“Where the fuck were you!?” My heart let up into my throat but I turned around and found my little brother instead of my pops. His brown eyes were glowing with worry as he grabbed the front of my shirt and yanked me into his arms. “I was so worried.”
I held onto my brother with my good arm and kissed into his hair. Brothers usually don’t have the kind of relationship me and Tommy have, but they also didn’t grow up like us. Tommy is my life. Without him I would be just like my pops and that is….terrifying to even think of.
“I’m sorry,” I finally said.
“Where were you?” he demanded as he pulled away.
I stared into his eyes and couldn’t help but think that he got those eyes from dad. The only difference between them was that Tommy has that sparkle while my pops’ have been soulless for a long time. He is cool at moments and I love him for it, but he is really not father material. He is more like a general.
“I stayed the night with Sammy,” I said. After I had been stuck with a flat tire, I had no choice but to call my second in command. Sammy had been all questions but after he got nothing he gave up. Thank god, but then I decided to stay over his house, which thinking back was probably the stupidest idea in the damn world. I knew pops would kill me and yet oh brilliant me still stayed.
“Sammy?” Tommy said as he crossed his arms over his chest with a ‘liar’ look.
“I am telling the truth, Tommy,” I said, pushing past him. I couldn’t deal with the third degree right now. I need some space even from Tommy.
“Save it, Tommy,” I said. I touched the back of my head and groaned when I realized my room was the other way. I turned around and walked right into my shirt little brother, who was all bravado.
“Gio is here,” he said and boy did that have me snapping to attention.
I gasped in surprise of his words and then grabbed my little brother by his shoulders and made him look at me. “Where is he?” Tommy gasped in surprise much like I had but his was from my tight grip on his shoulders. He stayed like that for a second but then quickly caught onto what was going on and narrowed his eyes at me with suspicious coming off of him in waves that threatened to drowned me.
“I-I have some unfinished business with him,” I lied. I never really had been a good liar when it came to my little brother. He sees through me like I am made of nothing but fucking glass.
Tommy rolled his eyes. “Big brother, I have known you for sixteen years, two of which I cannot recall. What in your small brain told you that lying to me would get you anywhere?”
I cursed and let him go. I ran my fingers through my messy hair and then read Tommy. Much like he was to me, I could see through him as well and right about now he was giving me that look only Tommy could give me. “Tommy…I can’t tell you because I don’t know.”
He quirked his eyebrow, “I didn’t ask you anything.”
“Your eyes did.”
Tommy smiled. “And what did my eyes ask, Vinnie?”
I sighed. “They asked ‘what the fuck do you want with a boy you so call hate?’ the answer is, I have no fucking clue.” I rubbed my mouth. “It’s like when I am around him, I’m not alone which is weird since I am never fucking alone. My whole life I have had someone with me but-“
“He reminds you of yourself,” Tommy deadpanned. “Do you- ya know- like him?”
I choked on the breath I had been taking and stumbled over the feet I had been pacing with. I puffed my chest full of air, “Hell-“
“Liar!” he interrupted before the “no” could even escape my mouth. “Oh, god! Big brother! Oh Fuck! You like a-“I slapped my hand over his mouth and gave him a look that could rival the nuclear bombing in Hiroshima. Tommy shrank back in my arms and I nodded.
He better be fucking scared with his big ass mouth. If dad heard what was about to roll off of his tongue, bad shit would happen and I couldn’t let my little brother live with my death on his conscious.
“I don’t like him. He is- the enemy.” Tommy shook his head but I pinned him with my glare again and he stopped. “Giovanni is not good for me or for any of the Mussolini boys.”
“You keep telling yourself that,” Tommy said as he ripped my hand away from his mouth. I glared at him and he glared right back. “This is the first time someone has ever gotten under that bulletproof skin of yours, Vinnie. Maybe you should just let is pan out. I mean don’t do anything rash but-“
“But what!?” I screeched impatiently. “If pops found out about the way I am feeling for Gio, he would castrate me and make me give up the family name. I would be kicked out and then I would end up in a ditch with no pulse.”
“You are over reacting, Vinnie.” Tommy turned his back to me but not before I caught sight of a certain sadness and self-hate in his eyes. “Pops would never do that. He loves us-you. He loves us both.” He walked away before I could answer and I watched with a weird feeling in my chest. Tommy is….so weird.
I ran up the stairs and then realized that I had no idea where Gio was because I had been too busy arguing with Tommy to clarify. I grumbled and decided to go to my room and change before going to find him. I slammed my door opened and walked over to the bathroom that was connected to my room. I slid my shirt over my head and then unbuckled my pants.
