“I love you, Tommy,” I whispered and slid out of the bed next him. He murmured something in his sleep and then rolled over. I smiled and then walked out of his room silently. I went to go to my room but a hand on my shoulder had me stopping.
“Ma?” I said when I met her hazel eyes. She looked like she had been crying so I took her into my arms and held her to me. “Ma, what’s wrong?” She said nothing as she cried. I felt her sorrow and despair like it was being transferred between our touching bodies.
“I should have left him when I had the chance and none of you would be like this,” she whispered. I felt her shoulders shake and demanded my tears to stay at bay for her. I had to be strong for my ma and brother. Pops was strong, but he was strong for the sake of people always watching him. He never stayed strong for us…or maybe he did and I just never felt it.
I rubbed her shoulders and kissed her head, “Ma you love pops. That would have made you miserable,” I said. She looked up at me with wet eyes and a sad look that burrowed right into my breaking heart. Ma was one of those demon that were completely strong but snapped every once in awhile when it became too much for one person to handle. She knew everything about pops and his business while we only knew what we would be doing.
“I love you boys more and if something were to happen-“
“Ma nothing is going to happen,” I promised. “We are strong like you and witty like pops. We can get through anything because we have fucking amazing parents.”
“Watch your mouth,” she said as she wiped her eyes. I smirked and kissed her head.
“I love you, ma.”
“I love you too, baby.” I hugged her again.
“Can you stay with him tonight?” I asked when we pulled apart. “He needs his ma.”
She smiled. “Of course.” I took a step away and she grabbed my hand.
“He loves you boys too,” she said.
“Ma, the day I hear that pass from his lips will be the day I believe it.” I walked down the hall to my room and closed the door. I began to take my shirt off and then dispose of the rest of my clothes. I pulled on my pajama pants and weighed when I heard my bathroom door open.
“Can-can I come in?” he asked.
“I invited you didn’t I?” I said with a smirk. He walked in and walked over to me. He held his hand out and then met my eyes finally. I grasped his hand and then pulled him into me.
“What is wrong with us?” he asked with defeat.
I shrugged. “I don’t think anything is wrong with us. I think there is something wrong with the way we think and how we act on our…feelings…”
He smiled against my shoulder. I smiled against his hair and looked down at his honey brown hair. We needed this. We needed to get everything out before we decided what we were going to do.
I walked us backwards and fell back on the bed with him on me still. I sighed when he sat up and looked down at me. “What do you feel when you see me?” he asked with his green eyes shining.
“Hate,” I said and watched the shine leave. “But I also feel this emotion that stems from my heart. It’s like I can’t breathe when you stand close to me. I can’t think when you touch me. I can’t talk when you smile at me. I don’t want anyone to ever touch you, but I know it’s not my place to tell you what to do.” I looked to the side so he wouldn’t see how honest I was being. I felt like I just ripped my own chest open and then took my heart out and then put it in his hands. It’s his choice to either crush it or keep it forever.
“I-I-“ he stumbled over his words. I sighed and looked back at him to find him looking right at me. “I love when you smile at me instead of that damn sardonic smirk you do. When you hold your brother, it makes my heart squeeze in all the right places. I love the way you take control of situations but still manage to blow a gasket when it comes to me. I love that twinkle in your eyes when you think about something you feel passionate about and I love the way you make my heart speed up just by looking at me. I love that you are protective of your boys and I love that you would do anything for them.” He leaned close to me and cupped my face. “I think- I think I- I love you…”
I sat up so fast he flew out of my lap. My heart had taken up a speed that made race horses seem like they were on rewind. He had said it! He fucking said…those words. This was supposed to be a talk not a fucking heart attack!
“You can’t- Gio no!” I hissed and began pacing back and forth.
Just earlier today I had said that I thought I was falling in love with him, and with those three words, three syllables, eight letters, and a whole lot of emotions, it seemed like everything came into focus. I love him! I love him.
“I needed you to at least hear it,” Gio said. I looked down at him. He was curled up in a ball on the floor like he was broken and was trying to hold himself together. “I have never told anyone that. Not my ma. Not my pops. No one.”
