Chapter 1: True Friends Lie Underneath Those Witty Words I Don't Believe
A few minutes later, we’re all set up and we’ve got 10 seconds to get comfortable before we start recording. I take out my phone and look at the random tweets - what the hell? Anyone could ask anything, and these are the questions they choose? Jeez, our fans are really immature. I still love them though.
“Hey!” Keelee squeals, elbowing me. I suddenly realize that we’re filming and there’s been about five seconds of extremely awkward silence.
Wow, great job Skylar.
I say, “Hey Evildoers! It’s Vlogging Tuesday here on the AE Tour of Awesome and today the whole band and I will be doing a Q&A hosted by yours truly.”
Kyle nods and adds, “We’ve asked you all to comment questions on Skye’s recent tweet, and you guys really went crazy. Like, wow. I didn’t know you had so many questions. Or that you were so interested in Skylar’s love life.”
I cringe. “I don’t have a love life, Kyle. Remember? I’m a fringle.”
Patrick asks, “What the hell is a fringle?”
I reply simply with a hint of sarcasm, “Forever single.”
Keelee grins, “And alas this, Skylar, is one of the few similarities we have. We make up words like fringle.”
I shout, “Liar! You’re not creative enough to make up words! What words have you ever made up?”
She clumsily sputters “Uhm! I made up the word loser, to describe you.”
“That was bad and untrue, Keelee. You are such an embarrassing human. How are we related again?”
Keelee explains, “Well, mom and dad got married and loved each other so they had coidus and out popped me, and they really liked coidus so then out popped you!”
“Gross,” I mutter. “Thanks for that disgusting image.”
“Sorry not sorry, you asked,” shrugs Keelee.
I redirect, “Not that this conversation isn’t interesting, but we’ve got to move on. Okay! So the first question is to Kyle from AEAEAE_YAYY and she wants to know if you sleep naked or if you have pajamas/boxers?”
Kyle replies, in a mock reporter voice, “Well, AEAEAE_YAYY, I do in fact sleep naked, I find it freeing and comfortable.”
I cry, “That’s gross! How do you sleep with everything flying around?”
He shrugs, “I like to be loose! Just cause you sleep in footies doesn’t mean I have to!”
I protest, “I do not wear footies! You know I’m half claustrophobic and there’s no way I’d do that!”
Kyle giggles and commands, “Just read the next question!”
I nod and read, “Kiley34_Evildoer asks Patrick: What’s your favorite dessert?”
Patrick answers, ”Uhmm...I’d have to say strawberry ice cream.”
Keelee laughs, “I’m dating a weirdo. Who the hell likes strawberry ice cream?”
Kyle shakes his head, “That shit is gross.”
Patrick defends, “It’s an acquired taste!”
“An acquired taste my ass! The acquired taste of a four-year old!” I say incredulously.
Patrick says, with fake sadness laced in his tone, “I feel very attacked right now!”
“Let’s just move on,” Keelee giggles. “It’s my turn!”
I say, “Alright, from 99Marco99, he asks Keelee: if you had to dye your hair one color for the rest of your life, what would it be?”
Keelee smirks and then shouts, “PURPLE!”
Patrick wrinkles his nose, “Purple?”
I say, “I fully support that decision.”
“Me, too, actually,” Kyle nods, pointing to his reverse-skunk hair, since he dyes it constantly, and continues, “We should match one time.”
I read, “Okay, Evildoers_Are_TheBomb asks me: What does your dream girl look like? Damn, all of your questions for me are about my love life.”
Keelee interjects, “For your information, Skylar does not believe in love.”
I lean my head back and think for moment and say, “Hmm, I’d think she’d be dressed in black jeans, a white tee, probably black converse. Blue hair, and blue eyes, and she’d be Japanese because I have a thing for Japanese people.”
“Very specific,” Kyle remarks.
Patrick leans back and drapes his arm around Keelee, and says, “My dream girl is sitting next to me.”
Keelee squeals, “Awwww! Baby! You’re the Augustus Waters to my Hazel Grace Lancaster!”
I try to seem disgusted, but anyone and anything that makes Keelee happy can’t disgust me. But that doesn’t stop Kyle.
Kyle overeggateratingly screams, “Get a room!”
I move on with, “Okay, Kyle, this is from KyleLover82 and she wants to know if you’ll marry her?”
Kyle shrugs, “Sure.”
I tease, “Wow, jumping into bed with any random girl. Classy, Kyle, classy.”
“Hey, she asked me to marry her, not get in bed with her!”
I look down at my phone to see she’s replied, since this is live, and she says, ‘Will you do that too?’.
We all start bursting out laughing and Kyle says, “I draw the line in the sand there, I am a celibate husband. As the Lord is my witness...Nah I’ll cut the crap. Yes, let’s bang.”
Keelee rolls her eyes, “Man whore.”
Even though Keelee’s my blood sister, she and Kyle have always had that playful kind of banter going on.
