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Trying to Get Over Alice

Chapter 31: Trying to Get Over Alice

It was hard getting over Alice. She was like a nightmare, but one of those nightmares that were somewhat inviting like you enjoyed being haunted by them. But I knew that Rachel was right and that I needed to start channelling my life rather than letting some other force take control of it. So the first thing I decided to do was choose my own music. I didn’t care if suddenly iTunes revealed some other truth to me with the next song, but I wanted to pick the first song.

I had been at Gabby’s with Greg and had heard this song that had something to do with being human again. I thought it was perfect so when I got home that night, I downloaded Kodaline’s album Coming Up for Air. And once it was downloaded, I played “Human Again”.

I lay on my bed as the song resonated from my speakers. This was the perfect getting-over-Alice-song. Soon, I was singing the chorus. “I got a pain in my heart and a pain in my chest, I wanna be human again. I got a pain in my head, and I’m losing my breath, I wanna be human again. Human again, human again, human again, I wanna be human again.”

I rocked out to the song until it was over, bobbing my head up and down like a bobblehead. What played next? “Fortune Teller” by Maroon 5. And then I knew Alice didn’t like this idea of me getting over her. It was like a ghost, but a ghost that seemed incredibly real. “Fortune Teller” was her way of telling me that I was ruining what we had by moving on from her. I really couldn’t get away from her. I was Nick. Nick Dunne trapped in Amy Dunne’s schemes, Amy Dunne’s disgusting schemes.

So what was I going to do? I had to accept Alice. There was no other way. I closed my MacBook and decided to take another walk around Toronto. My parents weren’t home for another few hours and Kaylee wouldn’t be home until around four so I grabbed my green coat but before I locked the door, I knew I needed some music for the journey. I chose “True Love” by Coldplay to begin my playlist and then clicked “Create Genius Playlist” before uploading the selection of songs to my iPod.

Outside, I played the first song. As “True Love” played, I began to feel extremely alone. The song was a bit incorrect though. Alice did love me. If she didn’t, she wouldn’t send me on this journey.

As I wandered down the street, I had no idea where I was going to go this time. If there had been a subway stop titled “Alice”, I would’ve gone there but there wasn’t. Not even a street. At least no street I knew of. So I walked up Yonge Street. And I planned to walk as far south as I could before the music stopped. After that, I had no idea what I would do.

Red cars followed me on my journey, but that wasn’t new. Then I arrived at Erskine Avenue and I was reading into street signs. Erskine. Her skin. Alice hadn’t exactly led me to this street even with her red car circus, but there was a piece of paper taped to the street sign pole so obviously someone wanted me to come here.

I pulled off the piece of paper and read the next note.

Go to Wood Street.

Wood Street? Where the hell is Wood Street? But it didn’t matter; I knew I’d find it. I kept walking towards Eglinton Avenue while “One” by Ed Sheeran played.

If you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m a hopeless romantic. Why the hell do you think I have so many damn love songs on my iPod? Yep. Still do. Hopeless romantics don’t change. Anyway, as I was going through my psycho-love phase, I read this quote by Ed Sheeran off Instagram: “Granny Sheeran told me when I’m looking for a partner to fall in love with their eyes ’cause eyes are the only things that don’t age, so if you fall in love with their eyes you’ll be in love forever.” It was a nice quote and it’s possibly why I came up with the whole eye fantasy for Grimsby in the first place.

“You are the only one,” Ed Sheeran sang in my ear. Then the song ended and “Overjoyed” by Bastille played. Maybe Alice was overjoyed that I was still travelling in her crazy journey. And that’s when I figured it out: the voices in my head that were female were Alice and the voices that were male were I. Except for the times when the sexes were reversed like recently. “Overjoyed” was being sung by Alice just like “Fortune Teller” had been.

So as I ran to the beat of Bastille’s drums, I hoped I would find Wood Street. Yes, that too.

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