‘Turns out you are the only person that has the keys to your own success the only that has your back its crazy how you find yourself in situation’s you never imagined I always dreamt of marrying the man I love basically a fairy-tale I never knew could ever parish in a blink of an eye. But I refuse to give up giving up is never an option I won’t rest till I get what’s mine I’m coming for what’s mine every bit of it.’
One thing I have learnt in life is don’t blame yourself for things that are beyond your control don’t let toxic people destroy your peace forgive yourself let go of hatred it destroys you more than anyone else. Never compare yourself to anyone that’s unnecessary pressure build yourself invest in yourself because at the end of the day you only have your back. Most importantly love yourself there’s no one who could endure half of the things you have been through.
The wife of a hustler.
“GOOD GIRL GONE BAD.”
Look it hasn’t been easy but I wouldn’t change the life I have for the world it’s been a hard journey I had to fight for what I have. Hoes trying to break us up tears heartbreaks look in a nutshell I had to fight for that idiot and if I had to I would do it all over again I go by the name of Mbalenhle Khoza here’s my journey.
I’m not your typical Kasi girl nor am I from a well of family but I would be lying if I said my Granny never pulled through because she did. I would say I had always been that girl that enjoyed the Kasi lifestyle my obsession with i325 is on another tip. The total opposite from my granny “Church,” that’s her second home and always tried to convince me otherwise about iKasi but I wanted to feel it taste it firsthand that’s how I met the love of my life Ezile we met through a mutual friend during the year 2015.
My grannies society members always hired him when they had to go to the city of gold Johannesburg I always imagined it to be this luxuries place. Where everyone drove expensive cars and ate divine food, don’t get it wrong it’s not that I’m looking down on my community but there has to be a better life than this. I refuse to end up being stuck in a loveless marriage so a man can provide for me I can’t and I won’t let that happen. Seeing my mom get sick like that in a blink of an eye taught me something to seek independency so I can build my family a home.
My granny and the society had these huge gathering 3 times a year.
Those are the good days because I get to see Ezile and we get sufficient food that will keep us going for a couple of months before starvation takes place.
So no his not the ideal man my granny expected to bring home life has been a roller-coaster for the both of us. Those trips he took wasn’t enough to sustain the both of us but he promised to come back once he got a place for us to stay in the city of gold. I know gogo won’t take the news quiet well but I have to, one day she will understand.
So today is the big day I cooked cuddled the boys to bed and gogo was fast asleep I had wrote her a note explaining to her that I’m heading for Johannesburg. I told her I would stay in touch and I would come home every December and that I loved her dearly .My tears rolled down uncontrollably when I wrote this note so there were a few tear drops on it.
I had left my bag under the bucket outside incase gogo would wake up whilst I’m was still escaping how do I explain the bag. But she was gone in her sleep I rushed outside changed my sleeping clothes slipped on my worn out jean and my oversized jacket. Ezile had promised to meet me at the bus stop at 8:00 pm.
Our shakes had illegal connections so there was now street lights. You had to trust your insist remember the steps you took during the day. In a nutshell its quiet scary at night.
So I got to the bus stop no sight of Ezile taking out my phone to call his is quiet risky. But I have now choice it’s either that or I get mugged anyway for standing in the dark alone, or I head back home which is not an option how do I explain the luggage. He better pick up if he knows what’s good for him.
Mbali: Ezile I’m at the bus stop where are you?
Ezile: Uxolo babe I thought you changed your mind I’m at the garage I’m on my way.
I saw his mini bus approaching I had butterflies in my tummy I didn’t know whether I should smile laugh or cry I’m just glad he kept his promise and finally I will be leaving this boring Eastern Cape, city of gold here I come!
Ezile: Love you really came you really here with me?
Mbali: But I told you I would and you came for me too?
Being the cry baby I am my tears came pouring down my face I hate how emotional I get sometimes it makes me look so weak. Honestly I’m not my mom cried for everything whether she was happy sad tears was her way of showing her joy so I guess that passed down to me too.
Ezile: Love you crying? Looking if you not ready I will wait for you I promise to come visit every month till I have sufficient money to pay for your lobola and do things the proper way.