I stop the conversation and interrupt, “Okay, for Patrick, from ISHIP_KEETRICK_TOOHARD: When did you realize you loved Keelee?”
Patrick smiles, “Well, I remember I was just a random guy, you know, and I was with a bunch of friends, and they were all drunk as hell, but I was stuck being the designated driver. And Keelee was at the same party, since we went to college together before we dropped out, and I remember walking up to her and I said the cheesiest pickup line ever... ‘Do you have a phone cause I need to call God and tell him one of his Angels is missing’ and I knew I was gonna love her when she handed me her phone and said, ‘His number is 666-666-6666.’ And you know, I laughed and I got her number instead and the night ended with us making out on some guy’s couch. The rest is history.”
“What a classy ending,” snorts Kyle.
I detected a hint of jealously in Kyle’s tone, but I’m sure only I picked up on it. I roll my eyes, but I see a bit of jealousy flicker in his eyes again when Keelee leans in for a kiss. I close my eyes and then open them and say, to get out of this awkward spot, “Okay, Keelee your question is from MagicMike33: When did you lose your virginity? Really guys? Really? Nobody has respect for the brother sitting here?”
Keelee laughs, “Don’t listen then, Skylar. Um, anyways, I lost it when I was seventeen…”
I scream, horrified, “That’s what you meant when you said your room was occupied! I wanted you to help me with my driving hours and your room was locked and I knocked and you yelled ‘occupied’! Oh my God!”
Keelee giggles and I say, “It better have not been to Dylan…”
She blushes and I scream, “No! He was my best friend!”
She shrugs and I gasp, “The betrayal! I knew he was acting funny that next day!”
I turn to the camera, “Dylan, you son of a bitch, if you’re watching know that I hate your guts. That’s all.”
I glance at Kyle, noticing he’s been uncharacteristically quiet.
I ignore this and say, “Okay, last one. It’s from AccidentalAngel: Skylar, when did you lose your virginity? Oh Lord…”
I stare at the camera for a long time and say, “I haven’t. Or I don’t know. If I have… I… I was too drunk to remember it. I was either drunk or high I really don’t remember at all. But I don’t feel like a virgin and I think it may have happened when I was eighteen but I really don’t know. For all I know, there’s a girl with a little Skylar that popped out of her stomach and I don’t know…”
Good fucking job Skylar.
But then Kyle speaks up, “I was with you. Well, not the whole time. You… I drove you to the bar and you… You ended up in some girl’s hotel room. I don’t know what happened from there.”
I say, “Oh, well, looks like I did.” That came out a lot sadder than I wanted it to. I add, trying to be a little more cheery, “Well! We had a great time in Wembley today and we’ll see you in two days, Sydney! Night, Evildoers!”
I turn the camera off and stop the live stream and look back at the band and state, “That was fun.”
Keelee sighs and looks at Pat and Kyle, “Guys, give me and Skye a minute alone?”
The two boys depart and the minute I hear the door close Keelee breaks down. She covers her eyes with her hands and sobs, “I’m such a terrible role model! I-I tried to take care of you but I failed! I failed so badly! I’m sorry!”
Great Skylar, you messed your sister up too.
I look at her for a minute and say, “No one showed you how to do it right. You’re… you’re not bad. Not terrible. I love you Keelee, okay? I do. Please don’t blame my mistakes on yourself.”
She looks up at me, mascara smearing down her face, “That girl, that night… Kyle doesn’t remember the rest. But I do. I came and got you before you did something stupid. I tucked you in, made you take some Advil, made you soup. Kyle is wrong, Skylar.”
Keelee is too good for you.
I roll my eyes and say, “It doesn’t matter to me, I really don’t care if I’m a virgin or not. I just care that that part of my life is over, and I don’t want you to feel guilty for it.”
You should get out of her life.
She bites her lip, changing the subject, “Can I ask you something?”
“Did Kyle seem a little off to you?” Shit.
I shrug and lie, “No, he seemed fine. I mean, I think he was just a little tired from the show, but nothing that bad.”
She nods, as if trying to convince herself of this, and says, “Alright.” She then wipes her eyes of tears, sniffs, and says, “Well, I just...I love you a lot Skylar and I’m so proud that you pulled yourself out of that life. I do blame myself sometimes but I’ll get over it. All that matters is that now we’re together and we’re doing something great! Despite what problems we had in the past, we made it.”
She doesn’t. She’s lying.
I smile and say, “Thanks Keelee.”
She shouts, “Alright, everyone can come out!”
The boys emerge from hiding and ask, “Are you two done hugging it out?”
I nod and say, “Well, apparently I’m a virgin so I better go buy back my purity ring.”
Everyone laughs together and it takes me a while to peel away the euphemism of the moment. It is like the real feeling of this place is like a terrible Christmas present wrapped with eight layers. Once you tear away the eight layers of beautiful, bright, cheery wrapping and feel the excitement of the present build up...It’s socks.
Or, in this case, it’s the underlying animosity between the band.
I didn’t realize this now, but Wembley was the last good day for Accidental Evils.