“Gio…” I whispered and got on my throbbing legs. He looked up and tears streamed down his face. His usually witty, fun-seeking eyes held nothing but despair and love. He was so honest and it made me feel like hell. I could never tell him those words back….
“Vin, touch me,” he said suddenly. I watched as he pulled his shirt over his head and sprawl himself across the floor. He leaned up and touched my cheek. “Touch me…” I nodded and never separated my eyes from his as I put my finger tips against his chest. His heartbeat was so strong I felt it through his thick skin.
“Your heart is so strong,” I whispered. He closed his eyes and a tear slid down his face and onto his chin. I let the small water droplet fall onto his chest and then brushed it away. It didn’t belong here with us now.
I looked down at my fingers and pushed him back. He easily went back and kept his eyes closed as I hovered above him. I let my fingers feather across his quivering skin. He moaned lightly when I went over his nipple. “Vin,” he whispered so low. I closed my eyes and let my finger move across him in a way that could only be described as searching. I was searching for a reason to stop, but nothing came. Not even the usual cock blockers. This moment was ours.
I dipped my face into his neck and let my body cover his. He groaned from my weight but I knew he could handle it so I made no move to get off. I rubbed myself against him in slow, circular motions. He moaned softly and let his shaking hands fall onto my back. He whimpered into my ear and I looked up to find his head turned to the side and tears falling down his face again.
I turned his head toward mine and wiped away his tears. “Don’t cry, baby. Please just don’t cry.” He whimpered again and held me tighter to him. I nodded in encouragement. I needed him to touch me just as much as he needed me to touch him. I needed an anchor or else I would fly away and never come back down.
I slid my hand up his chest and across his cheek until I got to his silky, honey colored hair. The strands felt like water gliding through my fingers. Everything about him was so perfect. Every mark and scar, shape and crater, every color and part. He was an image of true perfection.
“Vin,” he groaned. It was then that I realized I was so caught up in his beauty that I had stopped rotating my hips against his. He dropped his hands down to my waist and then timidly went down to my ass and pulled me against him.
“Yes, baby,” I whispered. I don’t know when the term of endearment had been given to him by me, but I liked the sound of it coming for my lips. It was his. It fit him.
“Can we go to the bed?” he asked quietly. I looked down at his eyes and he blushed a beautiful pink color.
Who knew a man could be beautiful?
Sure as hell not me.
“Come on,” I said as I got up and pulled him with me. I sat back on the bed and laid down flat so he could look at me. He stood at the side of the bed with his eyes on my chest, but made no move to come down with me.
“Come here,” I whispered with my arms open. He shook his head and went over to my door. For a brief moment fear took a hold of my heart. I thought he was leaving but he just went to the door and locked it and then walked to the bathroom and walked through the doors. A few moments later he came back and smiled down at me.
“I don’t feel like being cock blocked right now,” he whispered. I laughed and held my arms open for him. He slid into them like butter melting on a skillet and I let him lay on top of me. We held each other with no more words being said because there was no need.
He turned his head and put his chin right on my solar plexus. I didn’t worry about struggling to breath however. I was already breathless from the sight of his beautiful face already.
Fuck! He is turning me into a sap.
“You are so fuckin’ beautiful,” he said with a look of pure adoration in his catlike green eyes. I smiled and thought about the first time I met those eyes. He looked do sure of himself, challenging me to a fight he knew he could win. Now, in my arms, he looked the complete opposite.
“I don’t know about you,” I started.
“-but I’m feelin’ twenty-two?” he tried. I laughed so loud that he had to cover my mouth.
I slapped his hand away and bit my lip. “You are so stupid, idiota.”
“That makes no sense,” he said with his eyelids drooping down and then reopening. He looked beat and I had no doubt that I looked the exact same way. I was tired to the very core of myself. Tired of hiding, crying, missing, and fighting. So tired.
“Can I stay with you?” he whispered as he laid his head down flat on my chest.
I kissed the top of his head. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
With him cuddled against me so tight, I slept the best sleep I had since my pops came into my room when I was ten and told me about what my life held.
I smiled. He hadn’t told me everything that day. He hadn’t told me I would fall in love with a boy and want to give him the world but would settle for giving him my heart instead. Gio owned me. He owned me forever now.