Mbali: I’m not crying because I’m sad I’m crying because I’m happy I’m just glad you pulled through for me.You never thought I could ever find a person who would really save me from this place.
Ezile: Baby look I’m not finiacially stable as yet but I promise to buy you a huge house and whatever car you want but for now we have to start somewhere I will do my best to make sure you have everything you need.
The drive to Johannesburg was one long one I ask myself how he does it. Drive all night that is I love him I have never let my gut down so easy to anyone his my sanity. I just pray my love for you will be for eternity. So Soweto is nothing like I had expected there’s a lot of street venders others sleeping on the street due to drugs the total opposite from the way people explain it in the cape.
Everyone was on their own grind Ezile stand at this house the yard was very clean you could tell the landlord was very strict you could hardly find a piece of paper on the floor. We were renting a cottage at the back I can’t explain the amount that feeling of getting your own space it wasn’t make but it was everything to us at that moment he hand red rose paddles on the bed candles set up, he had to quickly switch them on because we had arrived at the same time he had at little cute wine set up with chocolate and played Tevin Campbell-dandelion he connected to his speakers.
I wasn’t used to drinking so I down my first cup I don’t know if it was the nerves because I knew what was going to happen next.
Ezile: Slow down tiger the night is still young relax I’m going to get us something to eat do you want to watch a movie or do you just want to listen to music I could run a shower for you, you can take a nap afterwards I’m sure you drained. I won’t be too long.
Mbali: Okay babe my body is a bit swore.
He gave me a soft kiss I think he could almost tell I’m nervous stupid I know but yeah I was shacking I don’t know for what reason. So I had a quick shower and slipped into his top I had never worn a thong but I wanted this moment to be special. He had gave me R700 a couple of months back for me to buy food and airtime and to get my hair done but I had saved it for this day I ran to town got my hair done it I don’t like weaves so long twists done the trick. Bought a few lace and get make up to look cute.
I dolled myself up before he came back and applied my Revlon spray I look fine if I had to say so myself. I poured another glass of wine and enjoyed my chocolates before he came back I was about hungry. The fridge was empty it had only three one liter black label and left overs a KFC. Streetwise two no wonder he doesn’t have any meet on that body he doesn’t eat proper food I doubt he even knows how to cook.
I heard the door handle cringe I knew that was him my heart was pounding. Looked so handsome his eyes were out of this world he bought hot wings ice cream and pizza, he just stood there and froze.
Mbali: Ezile what you look like you have just seen a ghost?
Ezile: Yhoo you look absolulty beautiful.
My chicks turned red again look I honestly didn’t know what to say he was quiet handsome himself.
Mbali: Thank you.
I got up to give him a long hug his arms felt so worm he felt so masculine. He grabbed me and softly laid me on the bed and gave me these soft kisses on my neck I felt my hair raise. It’s like this adrenaline had got over me I tried to hold it back it could help but scream I pleaded him stop to at not because I was it pain but this excitement or whatever it its that’s happening was beyond me.
That is how my lost the most important key to marriage in my grannies eyes. I felt bad because I knew what I did was wrong but how can something so wrong feel so right.
Ezile: What did I do to deserve you though? baby never doubt that.
Damn these tears again I tried to speak but know words were coming out all I could do at that moment was kiss him. He wiped my tears and gave me gentle kisses on my four head, he came back with a warm cloth to wipe me and warmed up wings for us to ate he played an action movie his obsession and we called it a night.
I was still in a bit of pain I woke up to a breakfast in bed I still don’t know what I did to deserve him. The love he showers me with is beyond words.
Ezile: Good morning my angel here’s some breakfast it’s not much but I left money on the drawer you can buy what we will need for now I’m leaving now Zakes called me he needs me to help him with something. Get yourself a phone I’m tired of hearing your phone going to voicemail I love you mama’s I will see you later.
Mbali: Okay I love you more baby take care of yourself.
He leaned over to give me kiss before he headed off he looked clean as always it was raining outside so he was wearing a black jean with timberlands a black pole neck and a leather jacket.
