A choice

I enjoy them at the same time I loathe them. So many mixed feelings about them. My room. It might as well be a small apartment. Everything is right here. The only thing I am truly missing is a kitchen. It’s a rather big room regardless. Shawn and Jax expect me to accompany one of them for dinner. Sometimes both of them. It is sometimes hard to sit through dinner. Shawn and Jax like to...distract me. It’s hard to eat when the only thing you are thinking about is what you’d like someone to do to you. If you catch my drift. They make me feel sick in a horribly good way.

I feel so light when they are near. Then once they're gone I crash.They are my addiction. I know they are bad for me in every way yet I stay. I could walk out the front door. I suppose I am the reason I am a prisoner. They Leave me all fuzzy headed and intoxicated. I jump when they say jump. Doing anything as long as it pleases them. Humans are rather pathetic in that way. I've never seen a demon become jello when you say that you want them. Usually makes them more cocky. It's rather funny you know I never expected to be in a situation such as this.

A knock sounds at the door. I am not eager to open. Reluctantly I saunter over to the door. When I crack it open Jax is there with a goofy grin on his face. I smile at him. Jax gently invited me to dinner. While he phrases it as a question I know it's a demand. If they want me to do something I have to do it. I am their puppet. We walked to the dining hall together. Sitting in our assigned chairs. A system they introduced me to the first day. We each have our own chairs. Jax to my right Shawn across from me. That is exactly how it’s been for the several months I have been here. Shawn is there waiting. Shawn really wants me to be his and only his. Yet I cannot say I am okay with that.

After a moment food is served to Shawn, Jax and me. It looks absolutely mouth watering. The sweet aroma of fresh bread wafts to my nose. How exciting. It's been awhile since I had the pleasure of such a meal. I pick up my fork taking a bite of the chicken that is on my plate. Jax and Shawn observe me while I eat. Shawn's eyes follow my throat as I swallow. I stare at him with a sense of unease. Jax stares at me with an innocent look. That's a facade. Jax is one of the least innocent men I have met. It’s funny just how fascinating they must find me. The way I eat and even when the only thing I am doing is breathing they watch me intensely.

"How does it taste?" Shawn asks a smirk plastered to his features.

"Delicious," I responded.

"Good," Jax chimes in.

Something is off. The way they are speaking just doesn’t feel like our normal nightly conversation. I am unsure of why.Nothing seems different. it is just the way they are talking. It just seems off. Jax breaks the silence eventually.

"You are going to be with Shawn for the night," Jax smiles.

"Alright," I mumble in response.

Just once I’d like to choose who I get to sleep with. It’s my time, it should be my choice how I spend it. I suppose I do have a choice if you could even call it that. Go with whoever wants me for the night or be scolded for not listening. Or worse be made to sleep in-I shutter at the thought of ‘the room’. It’s a disgusting place.

"What was that?" Shawn asks, breaking me out of my thoughts.

Shawn knows what I said. I know he knows. He just has this set of rules for me. One of them is to speak clearly and confidently. Evidently I don't feel very confident under their watchful eyes. Constantly observing and criticizing every move I make. I'm aware of what they want. I am drawn back to reality by Shawn impatiently tapping his fingers. His long nails click every time they hit the hardwood. I take a deep breath.

“Alright," I repeat.

Truthfully I hate repeating myself. I used to have to do it so much that I grew to hate it. The way it makes me feel like I messed up when it was the other person who didn’t catch what I said. It was never my fault. Perhaps it was my fault at one point.

"Now was that so hard?" Shawn chuckles.

I went back to eating. Or rather picking at my food. Already I have lost my appetite. That isn’t an uncommon occurrence at this dinner table. If it’s not Shawn it’s Jax; however I have to push through maybe even force myself to eat. Jax stares at me impatiently. I know. I need to clear my plate to keep myself healthy. Jax and Shawn want me alive after all. I am suddenly unable to bring myself to eat. I nibble on the warm slice of bread. Before pushing my plate away. Not out of disgust but rather because I feel nauseous. Jax still has his watchful gaze on me. Shawn staring at me in that mocking way makes me wish I could melt. I’d rather be anywhere else.

