#3 Stop hitting on my sister
Waking up with morning wood when you don’t have anywhere to rush off to is one of the best feelings in the world. Of course, it would be better with a girl by my side to blow me, but my right hand does the trick as well. I pull down my boxers and go to town, using my precum as lube. Hopefully I won’t have to do this myself again tonight. I’m definitely planning on going out to a club and hooking up with someone.
A vision of Christina in her red lacy lingerie crosses my mind, and I pick up the pace. Soon enough, I remember the pictures Valentina sent me earlier this week. Why use my imagination if I can look at the real thing? I take a breather to grab my phone and pull up one of my favorite pictures. She’s completely naked, her fake blonde hair a sexy mess, and she has her legs open for me like she wants me to bury myself in her like I’ve done so many times before.
It doesn’t take me long to finish once I’ve got that hot-as-sin visual to help me out. Once I’ve wiped myself clean, I decide to do something that I might regret not long from now, but I’m doing it anyway.
I text my ex.
Thanks for the pics.
Hey stud, she replies right away. You jerking off in bed? You’ve always been a fan of morning sex…
The woman knows me too well. I might be.
How does Natalie feel about you jerking off to pictures of me?
Ah, there we go again. Whenever one of us texts, we always need to check if we’re both single or not. If one of us isn’t, things won’t go past some innocent flirting. If we’re both single, all bets are off.
No clue. Moved out yesterday.
Where are you staying now?
Davis’ family guest house.
The reply takes a moment, the dots jumping around, stopping, then starting up again. I might be in town in a couple of weeks. Wanna catch up?
Catch up. We both know what that means. Five minutes of small talk, hours of hot sex, and then we usually get into a fight about something stupid, she slams doors, I yell, and we part ways on terrible terms. Until one of us gets drunk again and we pick up where we left off through text.
I never said we had a healthy relationship. It was a hot mess back when we were still a couple, and it’s gotten even worse since the second time we broke up. The final time. She’s still the best I’ve ever had, though. So of course I text back that she should let me know when she’s in town.
Once that’s out of the way, I get out of bed and get dressed. I’ll need to make the rounds today, to see all my siblings and their gazillion kids. Oh joy. It’s not like I hate kids or anything. I love them. I just don’t want any of my own, yet no one seems to understand that’s a perfectly okay option. My family thinks I’m just too young to know what I want, and one day I will meet the right girl and suddenly want to procreate.
I highly doubt that.
And it’s not like it’s impossible to find a girl who doesn’t want any kids either. Valentina and Natalie don’t want kids. Lizzy did, which was one of the many reasons we broke up. I’ve met other girls who don’t want rugrats as well. I’ve even put it on my dating profile, just so I’m sure the girls contacting me are either just in it for the sex, or want a childless relationship.
The living room is empty when I walk in, but I see the back door is open. I find Maxim lying on a stretcher in the backyard, wearing nothing but his swimming trunks and a pair of sunglasses.
“What the hell are you doing?” I ask, tempted to check if he’s sporting a fever. “We don’t have a pool or anything, and it’s not that hot out.”
“The sun is shining, and I need a tan.” He holds up his beer, which is apparently what he’s having for breakfast. “What are our plans today? Relax all day, party all night, fuck like rabbits the moment we find some fresh meat?”
I roll my eyes at my friend. “Basically, yes. I’m gonna start by popping over to my siblings’ houses. Otherwise they’ll all show up here at once. They’re much easier to take in small doses.”
First stop: Marcus and Gracie. No one will come ever out and say it, but Marcus is the head of our family. Our oldest brother Dshawn feels like he is, but age doesn’t have anything to do with it. All the Davis siblings aside from me and Dshawn live on this property. When Marcus snagged himself a rich girl – who is extremely down to earth, by the way, but her family is loaded – and knocked her up, her father offered to build the entire family houses on this big plot of land he’d bought. Thanks to him, Creed, Nia, Marcus and Aliyah all have their dream houses and they’re neighbors. Aside from their houses, the lot also holds the guest house and a small house for the live-in nanny. That used to be this pious Muslim girl for years, but she got married to an equally pious Muslim guy, so when she left, Joy took over. I know I’ve met Joy before, but I honestly can’t remember it. I do remember her tight ass in that dress last night, though… Damn. That’s one hot nanny.
