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By CourtneyGane All Rights Reserved ©

Drama / Romance


What is there to say to those you love when they deserve so much more than you? My emotions have been hidden for years, and as the time comes to say goodbye to a different version of me to create a new one, I must confess to them all... Even those close to you can be the ones you push the furthest away. So how do you admit your feelings when your too scared to realise they're there? This is the problem that Tessa Marcel has, she doesn't know how she feels and she's happy like that. But what if Tyler wants to change that? Tyler is the guy that's determined to make her feel better about herself, but what if she doesn't want to feel better? And Zac can't keep coming back, can he? Zac is her ex, she's never admitted how she feels about him either. But when he keeps coming back, it's getting harder to ignore the feelings she has. And then she gets feelings for them both. So who does she choose? And will she ever say 'I love you' to one of them? Who would you choose?

Prologue: Never Love

A while ago I became like every other teenager, I wanted love and affection. Through a course of events that dream was tarnished. Zac did this to me; he made me an emotionless being that only cares for her, though I’m bad at that too now.

I look in my mirror, standing emotionless, waiting for something to happen. When did my life turn out to be so morbid? I wonder. My brush pushes through my long chestnut brown hair in an attempt to keep it straight. I know in the morning it’ll be wavy any way, but I don’t think I want natural waves tomorrow. Big hair only ever brought attention to me, and attention is a bad thing I have learnt.

It seems that I have been living in this world for so long that things people wouldn’t think of doing, has become my normal life. It bothers me more than anything and I regret it every day of my life.

There are some people who crave attention in order to feel loved, but I’m okay being the same old Tess Marcel. I don’t need another person to call me beautiful; I don’t need hugs and kisses to be a part of something. I just need to keep this mask up on my face so everyone thinks me invisible and going on with my life. Truly though, it’s the exact opposite.

I may not want to feel things but that doesn’t mean I can’t help but slip out a few. I feel like a coward for abandoning emotions but in the end, hearts can’t be broken like this. Today is the day I begin my journey back to myself, bury old feuds, and reconnect with those of my past. That is my mission for the next two Years, to find myself again. I was once a very happy girl, I was too cheery but I was also very much wanting attention. This isn’t me now; I want to discover where I went wrong and find myself to bring that version of me back to the future for all to see. I want to see the smiling little girl that picked yellow weeds with my mother again. Because then I would be able to remember all the little things that my mother did for me, and be grateful.

I do like the notion of not seeking love however so I believe I was always meant to be this way, a mutual party in this grand scheme called love. I don’t look for it anymore; I haven’t for a while, all because of this one person that I will be seeing again today. After almost a full Year ago he said he didn’t want to see me anymore and that he hated me, it broke my heart.

Zac Walker, the boy everybody wanted, and yet I had him but really he never gave himself to anyone and I envy that now. This brown haired, brown eyed boy brought adventure to my world. And now I believe in some ways he ruined it, but in others I believe he gave me the opportunity to be something that little girl could never have been. So for a while now I’ve contemplated meeting him, and what I would do once I met him. I’ve come to a decision that I wouldn’t slap him, but I wouldn’t run into his arms expecting old feelings to come back either. I’ll be just neutral, that’s what I’m good at now. Pretending what I feel.

Over the Years people have become quite ashamed of me, though they haven’t said it, it’s quite obvious how they feel. I want people to be proud of me again, starting with my mother. Just the mention of her name can send me into tears, and I despise tears because they show weakness. I never want to be weak again.

I walk over to my small white desk and grab the keys to my car, off to meet the person who can be the key to this whole idea.

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