After Orientation, Joe and I got settled in our Abbot dorm but were soon leaving when we discovered we had a floor meeting. There was a white piece of paper taped to our door with the details. The meeting began at two P.M. in the lounge and it was already one-fifty. Once Joe had closed the door and had locked it with his key, we headed to the lounge that was just around the corner from our room.
“Hello everyone,” said a tall blonde man with gold wire rimmed glasses who was standing in front of the black plasma television. “My name is Jake and I am one of your R.A.’s on this floor. The girl beside me is named Samantha.” The girl beside him who was the exact same height as Jake with purple glasses smiled. “We are having this meeting because we both want to learn each of your names and so does Samantha.”
So I have geeks as R.A.s, I thought. This should be interesting.
As Jake spoke about the history of U.O.K. and how we were in the oldest dorm, Joe nudged me in the left shoulder. “You see that girl over there?” he whispered to me. He jerked his head to my right where there was a brunette lit up by the glow of her iPhone. “I’m gonna fuck her.”
I nodded as if Joe had just told me what kind of breakfast he was going to have tomorrow. The girl looked up at us and I noticed that she had very bright blue eyes. She smiled at us and then went back to her phone. I smiled back, but then Joe punched my left arm. A bit irritated, I turned to him.
“Don’t you fucking smile at my girl.”
“She’s not yours yet,” I corrected him.
“Listen, smartass, I called dibs.”
“Dibs?! She’s not an object.”
“Yeah she is. She’s an object with legs, boobs, and a nice ass.”
But before I could retort, Jake looked in our direction. “You two!” he pointed to Joe and I. “Is there something you would like to tell the group?”
He sounded like a very stuck-up high school teacher. You know, one of those guys that probably had his underwear shoved so far up his ass that he couldn’t help but be irritated by everything around him. Like two high school students, we shook our heads embarrassed.
“Lucky for you, I was already done. So, maybe we should start with introductions. Just state your name and where you’re originally from. I think you should go first.” Jake pointed at Joe and Joe pointed to himself to confirm that Jake had been pointing at him. “Me?” Joe said.
“Yes, you,” Jake said a bit frustrated. “What’s your name?”
“And where are you from, Joe?”
“That rhymes.” Some people in the lounge started laughing. Joe gave Jake a sarcastic smile. Even Jake chuckled a little. “And who’s your friend?”
“I’m Art,” I said.
“And where are you from? Seriously, am I going to have to ask this question every time? How hard is it to state your name and where you’re originally from?”
Jake was really becoming a prat.
“I’m Art and I’m also from Toronto.”
“Good,” said Jake sounding relieved. I could tell that Joe and I had already become enemies of the R.A.s. “And what about the girl next to you?”
I didn’t really hear anyone else’s name, as the only name I wanted to learn was the girl with the sparkly eyes. Joe was also looking at her as everyone in the lounge introduced their name and said where they were originally from. One girl said she was from Kelowna and I heard Jake go, “No shit!”
I wondered if Samantha was clinically mute, because she hadn’t spoken one word since we had been standing there. But I didn’t really care about Samantha’s condition and almost missed Sparkly Eyes say her name.
“I’m Alice Sterling and I’m from Peachland, British Columbia.”
Jake whistled. This guy was beginning to sound like a creep. “Damn. I hear they have good peaches there.”
I wasn’t sure if he honestly meant it or if that was some sexual reference.
“Their peaches are good,” Samantha confirmed. “I have a cousin who lives there.”
Alice just smiled and that proved Samantha’s point. Joe was grinning and before the guy next to Alice could speak, he spoke out. “Yeah, they’re the freshest in the country.” And then he winked at Alice. Alice blushed and I realized I had lost before I had really begun.