In the garage was my biggest love of all; my galaxy blue Camaro Z–28 with white racing stripes down the sides. When I first saw her, I fell head over heels in love with that car. When Mike found out, he bought it for me as a wedding gift. If I hadn’t already said I would marry him, I would’ve right then and there! He told me that he was going to keep it in his name so that I didn’t have to hassle with all the tags, title, and insurance crap. I was the only one who drove her so that was fine with me.
I listened to the same radio station for years: Hot 995 with Kane, Sarah, and Sammy: The Kane Show. I listened to them for so long that I knew their schedule better than they did at times. It was as if they were a part of my extended family. I laughed and cried with them, listening to what happened in their personal lives. I knew every member of each of their families. I cried with them. I laughed with them. I even fell in love with them and I never met them!
It was almost time for my favorite weekly series: Roses.
Roses was where people emailed Kane and explained how they thought their spouse, or better half, was cheating. After calling and talking to the emailer, Kane then called the possible cheater, offering them a dozen free roses to see who they would give them to. If they gave it to the right person, they weren’t cheating. If they gave it to someone else, they were. They rarely gave them to the right person. It was an odd way to determine if someone was faithful, but it worked.
At one point, they decided flowers weren’t enough. Some of the people mentioned sending the flowers to a few people and that was when they created the imaginary STD clinic to catch serial cheaters in the act.
We need to know the last ten people you’ve slept with.
Believe it or not, way too many people failed that test, too. They spouted out more names than Santa’s good list which gets smaller each year! It was funny when a few of the people assumed they were boyfriend/girlfriend from one date.
“What the hell are you talking about? I’m not your boyfriend. We only went out once!”
Can someone say, clingy psycho?
I pulled up to Tania’s just as they were getting ready to start. Usually, at this point, I was at work, kicked back with a cup of coffee, enjoying what was about to happen. It was cruel to laugh at someone else’s misfortune. They just found out that his or her better half was cheating and it flipped their world upside down, yet the rest of us found it oddly humorous. It was like a train wreck. You didn’t want to see the gore, but you had to watch it happen.
We have all seen those bow-chick-a-bow-wow movies that take place at the beach. You see the sand. There is a gentle ripple upon the waves as if standing at attention. It crests against the rocks with a gentle shushing sound. People everywhere are playing in the water, splashing each other, ignoring how there are a dozen or so sharks swimming underneath them. Then it happens! Everyone stops what they are doing and turns, looking in one direction, as if acting as a single entity.
There she is! You see her! A beautiful girl with a perfect hourglass figure. Her long, blonde hair flows halfway down her back. She runs on the beach and nothing jiggles that shouldn’t. She is absolutely gorgeous and turns everyone’s attention her way.
Women hate her and men want to meet her.
The sun shines down on her like an angel out for her morning run. There’s a slight breeze just blowing her hair perfectly. Everything about her screams how beautiful she is. Even when she trips and hits the sand in a doggy style position, she still manages to look beautiful. Not too graceful, but gorgeous all the same.
That was Tania.
Only she wasn’t on the beach, scantily clad. She raced out of her apartment building with a cup of coffee in hand. Her blonde hair feathered evenly in layers away from her Barbie–like face. She wore a white skirt suit that seemed to amplify all her curves. If anyone else wore that, they would look horrendous, but not her. She was very beautiful, but she knew it. I could never compete with my sister in the looks department.
I was overweight most of my childhood and suffered for it. That was something I never got out of my head. The words drilled there, for the rest of my life, like a scar on my skin.