I know that I will be judged, every second of every day I am judged by someone. I never meant to fall in love with him. God willing, I didn’t. All I ever wanted was to be loved, and now every time I look into his ocean-blue hues all I can feel are my heart palpations, and the blood in my veins beginning to race with anxiety and anticipation. Anticipation of the soft kisses, he would press to my collar-bone, before tracing his lips tenderly to my jaw-line; making his way to my lips. Anticipation of the long walks we would take alone, along the coast, getting lost in our conversations. Anticipation of the long hours spent amidst the field filled with honeysuckle. Anticipation of the feelings my stomach would churn with every night in which I would crack open my bedroom door to sneak across the hall, crawling vulnerably into his arms, to be held and comforted.
I was a meek school girl, barely able to get my point across. I was never stolen for class-skipping kisses, by any boys. Not one. I was a measly little freshman with a sad outlook on life, living on the coastline in Maine.
It didn’t start this way, it was never meant to be this way, and both of us know it, we know it quite well. We know that the moment a single soul catches us we will be separated, never to love again. Caution. It is all we have, and even though the love we feel is more real than anyone else’s, no one can ever know, and for now, it’s our secret.