“You really should scope your room out more carefully before you just start undressing,” Gio said from right behind me. I jumped and punched him in his face without really thinking about it. I gasped when my hurt fist slammed into his hard jaw and cursed when he fell on the floor.
“Fuck Gio! What the hell were you doing!?” I screamed. “I could have shot you!”
“With what gu-“ I yanked out my 22m from the drawer beside my toilet and he quickly shut up. I saw blood dribble down from his lip and felt guilt crawl up my chest. I leaned down and he winced until I set my hand on his swelling cheek.
“I’m- I’m- god this burns- I’m so-“
“I get it,” he said with a smirk. I smiled down at him and watched as his smirk dropped and his eyes got wide.
“What?” I said.
“You smiled,” he whispered with a curious look. I felt my face go scarlet. “I like it.” And didn’t that have me turning even brighter. “And-“ he paused. “I like the way you look when you blush.”
I sank down onto my knees between his legs and bit my lip. “You sound gay,” I said.
That had him snapping up. “I am not gay! I was just complimenting you!” I looked into his green eyes and found nothing. “God, I taste blood.” He wiped his mouth and then grimaced when he saw the red smear on the palm of his open hand.
I turned around and grabbed the first-aid kit off the counter. I snapped it opened and opened a wipe before looking back up and meeting his eyes. He looked nervous as I leaned in. “Calm the fuck down,” I commanded. His muscles only tightened.
“I’ll do it,” he said suddenly going for the wipe but instead landing on the wipe he grasped my fingers. Both of our eyes snapped over to the wipe and then to each other. Something inside of me switched and I felt this sudden pull toward him. It was like a magnet attracted to the other one.
I outstretched my shaking hand toward him. My fingers landed on the side of his neck and he closed his eyes. “Vincent,” he groaned. I let the sweet sound assault my ears and then let my fingers slide up even further so I was cupping his chin.
Every rational part of me was screaming to stop. I swear even my ancestors were screaming at me from their graves, but nothing cut through the fog that had clouded my mind. I felt his hand on my exposed hip and bit my lip so I wouldn’t moan.
What is happening to me!?
“You can do it,” he finally said as he released my other hand. My eyes opened, even though I had no recollection of when they closed, and I got a hold of myself. The hand on my hip kept half of me in the fog however. I could feel tingles flying up abdomen as we sat there.
“Um. Okay,” I said in a huskier voice than usual. I clasped the hand that was already on his chin tighter and then brought the wipe to just above my hand. I captured the drop of blood and then began to clean the streak it had made until I got right to the side of his mouth. I looked up and met his eyes.
“You get it all?” he asked. I shook my head but made no move to finish. “You just going’ to stare at me?” I started to nod but caught myself. What the hell is happening to me? Damn Tommy! He just had to say that shit!
I shook my head and then pushed the wipe right to the side of his mouth. He winced but I chose to ignore it. I pushed harder and harder until he finally gripped my wrist and tore it away.
“I think it’s clean!” he hissed. I gave him the cold shoulder and began to pick everything up. I have to get a hold of myself before I do something I will regret. Gio is a curse. A fucking curse. Fist he comes and fucks my shit up at school and now he is in my mind at every second of everyday. I can’t seem to escape him. Not even in my own home.
“Leave,” I finally said.
“Uh, why?” he countered.
“I fucking said so,” I hissed back. I went to stand up but he yanked me by my hand and I lost my balance. I fell forward into the shower and grabbed the handle to catch myself but all that did was turn on the water. I slid down to the ground and gave up. My head fell into my hands and I just sat there. Everything is so messed up now. I felt his eyes on me but I didn’t care.
He could watch me give up!
I was so sick of everyone thinking I am made of steel. I’m not! I am a human believe it or not! I have lungs, bones, and a heart! I breathe oxygen and exhale fucking carbon dioxide just like everyone else. Yeah, my great, great, grandfather was Benito Mussolini, ruler of Italy that had bombed Ethiopia in the 1930’s and made the strongest naval and air forces in Italy. Yeah, my great grandfather was the founder of this gang once our family sought out refuge in America after he was hung. Yeah, my grandfather was best friends with Al Capone and was as harsh or maybe even harsher when it came to the biss. Yeah, my father is the scariest mother fucker in Chicago today with a past that would make anyone shit their pants but I am just fucking me! I am no great leader! I am no starter of a scary ass gang! I am no best friend to Al fucking Capone, and no I am not my father! I am none of them! I am Vincent! Just fucking Vincent.