I requested to south gate mall it seemed to be a bit far from all the busy streets of the hood I just need to spoil myself get away from all the drama that has been happening. Ezile left an envelope full of money and when I called to ask how much I should spend and he told me there was no limit best believe I was ready to turn our place into a home.
I first got us nice beddings and sheets got ointments to decorate our place and got some more lace since he seemed to enjoy seeing me in them I got groceries done my nails and get Prada perfume got match my outfit as I was about to request I saw Ezile’s running to the parking lot I don’t even know how he knew I was there. He was fuming
Ezile: Mbalenhle you haven’t been here for two minutes and you all over like you grow up here. Who the hell do you know here how did you even find out about this place?!
Ezile: Mbalenhle I’m talking to you what you can’t talk anymore?
I wanted to say something but I was numb my tears came pouring down again. He grabbed the trolley from the attended and throw everything in the car I was speechless he had turned into someone else his veins were showing on the side of his head and he smoked cigarette after cigarette the whole way home.
It was a silent way home call me a cry baby but that’s not how you treat your women.
Ezile:I’m sorry baby this neighborhood is dangerous I just panicked I just snapped and you were gone for so long.
Ezile: TALK TO ME MBALENHLE LOOK I SAID IM SORRY
But that just made me fear him more the way he raised he voice the look in his eyes.
Mbali: Slow down Ezile! EZILE SAID SLOW DOWN
*I just needed a glass of wine and my pillow so I could cry all the frustration out I have never been good with word so I believe in crying it relieves a lot of my frustration *
He bang the door as he stormed out. Things were very tense that evening he took a shower alone I cooked beef stew and pap and took out a cold beer for him I watched him eat. And when he was finished I washed his plate he would even look at me.
Mbali: I’m sorry baby I just wanted to go to a place where I felt safer I know that was selfish of me of not notifying you or staying out that long.
Mbali: I love you Ezile I just wanted to make our place a home.
He was facing the other way so he slowly turn his back grabbed my butt and gave me one huge spank.
Ezile: That’s for making me worry and this is for making me wait so long.
I’m sure my next-door neighbors could hear me scream has he shaved his huge self-inside me I could tell he was angry our intimacy was different it was rough. I tried apologizing but that made him harder.
We finally called it a night at around 3 am. Thats when I saw that I never wanted to get him on his bad side I could hardly sit.
We woke up I made him breakfast and ironed his shirt.
Ezile: Zakes and his girlfriend are coming over for a braai tonight so I get drinks and meet baby you just make the salads and pap. I don’t like leaving you alone like this she’s a great person you will love her.
Mbali: Consider it done…...baby
Ezile: Yes love?
Mbali: I LOVE YOU OKAY.
Ezile:I love you more babe.
He gave a slight kiss on the lips and speed off. I cleaned our place made some salad and made pap took a quick shower. Wear my black Prada heels my red silk dress with my perfume and a bit of red lipstick I had braids so I tied them up in a bun and wore my gold teardrop earrings Ezile got me as a gift.
The evening was great Gugu and I clicked ever since. They have a great relationship a great relationship going on Zakes and Gugu that is I question myself sometimes how one would cope if they were to loose each other.
Gugu friend just has this agenda against him apparently cute guys are bad news and him having those sexual eyes doesn’t make things any better.
But I love him how does one have such an effect on you I fall in love with you like how you fall asleep slowly then all at once I love him to a point it scares me at times I’m not complaining though I just hope I never stop feeling this way his tall a bit light in complexion and has the most beautiful huge brown eyes as always has his hair cut clean and neat yes his old school like that he believes a man should always have “chiskop”.
I meant him through a mutual friend and no his not your typical church boy my granny expected.
I had always been that loud chick but deep inside I was lost I just needed to fit in you be the cool girl in the class as a result my life took a huge U-turn from what I had planned.
“Losing my key to education all in the name of fitting in.”
Time is never guaranteed so use it wisely .Most of the time we waste so much to time to try fit in or to try be loved by everyone else to try please everyone else we lose the true meaning of living the true beauty of growth it’s sad.
