his either side. I motioned Xavier to start the conversation and he shook his head negatively. We have been through this. It was agreed that he would start on the topic but now he is backing out. I glared at him furiously and then I saw a little bit of the business man confidence in his eyes.
“Ace, we have something to tell you.”
“Uh, what is it, Daddy?” Ace asked though his eyes where still focused on the TV.
“It is something important, Ace. But know that nothing between us will change, okay? You mean so much to us and our love for you only grows every second.” Xavier said after switching of the TV which gained Ace’s complete attention.
“Ace, there will be someone who will be staying here with us after few months.” I said softly cupping his face.
“Who, Mamma? Does this person has no home?”
“This is his/ her home, Baby. With us.” I said and he frowned.
“How come? This is our home.”
“I know, Baby. But our home will be this person’s too.” I said which instead confused him even more.
“Son, you are going to be a big brother.” Xavier said straightforwardly clearing up the confusion.
“Mamma is pregnant, little one. There is a baby in Mamma’s belly. He/ She will be your younger sibling.”
“Baby?” He asked horrified making my heart beat fast in fear.
“Yes, Son. You are going to have a little brother or sister.” Xavier said softly.
“Mamma is going to have a baby?” He asked again stressing on the word ‘baby’.
“Yes.” Xavier confirmed while I already felt the air become colder at the tense situation.
“Mamma don’t want Ace anymore?” He whimpered out and I immediately felt tears swell up in my eyes.
“Of course I want you, Ace. You are my son. My child. How could I ever not want you? You mean too much to me.”
“No, you lie! You don’t want Ace. You only want your baby. I’m not your baby anymore. You don’t care about me. You lie.” He screamed out aloud and I couldn’t help but flinch at his words.
“No, Baby. Mamma does love you. So so much. Nothing can change my love for you.”
“Stop lying. You are going to leave me now, aren’t you? When you get your baby you’ll leave with the baby and won’t ever come back to me. And then Daddy will also leave me. Everybody will leave and Ace will be all alone. Nobody wants Ace.” He yelled out sobbing.
“Nobody is leaving you, Ace. Not your Mamma and not me. We are a family and will always be. Just because you are having a sibling doesn’t mean we love you any less, Son. We will still love you the same. It’s just that there will be one more member in our family. Someone who will look up to you and love you unconditionally. A little brother or sister with whom you can play with everyday. You’ll have one more person who will love you forever.” Xavier said while wiping Ace’s tears away.
“I don’t believe you. I don’t.” Ace said with a small pout.
“It’s the truth, Ace. You are our son and always will be our son whom we love more than words can express.” Xavier assured while I stood where I was with my mind stuck around the things my child said.
“Mamma..” Ace whimpered and I hugged him to me till he fell asleep in my arms.
“He’ll come around, Love. His insecurities are stopping him from feeling the joy but once we manage to get rid of those insecurities he would fine with the idea of having a sibling. He would love our Bub the way a big brother should.” Xavier said and I nodded in reply though deep inside I knew that things won’t be that easy for us. To drive away his insecurities isn’t that easy. We have been trying that for a long time now but it is always there in his mind. But it should be removed permanently one way or other before it eats him away.
And probably for the first time since I became a mother I was unsure of what to do to help my child.