" If you don't like what's on your plate I'm sure I can find something else to fill you with," Shawn remarks.

My eyes shoot up. Locking with his rose quartz-esk eyes. I am unable to move. His eyes peered into the very far reaches of my soul. What am I to do? I cannot continue sitting here like a fool. A particular phrase comes to mind in this instance,’I am only a fool for you’. I truly am only a fool for them. No one can make me feel so small and pathetic. While making me seem like the center of the universe. Jax clears his throat drawing both our eyes.

"Well I'm off to my room," Jax states clearly uncomfortable with the situation unfolding in front of him.

Jax stands exiting the room. Shawn snaps his fingers drawing my eyes back to him instead of the now empty chair. The way he snaps reminds me of when you try to get your dog's attention. I stare intently at him. Shawn's demeanor is that of a predator staring down his prey. I shakily inhale. Shawn smirks in amusement. Of course he's getting sick joy from this. He knows he has complete power over me. Shawn knows the only thing I can do is listen. Rather he knows the only thing I will do is listen. He knows exactly how to get me on my knees.

"Are you going to eat, Doll?” Shawn's voice is stern.

Shawn knows what he wants and he believes he knows how to get it. I go to speak but no words come out. It's a simple answer. No sir. However I am aware he will not like this response. He wants a ‘yes sir’, and nothing else. Shawn will not be satisfied with any other answer. Yet if I say anything else I'd be lying. I’d rather not lie to him. I am unsure of what he’d do to me if I did. Maybe it makes me a coward for not pushing against them more or perhaps it is smarter. Who knows? Certainly not me.

"Answer me," Shawn growls.

"No, Sir," I say.

The expression on his face makes my blood run cold. His eyes darken in a way I have never seen before. In this instance maybe I should have lied. Then I wouldn’t have such a cold gaze directed at me. I try to will my body to move yet I am still. A statue. I am frozen in place like a statue. I want to do something, anything. Hell I’d settle for just being able to speak. My mind is fuzzy and I cannot focus on anything except Shawns gaze.

"Do I have to force it down your throat," Shawn spits.

I choke on air. That statement can be taken multiple ways. My face flushes. Shawn tilts his head, smirking in amusement. He knows what I am thinking. He reads me like a book. A book with torn and tattered pages. One you have to have studied for a long time. Shawn and Jax have had me here for months. They’ve certainly had that time to study me.

"I am certain you’d like something shoved down your throat. Dessert comes after dinner," Shawn remarks.

"Sir, I-" I shut my mouth. At that moment words failed me.

"If you want dessert first you must eat dinner,"Shawn states again firmly.

I nodded. I quickly begin shoveling food into my mouth. Not how a proper gentleman eats at all. Though I suppose nothing about this is propper. The way we acted just then was quite lewd. While yes it's true I'd love to let him abuse my mouth. It's not the proper time or place to be discussing such matters. I'd rather have my mother show baby pictures than to have others hear me discuss what I'd like done to me. I finish my plate. My stomach successfully stuffed. I bury my face in my hands. Shawn hasn't touched a thing on his plate. Which makes sense. Whilst he enjoys human food it is not a necessity. Shawn stands and I follow. Pushing my chair in. I walk behind him. Once down the hall he opens the door to his room. I step inside, him following close behind, closing and locking the door.

"You need to wash up and if you'd like I can help," Shawn says softly.

"I believe I've got it. Just one thing, towel?" I ask.

" I will bring one in along with clothes," He says.

"Alright," I reply.