I don’t even bother ringing the doorbell when I arrive at Marcus’ house. It’s morning, and it’s the weekend, so I know for a fact they’ll be out on the back porch with the kids. Marcus and his wife have this routine going that they hardly ever change. I’d rather die than become so predictable, but it’s obvious it makes them happy. My idea of happiness is quite different, but I’m all for them doing whatever floats their boat. If it’s getting up at the same time each morning, having a shitload of kids, and living their boring, predictable lives, who am I to fault them for it?
“Pierre!” Marcus says happily, getting up from his chair with his 1-year-old son Liam in his arms. “Creed texted earlier to say you’d arrived late last night after all. Sorry we weren’t there to greet you. We were in bed by then already.”
2-year-old Noah is running up to me at top speed, so I lift him off the ground and throw him up in the air. He giggles loudly, ordering me to do it again. I play with him for a few minutes before setting him down in the sandbox where his 6-year-old sister Harper is making a phenomenal castle out of nothing but sand and water. I ruffle her hair and then sit down with my brother and his wife.
“You guys look extremely tired for people who go to sleep before midnight,” I can’t help but notice.
Gracie laughs without humor. “Wow, thanks. Ever the charmer.”
“Sorry.” I quickly glance at Marcus, afraid that I’ve said something that will make Gracie cry. Last time I was here, I made a comment about how much Liam was crying that day, and it promptly made Gracie start bawling. Of course, Liam had been a lot younger then, and Gracie was probably still reeling from pregnancy hormones or something. I don’t know enough about having kids to understand all that shit. “I don’t mean you look bad or anything. Just… tired.”
“It’s okay, I know I look like shit.” Gracie yawns and leans against Marcus for a moment. “Liam woke up a gazillion times last night, and he woke up Noah a few times. And of course Harper decided to wake us by screaming at the top of her lungs that there was a bug in her room, and she threw a fit when we couldn’t find it anywhere.”
“If you need a break, I’d be happy to watch the kids for a couple of hours today,” I offer right away. “You guys can go take a nap or something.”
Marcus looks at me like I just grew three extra heads. “Why would you do that?”
“Erm… because I’m your brother, I’m unemployed, I have nothing to do except go say hi to everyone, and you’re putting me up in the guest house without charging me any rent?”
“Of course you’re not paying rent.” Gracie almost sounds offended, pulling up her long blonde hair into a messy bun. As she moves, her breasts bounce a little, and I realize she’s not wearing a bra. And since she’s still breastfeeding, she’s got huge breasts. Way bigger than they used to be. I force myself to look away. I’m not going to perv on my brother’s wife, who is like a sister to me. But what can I say? I do appreciate a good set of tits. “You don’t need to babysit for us because you feel obligated,” she goes on. “We do have a nanny, you know.”
“She’s got the day off,” Marcus reminds his wife. “Joy doesn’t work weekends, remember?”
“Then it’s settled,” I decide, putting my hands around my mouth to yell at Harper. “Hey, princess, do you want to hang out with your uncle Pierre today?”
“Sure,” she shouts back. “Can we get ice cream?”
Gracie rolls her eyes. “We need to check her priorities. Seriously, Pierre, there is no need for you to-”
“How about this,” I propose. “I go say hi to the others around here first, while you guys get the kids ready for a fun day out. Then I’ll load them into my car, and take them with me when I visit Dshawn and Aston. I’ll take them to a park or something, feed them ice cream, and you guys take a nap or whatever it is married couples do when they get a few hours to themselves. Do a crossword puzzle, work in the yard, something boring.”
Marcus grins. “I know you’re making fun of us, but I already made the crossword half an hour ago, and we do need to mow the lawn this weekend.”