“It’s okay, Vin,” Gio whispered from right beside me. I felt his arm go around me and then I felt myself being pulled into his lap as the cold spray hit my body. “Don’t- Please don’t cry.” I hadn’t realized I had been crying. I buried my head in his neck and latched onto his soaking shirt just letting this moment of vulnerability happen. I needed a break from the big boy act. I just need fucking one.
“You can- you- you can talk to me,” he finally got out. For a minute I thought about just letting all of my problems out, but then I thought better of it. Gio is still the enemy. If I told him what I felt he could use it against me and I couldn’t take that any more than him stabbing me right out in the center of my muscular chest.
I started to force the tears back until I was finally done being a little pansy, as my dad would call it. I took my head out of his sweet neck and wiped my face even though it didn’t help the shower’s still spray coming down on us. I looked into his eyes and saw understanding and hurt. I snapped my eyes away with a sick feeling in my stomach.
Don’t you dare trust him, my brain hissed at me.
“Vincent, I-“ I shut him up by taking a hold of his throat.
“You ever- and I do mean fucking ever- tell anybody about me crying or what else happened here and I will slit your throat and hide your body so good even the people from Narnia won’t be able to find your bitch ass. And parents be damned.” I stood up and walked out of the shower feeling wet to the bone. I pushed my soaking jeans off of my shaking body. I couldn’t decide if the shaking was from the cold on the outside or from the inside.
“Hey, Vincent?” Gio said suddenly.
I reeled around. “Wha-“ I abruptly cut off when his fist landed right in my face. I fell back against the door and grasped my face in shock.
“That’s for choking me,” he hissed. “And this,” he said as he yanked me to his chest. “Is for not trusting me.” I was vaguely away of his fingers in my back as he held me against his smaller frame. I was so confused as to why he was hugging me when I hadn’t trust him.
“Vin we are so messed up,” he said into my naked shoulder. “We are so messed up.” I held him against me finally and laid my head down onto his. He held me tighter and I let him even though oxygen was barely coming into my mouth. This is what I needed…what I craved.
I suddenly lifted him off the floor and carried him to my bed. I set him down and then walked to my door, locking it before returning to my bed and falling right into his arms again. I knew I would regret this tomorrow, but here in the now I couldn’t find a fuck to give.
“You’re right, Gio,” I whispered as I cuddled into his wet shirt. “We are so messed up.”
I vaguely heard the sound of snoring in my ear before a loud slamming sound happened. I brushed it off and buried my face deeper into Gio’s chest. He murmured in his sleep and that made me smile sleepily. “Where the hell is my son!?” came the loud scream.
Gio suddenly shot up and his chest was pumping up and down erratically. I wiped my eyes and looked over at him only to see him climbing out of my bed in a rush.
“Gio?” I said. He stopped for a moment and then turned around to face me.
“I’m so- god you’re right. It does burn,” he said and then yanked my door open and ran out. I clambered out of bed still half asleep. I tugged on a pair of sweats and then ran after Gio.
“Where the hell were you!?” came another angry scream. Just as I came around the corner a tall man with the same honey brown hair Gio had slapped him across the face so hard he fell.
I was suddenly wide awake as I charged at the offending person. I pushed against his chest and glared at him. “You. Don’t. Touch. Him.”
The man suddenly became even more angry and reached out to slap me but I grabbed his hand and pressed a pressure point on him that had him screaming in pain. I kicked out one of my feet and he fell with my grip still on the pressure point.
“Did you hear me?” I hissed.
“Vincent, no!” Tommy screamed as he slammed into my back. I was caught off guard so I ended up stumbling and falling on the floor right beside Gio, who was staring over at the man with wide, shocked eyes and his hand over the cheek that had been struck.
“Are you okay?” I asked as I got up and touched his cheek. He snapped out of his shocked look and slapped me so hard I saw stars.
“You stay the fuck away from me!” he screamed and then crawled over to the man. “Pops?”
Oh, fuck me.
“Pops?” he said again. His pops turned over and pinned me with a glare just as my pops and ma slid to halt at the end of the hall. Tommy suddenly yanked on my shoulder and I looked over just as my dad screamed my name.
“Go! Vincent, run!” Tommy screamed. I looked over at him and he shook his head and pushed me toward the door. I looked back as I ripped the door open and saw everything in slow motion.
Tommy yelling for me to run.
Ma crying for some reason god only knows.
Gio giving me a pissed look.
Gio’s pops giving me a death stare to rival his son’s.
My dad pointing a gun at me as he screamed words that didn’t compute.
I ran out the door faster than I ever think I had and ran down the sidewalk with only my sweats and damp boxers on to Tino’s.
Sam would help me.
He had to.