And me living in someone’s back room was never part of the plan many would call me stupid for leaving home, for the hood but it was different it was some hype I could not explain my granny and family tried to convince me to go back home back I could I wouldn’t I loved him to much it’s like he had me this hold over me.
We were living in a backroom in Zola anyone who knows Zola knows that a weekend doesn’t go by without someone being shot.
WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE HOME FOR THAT? Many would say but this was different I got to do my own thing without my granny and everyone else breathing down my neck.
Ezile sold drugs and hijacked cars and the one I dread the most is the heists so I always spend most of the nights praying he would make it home.
*A lot would judge but trust me there’s no person who would risk their lives for something they didn’t need we needed that paper. So no one chooses the streets the streets chooses you.*
Gugu stays a couple of blocks from where we stay well she’s the only one who talks to me apparently the people in the neighborhood think I’m a snob which is not true really I just love my space. Leaving the room isn’t safe to since Ezile hides some of his money at home and no he can’t leave it in the bank since most of it is dirty money Gugu is coming over for a sleepover tonight since Ezile will be leaving tonight.
Gugu: Girl get us some cups I brought some wine and pizza.
Mbali: Not tonight babes
Gugu: Girl please since when do you say no to wine?
Mbali: Chomii we are expecting!
Gugu: Wait so you telling me after all the tears and fears of not falling pregnant there’s a little “tsosti” in that tummy of yours?
Mbali: An entire tsosti look his dad being a hustler or not I’m going to be a mom!
Gugu: Chomii it’s not too late to runaway start over with a millionaire I will be your sidekick?
Mbali: You crazy wena kanti what did he ever do to you?
Gugu: I’m just saying chomii he is a player and you know what they say about Xhosa guys.
Mbali:He chose me thats all that matters.
Gugu: I’m just joking chomii I know how much he loves you and he knows I will kill him if he ever hurts you!
Mbali: And his scared of you right?!
Gugu: He knows I will go all Xhosa on him so did you tell him?
Mbali: Not as yet his in KZN he said he had to attend some business….
Gugu: Thixo what business?
Mbali: I would rather not know..... Njonga we need to go get some lace I want to look all sexy for him when he gets back I’m going to cook dinner he dropped off the key to his room in case he gets back late
Gugu: Say no more I got you
Mbali: Chomii its 02:00 still no call no text his phone is on voicemail!
Gugu: Chomii you said his finishing up business most probably he is rest stop stressing it’s not good for the baby.
Days turn into weeks weeks into months his family has been supportive but it’s not the same without him it’s been six months now I’m starting to show and this pregnancy has got me glowing if I have to say so myself. I had to starting selling kota’s to maintain myself and to pay the rent since his not around I haven’t left his place since incase he comes home.
Gugu:Friend I’m making dinner I cooked more than enough and I know you haven’t been eating properly lately.
Mbali: Okay friend I think it’s time I got fresh air before I lose it.
Gugu: Okay babe I will pick you up at 06:00.
‘I hardly have anything that fits me lately so I will just slip on my black leggings and my black oversized top with my all-star that’s the only comfortable thing I can wear a little bit of red lipstick to try hide how bad I really feel and I will just have my hair in a bun’
Gugu: Babe I’m running late could you please request an Uber because I doubt you will be able to drive back home tonight and you know I don’t have parking.
Mbali: Okay no problem I’m on my way.
It can’t be him or am I just hearing things?
Mbali: Babe where you I’m going to help myself with chocolate mousse in the fridge!
Mbali: What EZILE?
Ezile: Baby it’s me I missed you so much come here!
Mbali: babe I thought something happened to you, you disappeared for months no text no call do you know what I went through how I had to survive paying rent going through my pregnancy.
Ezile: Baby am I going to be a dad?
Mbali: Yes I’m six months now wanted to surprise when you got back look at you baby what have they done to you?
My tears couldn’t help but roll down my anger for him just vanished he lost so must weight and by the looks of those
Scars his been through a lot. If I knew who did it I swear I would have killed them.