Gracie squeezes his leg. “Or we could actually take that nap…” The tone of her voice makes it clear she’s not talking about sleeping at all, but I bet the activity she has in mind does involve a bed. Good for them. It’s a little gross to think about my brother’s sex life, but I’d be more worried if he didn’t have any. Especially when he’s married to a knockout like Gracie. Even after three kids, she still looks like a supermodel, tired or not.
“Then it’s settled. I’ll be by to pick them up in about an hour.” Before they can protest, I get up, say goodbye to the kids, and take off to see my other siblings.
Next stop are Khiêm and Nia, although I doubt Nia will be home. When I find Khiêm home alone with three kids, I’m not surprised at all. Aside from his own two cuties, Thanh and Nuan, Aliyah’s kid Lennox is there as well. The three of them are sitting at the table, painting glass jars. I have no idea why, but they look like they’re having fun.
“They’re making tea light holders,” Khiêm explains. “Nia is at the store. She won’t be home until late tonight.”
Nia owns her own clothing store, and she sells a lot of stuff online as well, so she’s basically always crazy busy and doesn’t take time off on Saturdays because that’s one of her busiest days of the week.
“That’s okay. I just wanted to say hi since I didn’t get to see you last night.” I pat his back when he gives me a hug. “Good to see you again, man.”
“Yeah, same.” He’s about to say something else when the door into the living room opens, and a curvy Asian woman walks in, wearing yoga pants and a Harry Potter T-shirt that slopes off her shoulder. She’s a little on the chunky side, just like Khiêm, but she makes up for that by having a thick, juicy ass and phenomenal breasts. What is it this morning with women going braless around here? Did I miss a sign saying bras are forbidden on Saturdays? I’m down with that rule for sure.
“Hi there.” I hold out my hand, giving her my most charming smile. She’s obviously a little older than I am, probably in her early thirties, but that’s never stopped me before. “I’m Pierre.”
“Yeah, I know,” she replies, barely touching my hand when she shakes it. “We’ve met before. Several times.”
“I highly doubt that. I think I’d remember you.”
Khiêm smacks me on the back of my head. “Stop hitting on my sister.”
“Phuong?” I ask, taking in the woman again. No, she doesn’t look like her. “Wait, what’s the other one’s name… Nocci or something?”
“Ngoc,” the woman replies. “I’m the youngest. Mingmei.”
I vaguely remember a third sister, but I swear to God she did not look this appealing whenever I last saw her. My eyes drop to her chest again, wondering how big her tits are exactly. Definitely more than a D cup. E or F, probably. Damn. And I don’t think it’s because of breastfeeding like Gracie. I remember there being one sibling of Khiêm’s that didn’t have kids yet. This must be her, since she’s the youngest.
“May I just say you might be the only woman in the world able to pull off a Harry Potter T-shirt?” I know I need to reel it in, but I can’t help myself. “It looks very good on you.”
“Go put on a bra,” Khiêm tells his sister through gritted teeth, knowing fully well why I am complimenting her ugly T-shirt. “Maybe pull a trash bag over your head before coming back down.”
Mingmei rolls her eyes. “Fine.”
The moment she takes off, Khiêm all but drags me into the kitchen so we’re out of earshot for the three kids. “You are not going to hook up with my sister, you hear me?”
“Yeah, yeah, Creed already told me pretty much anyone who’s ever been in contact with any of you is off limits. Don’t worry, I got the memo.”
“Those flirty comments and the way you were ogling her chest did not make me too sure you truly did get any memo.” Khiêm sounds very annoyed with me. “Look, I get it. Your girlfriend threw you out and blew up your life. You’re pretending you don’t give a shit, but you guys were together for three years or something, right? You must be devastated. If you need to fuck her out of your system, go ahead. No judgment here. Just don’t go around here looking for a hookup. Find someone who isn’t my sister. Mingmei is too vulnerable right now to deal with your ass.”
“Vulnerable?” Fuck, what did I miss? “Isn’t she like… 30?”
“31,” he confirms. “What does age have to do with being vulnerable? She dumped her boyfriend a week ago. That’s why she’s staying with us. She gave him a week to pack his shit and get the hell out of her apartment. She’s moving back home in a few days.”
“Why isn’t she staying in the guesthouse?” I can’t help but ask.
