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Chapter Thirty-Nine


“No!” I screamed, keeping my hand over my wound as I crawled towards my best friend.

Sebastian looked shocked, and I noticed that a little smoke was still coming from the gun before he dropped it on the floor. Noah took this opportunity to tackle the man, working him to the ground as I finally reached Maria.

“Herra,” I squeaked out, my tears falling onto her blood-soaked shirt.

She looked at me, a little red seeping from the corner of her mouth, and her eyes already seemed duller.

“Bella,” she croaked out before swallowing hard, tears appearing in her eyes.

I looked at her wound, trying to stop the bleeding—make sure she was going to be alright. I couldn’t lose her. I needed her.

“Don’t you dare leave me, Maria,” I scolded her, my lower lip trembling with sadness and fear as I saw her face become paler and paler. It was as if I could literally see the life drain out of her.

But this couldn’t be it. This can’t be it. There was so much we still needed to do. So much she still needed to do.

I wanted her to live a happy and full life, not die like this because of me.

Oh god.

This was all my fault.

“Bellamy,” Maria mumbled, one of her hands moving to my stomach. “I love you. And you’re...you’re going to be an amazing mother.”

She coughed, blood splatters covering her face and the floor around us.

“No!” I yelled, tears clouding my vision and my hands feeling slippery from all the blood. I didn’t know whose it was anymore, but I knew deep down that more of it was Maria’s. Too much of it.

“Until we meet...” She let out a final breath, unable to finish her sentence, and I gasped.

“No! Dammit Maria!” I pressed harder against her wound, hoping—praying—that I would be able to save her.

Sirens sounded outside, and red and blue lights flickered through the window, but I almost couldn’t hear them.

This wasn’t real. These kinds of things didn’t happen in my life. It was something you saw in a movie, or read in a book.

The adrenaline made me forget my own pain, and only when I started to get light-headed did I realize that I was still bleeding.

“Bellamy,” Noah mumbled, appearing behind me and placing a hand on my shoulder.

Still sobbing, I brought a shaking hand to Maria’s eyes to close them, and only a few seconds later, I fell back and everything around me disappeared.

“Why didn’t she tell us she was pregnant?” My mother’s voice sounded in the distance, a faint beeping sound surrounding me.

“I don’t—” Isaac closed his mouth when my eyes slowly opened.

“Oh, honey,” Mom said, her face blotchy and puffy, showing me she had been crying.

I got used to the light in the room, immediately feeling extremely uncomfortable. My stomach hurt, my ribs hurt—basically, everything hurt.

It didn’t take long until I noticed Noah in the corner, sitting slumped down in a chair with his arms crossed, fast asleep. I swallowed at his blood-soaked clothing, memories flowing back into my mind.

“Mom,” I said hoarsely, trying to reach for her. Isaac stood on my other side, caressing his hand over my shoulder.

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Where is she?” I asked, searching the room for my best friend.

Instead, I was only met with Isaac and my dad.

“Bella...” she trailed off, brushing her thumb over my cheek in an attempt to calm me down, but panic washed over me.

“Where is she?” I asked louder, my breathing speeding up, in sync with the beeping sound next to me. This was a dream. It had to be a dream.


Noah jumped up from his chair, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he made his way over to me.

“Baby,” he said, cupping my face in both hands and looking at me with a frown. He looked tired. And it made me feel worse.

“Where is Maria?” I questioned with a squeaky voice, tears spilling from my eyes for what seemed like the millionth time this month alone.

“She...” he trailed off, quickly looking over to Isaac.

More panic washed over me when I thought of someone else I might have lost. My hands shot to my stomach and I groaned in pain, feeling the bump but not convinced that everything was ok.

“What about...”

Noah lowered his gaze to my belly, looking back up with a slight smile. “The baby’s fine.”

“He,” I corrected him, chewing on my bottom lip.


“Maria said it was going to be a boy,” I explained, squeezing my eyes shut at the memory of her. “How long have I been asleep?”

Mom stepped closer to the bed, brushing a hand over my hair. “Two days.”

I looked at her, seeing pain on her face as well. Suddenly sobbing uncontrollably, I reached for her, and she leaned over, embracing me.

How could it be that not a week ago Maria and I were having a cup of tea together, talking about our lives and trying to make things better for each other, and now she was gone?

I would never see her smile again, make new memories with her. God—she would never meet my baby.

Noah gave me a quick kiss on my hand before he, Isaac, and my dad left the room, giving me and my mom a little alone time.

We sobbed against each other’s shoulder, letting all our emotions out.

I couldn’t help but feel guilty about the fact that I hadn’t told my Mom that I was pregnant. Sure, I was scared that she would get mad, but deep down I knew better. She was the most supportive person on this planet, and it was stupid to think that she wouldn’t love a little grandbaby running around.

My mind wandered to the other kind of guilt I felt. The guilt towards Maria. If she never had met me, she wouldn’t be...

“He hasn’t left your side this whole time,” Mom whispered into your fabric of my hospital gown, slowly straightening up and wiping her face.

I furrowed my brows, looking in the direction Noah had left in earlier.

The pain in my chest grew bigger, almost feeling suffocated. Suddenly I wished that I wasn’t here anymore. Or on this planet in general.

“I’m not ok, Mom,” I stated, looking up to her.

“Oh, baby,” she cooed, brushing a hand over my head. “It’s ok not to be ok.”

I took my lower lip between my teeth, the lump in my throat growing more painful as I tried to resist more tears.

How the hell would I ever recover from this?

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