So yes after all those tears prayers my man has come back home. We well off now I took all that money and deposited it to our accounts we have a truck business taxi’s which I pray he leaves because there’s always shootings in the taxi rank the pub and a huge family business.
Which steals my time with my husband but I wouldn’t have it any other way because at least now its clean no cops no drugs no heists. We got married a few weeks before Thabang was born the venue was absolutely beautiful.
We had the wedding on the beach in Cape Town the ambiance was out of this universe what a boll we had.
Ezile has been acting strange lately and I would be damned if some hoe tries to break what I have so I hired a private investigator to follow him.
After all the sacrifice the tears hard work and determination then some low life big ball of waste this shapeless motherfucker thinks she can break what took me years to build then she can think again.
Mbali: So I got the photos of him and her this cheap ass hoe has had him over at her place a couple of times.
Gugu: She’s been sleeping with wrong woman’s husband get dressed I’m coming over.
So he done me so low after all the sacrifice he wants to cheat on me clearly he has no idea with who he is dealing with.
*So we had made means of getting this woman’s number and it was easy really the thirsty bitch believed there was some business proposal and we would meet at mall of the south and she agreed.*
Gugu: Friend is that it?
Mbali: Where babe?
Gugu: That shapeless cow coming out that black Ford?
Mbali: Haaaaaa he can’t do that to me that dwarf?!
Look it was her the confidence she had I just has flash backs of her sticking her tongue down my man throat
Gugu: Friend let’s go.
Mbali: I’m not sure if I can do this.
Gugu: Don’t worry babe I will do the talking.
We confronted her but the cheek she had she told me she will leave when she wanted to I never believed in witchcraft till that day Ezile and I would fight everyday he moved out. I starting experiencing bad dreams she would rub it in face drive my husband car he changed he had this look in his eyes that I hadn’t seen before.
Mbali: Friend I have tried everything church family friends it’s clear my marriage is over.
Gugu: I think it’s best just for yours and your child’s sanity.
As heartbreaking as it was that was true and there was no saving this marriage because it seemed like I was the only one trying.
The pain of thinking of all those years leaving home sacrificing everything waiting for him bearing his first seed damn I could never explain how long it took for it for me to come to terms there was no us anymore and he is not coming back.
Having to move back home and hearing my granny saying I told you that he was a worthless spineless coward I just don’t have that energy of everyone laughing and me because my marriage failed.
I’m just going to use this opportunity to build myself again regain my strength and sallow my pride. I hate how emotional I get sometimes I have been trying to pull myself together I can’t explain the amount of pain I’m enduring at this point flashbacks of our happy moment jamming to our favorite music and you singing to Thabang when he was in my womb those tiny kicks he gave. Your smile the look on your face when you rushed me the hospital the love you gave the care you showered made those labor pains go numb for a while
Because that too last for a short moment because she too didn’t want to live in this cruel world mommy never even got the opportunity to see those beautiful eyes open. You were so peaceful so beautiful so still so quiet you looked exactly like your dad.
I don’t know what hurt more knowing what everyone said about you was true or is the true reason the real reason why these tears are rolling down, you didn’t even fight for us you heartless bustard I spend so many years investing in something you knew you had no intensions of keeping.
It’s okay though I forgive you not because you deserve it but I owe it to myself to let go of all of the hatred I had towards you.
I believe I had to endure that because if I didn’t I might have given in into peer pressure. Yes one way or another but he protected from a lot of things and insisted I went back to school. So it’s high time I snapped out of whatever it was I was going through.
Life has a funny way of playing out we normalize being placed in situations where by we feel like you are drowning in the roller-coaster of emotions one moment you happy. Lord you can’t explain the amount you happiness the universe you giving you it’s this hype no one could ever explain unless you are actually experiencing it.
THEN THERES THE DOWN HILL………..
Mostly wouldn’t be able to endure the pressure most would throw in the towel and give in most cases would give in to drugs. Many would be able to sit back and judge but deep inside they would be fighting their own demons, others would give in to prostitution because they want to keep up with certain trends. “BUT I VOWED TO MYSELF THAT COULD NEVER BE ME”.