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In Love with the idea of Love

By Elise Faith All Rights Reserved ©

Romance / Drama


It would be a lie to say I did not love him. Although, to say I loved him would be an understatement. I worshiped him. I worshiped him with every fiber of my feeble body. I did not want to fall in love. He did not love me. Now I see that. That is ok. I am alright. He was beautiful and strong and simple. He was a common denominator in a time of change and strife. He changed me. He ruined me for the better. From the moment I saw him he was everything I wanted. I needed him. I craved him. His smell, his touch, all of him. I wanted to take all of him and give all of myself to him. I suppose in the end I did. Although, I did not know it at the time but the moment my eyes met his, I gave my soul away. How could I have been so blind?

He hurt me so badly I don’t sleep anymore, but when I finally do I wake up screaming in pain. I cry from nightmares of him literally ripping my heart out of my bare chest.

I torture myself by looking for him in everything I see, but he’s never there. Every second I don’t see him a little bit more disappointment creeps into my heart. A little bit more regret. A little bit more sadness. It got so bad that everyday, by the time the sun hit the trees in the early evening; when he would hold me close and tell me I was beautiful; it got so bad that once the sun hit the trees in the early evening I was completely broken. I would lay in bed sobbing and replaying everything in my head. From the moment our eyes first met, to the last time he kissed me goodbye. Every time I do it makes less and less sense. I gave him everything I had and more. Perhaps it simply wasn’t enough. In my mind I did it all right. I thought we had something special and electric. Now… I wonder if it was all just one great big lie to him. A game. A game he could not lose because he could control all of the pieces, including my own. I remember I would stare at his perfect face trying to remember the details like it was the last time I was going to see it. The last time he kissed me goodbye I was doing just that.

I can’t trust anyone anymore you see. I will never make a pact with anyone again. I will never accept or make a promise with anyone again. Especially not fucking pinky promises. Maybe it’s foolish. Maybe I am naive because it has affected me so. But that has always been the worst part. The part that haunts me the most. The moment that is on a constant loop in my brain. That moment when he looked at me with his perfectly cold blue eyes and so foolishly held out his pinky finger and said,

“I chose you. I promise you, I’m not going to disappear this time.”

Then that’s what he did. He left me. He left me broken and yearning for his return. Yearning for him. This broke me more than any worldly weapon ever could. Not only because deep in my heart I knew it was too good to be true, but because at that very moment I realized how much I really, truly, loved him. Now I hate myself for it… Because I still love him, and I fear I always will.

It’s a viscous cycle you see. Perhaps he was just a damaged person, but he should have known that his actions would only lead to more suffering. And now he has created more damaged people. He broke my mind, heart, body and soul in his selfish path. The worst part is, I would give anything to live it all over again. Just to have one last kiss. To have him say my name one last time. To feel the brush of his lips against my torso one last time. This, this I would kill for.

I think about all of this everyday. In doing so I break myself down again and again. My mind is the real enemy, it gets the best of me. It suffocates me. But I know without the memory of him I would not want to breathe at all. Now there’s nothing but a black hole where my heart used to be, that I so foolishly gave to him.

Before I continue, I must warn you; This is not a love story. This story is not a fairytale. This story does not have a happy ending. This story is mine. It is horrid, heartbreaking, wonderful, and beautiful all at the same time. It is a whirlwind of emotions, cursing, abuse, sex and the coming of age. This story is about a whore and a liar, brokenness and deceit. This story is full of lust, hate, and tears. This story is raw and pure. It is ok if you do not want to continue this story, if that is the case I suggest you leave now. Save yourself the tears and the angst. But, if you like me understand these occurrences and emotions and wish to see how someone so broken may seek resolution, please continue.

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Beulah Serah: Loved it! It was a great story and a great read!

gabita123mb: This story kept me up all night and the plot was great. I love how the author keep going with the story even though she was not interested in writing it anymore, but you may think "so as she didn't want to continue with it, it might be bad" Nooo is the complete opposite is such a beautiful book a...

marielm05: Despite the controversy and the taboo in which the plot finds it bases, I can only describe this as sensuous romance filled with chaos and misunderstandings ; a story that makes it readers question the limitations of love.

Bry: I can't say anything else to this book. First few sentence of the summary and I'm already in love! If you're the kind that loves Supernatural shits like I do, consider reading this book! To Wolf101, keep it up!

TheUnquietMind: It was a good erotica. But it has a cliché plot.Good writing thou! ❤️

victoria7n: I read both the sequel and prequel today and wow! Can’t wait for more!

Kailey Floyd: Great book though. you never knew 100% what to expect. Grammar was a bit spotty, but can be fixed with a friend to proof read or author proof read. Great book. I'm awaiting book two.

zainabazeemi58: This book is the best.The plot was really good and the characters were also greatly made.This is the best werewolf story I have read so far

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weirdo cipriano: Another job well done! It's short but satisfying at the same time :>

aishaarizaria23: I totally loved it! I wish there were more obstacles along the way and more details but all in all, I enjoyed reading this book!

Brittani Nicole Case: Your summary of the story is what got me to read it. You have a way with words and with humor. I didn't really see the strong-willed version of Cordelia. When I think of a strong-willed female character the very first one to pop in my head is Buffy Sommers (There is no stronger-willed female than...

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