I am off to the showers. Shawn is right, I am a mess. Especially after dinner. The looks he gave me certainly didn't help nor did those filthy thoughts. I strip myself of my clothing. Taking off my undergarments slowly. I step into the shower. I test the water a couple times till I get it right. Soon enough the hot water hits my skin. Steam quickly fills the room. I let it wetten my hair before stepping slightly away to lather my hair in shampoo. I gently scrub my scalp. Shawn's shampoo. He always smells nice. Like Lilies or mixed berry pastry. I think the second one is his body wash. After lathering my hair in shampoo I let it sit for a moment then rinse it. Once all the shampoo is out it's time for body wash. I picked it up. Smelling it quickly. It smells just like him. A smile creeps its way onto my face.

"My prince, are you about done?" Shawn's voice rings through my ears.

Startled, I dropped the bottle on the floor. Upon impact the bottle made a loud thud. I scrambled to pick it up. I pour some into my hand and set the bottle down. I run my hands across my body. Till I feel I am sufficiently covered. Soon I rinse myself off. When I turn to call for Shawn to bring me a towel. There he is standing. Staring at me. I stare back at him. My heart feels as though it's going to beat out of my chest. How long has he been there? A heat rises to my cheeks. Please tell me he hasn’t been there the entire time. No, he could have seen me smell his body wash.

"Such a handsome boy," Shawn says.

"Can I have my towel and clothes please?" I ask.

Shawn nods. Handing me the towel. Soft smooth fabric brushing against my skin as I dry off. Shawn isn't a bad guy. He is much more patient than mortal men. By now most of them would have just taken what they wanted. Whatever that may be. Soon I am hanging up my towel and sliding into the pajamas Shawn has given me. They are soft against my skin. Shawn clears his throat drawing my eyes to him.

"Let's go," Shawn says.

I nod following him to bed. Shawn sits in the center of the bed. I sit on the edge of the bed. Shawn observes my movements. I study him. The way his horns seem so defined under the dim light. His sharp features are rather attractive. My eyes are drawn to the dark horns.

"Do you want to touch them?" Shawn asks.

"Can I?" I ask in response.

"Yes," Shawn says.

I crawl over to him. Once I am close enough I reach for Shawn's horns. He grabs me, dragging me into his lap. I squeak in surprise. Shawn chuckles.

"Now you can reach better," Shawn states.

I reach up, gently touching Shawn's horns. Shawn grunts softly. Glancing down I notice his face. He appears to be blushing and biting his lips. His fangs glint in the dark light. When I rub his horns he makes another noise. It sounds like he enjoys this more than just the typical I like being touched. Does he get aroused by his horns being touched? That’s rather cute.

"Alright that's enough," Shawn says.

"Don't you like it?" I ask.

"Yes," Shawn says.

"Then why do you want me to stop?" I push.

" Liam. I said that's enough," Shawn's voice is firm.

I stop pushing and remove my hands from his horns. I am not here to push his buttons. Shawn puts a finger under my chin, lifting my face. My face flushes. Shawn's face is mere half an inch away from mine. I inhale sharply.

"Can I kiss you?" Shawn asks.

"Yes," I replied.

Before Shawn connects our lips, a knock sounds at the door. Shawn groans, setting me on the bed and getting up. I watch as he walks to the door. I look away. My mind races with thoughts of what might have happened if someone hadn't knocked on the door. I wish we were able to have had that intimate moment. Perhaps then I'd be swayed to choose him. I will never know.

Soon Shawn climbs back into bed next to me. I smile softly at him. In return he grimaces. The intimacy is no more. That moment had passed. He lies down and so do I. We do not speak to one another for the rest of the night. I wonder if I am the one to blame. Perhaps if I was more open Shawn would like me more. I just want him to like me. I want him to genuinely feel for me. I don’t want it to be empty and meaningless. Perhaps one day it will be but for now I just have to wait. I lie awake staring at the canopy above. It’s magenta color really fit Shawn’s whole sex demon theme. I do appreciate how much one man can come to embrace what he has become. I suppose he could have been born that way. Though I am guessing not. Shawn has never behaved how other ‘normal’ demons have. He is too..human.