Khiêm gives me a pointed look. “First of all, I knew you’d be staying there. I like you, but I don’t trust you to keep it in your pants, and Mingmei… I don’t trust her to keep it in her pants either, but if you ever repeat that to her, I will kill you. Second of all, I actually like my sister, and I want to be there for her. She needed a distraction, and my kids are definitely a good distraction for her.”
“If she’s the one who dumped him, then why is she vulnerable about it?”
“Jesus Christ, are you kidding me?” He shakes his head and sighs. “Are you saying Natalie isn’t upset over things ending with you, even though it was her choice? It doesn’t matter who did the dumping. It’s still tough on both parties. They were together for over two years. This is not a decision she made lightly.”
“Right, sorry.” I honestly didn’t think about Natalie much today until he just mentioned her. He’s right, she’s definitely upset. Should I text her or something? Or would that only add fuel to the fire? “Okay, I promise not to put the moves on your sister.”
“That’s all I’m asking.” But then Khiêm thinks of something else. “Okay, it’s not all. You obviously also can’t try anything with Joy.”
“Yeah, yeah, Creed already made it clear the nanny is off-limits. She’s got a boyfriend, right? So she’s not going to be interested anyway.”
“Yeah, well…” He shrugs. “Not all relationships are the same, but that’s not really my story to tell. Also, don’t even so much as think about getting with Christina. She’s even more off-limits than Mingmei and Joy.”
The comment about Joy’s relationship is intriguing, obviously. What does it mean that not all relationships are the same? Is she in an open relationship? Because if that’s the case, and the sex would be totally casual… Hmm. Interesting.
“Did you hear me? Don’t try anything with Chris.” He points at his eyes, and then at my face. “I’m watching you, Davis.”
I roll my eyes at him. I’m not as annoyed with him as I was with Creed last night, though. At least Khiêm is trying to explain why he doesn’t want me hooking up with anyone. Mingmei is working through a breakup, Joy has a complicated relationship or something like that, and I’m sure he’s just being protective of Christina because of her whole life imploding recently, just like mine.
“Thanks for the pep talk. I’m gonna stop by Creed’s and Liyah’s houses now, and then swing by Marcus and Gracie’s to pick up the kids. I’m taking them with me so Marcus and Gracie can get their freak on. Or take a nap. Not sure they have decided which way to go yet.”
That makes Khiêm laugh. “That’s nice of you. If you ever want to help me get my freak on with your sister, I’d be happy to dump my kids on you.”
I shudder at that thought. The idea of my sister having sex is even more disgusting than Marcus fucking Gracie. “After you just forbid me from getting my freak on with any of the single women I’ve met so far, I don’t think I’ll be doing you any favors.”
I say goodbye to the kids, and make my way to Aliyah’s place next. It takes forever for her boyfriend Manny to open the door, and he’s in nothing but sweatpants, sporting a very obvious tent.
“Ew,” I tell him, looking away immediately. “I wanted to say hi to Liyah, but I’ll do that some other time. I don’t want to interrupt whatever it is you’re doing.”
“I don’t think you want to know.” He laughs. “Why do you think we dumped Lennox on Khiêm this morning? We’re taking Thanh and Nuan tonight so Nia and Khiêm can have some privacy as well.”
What is it with all these married couples around me getting more action than I do? I always assumed getting married meant your sex life going down the drain, and I know for a fact that all of them have suffered dry spells, mostly when the women were pregnant or going through postpartum, but they all seem to bounce back eventually, getting freaky again.
“Well, you erm… go back to…” I wave my hand at his lower regions. “That. Tell Liyah I said hi.”
“Will do.” Manny shuts the door in my face, eager to get back to screwing my sister.
So. Fucking. Gross.
Lucky for me, I don’t find Creed and Zeke in a compromising position. In fact, Creed is at work, and Zeke is just about to leave to take Gemma to swimming lessons for babies. I didn’t even think that was a thing. The kid’s not even 1 yet, for crying out loud. I settle for giving Zeke a quick bro-hug, and then I’m off to Marcus’ place again. Time for my duties as a babysitter to start.