You ever sat back and promised yourself that you will never make the same mistakes people around you made?
You think you are so smart and you have had it all figured out. I have had it all figured out when I was 12 and then when I was 16... then of course when I was 18, but then 21 happened and before you know it 25 happened and this is when I found out, I have absolutely nothing figured out and fairy-tales are just fairy-tales.
I'm just a typical girl trying to live day by day, hoping the demons in my head wouldn't win today. Yet to know how I came here, I have to take you way back.... way way back.
A simple girl growing to see the biggest love story between her parents and the tragic stories of everyone else's so you must keep your precious heart for the one or else you will fail.
Perfect older siblings and knowing you must match everyone's expectations or else you are the rotten apple and I have lived as the rotten apple for a while not knowing where I stand.
Have you ever felt like you didn't belong?
You always feel like you need to do more, you need to be better, you must be the best because there is no other option.
I have always looked down at my friends who got their hearts broken by some stupid boys when we were teens. How could they be so stupid? It is obvious that you have to be older so you can evaluate the person better and make sure to keep your eyes open for any red flags. This is why I had the list.
It was the perfect list of my prince charming who I will spend my forever with.
1) Beautiful eyes
2) Taller than me
3) Kind and caring
5) Good listener
6) Love animals
7) Love travelling
8) His favourite show is Friends
Sound logic, right?
And of course the specifics, like how he must have medical background, but I prefer if he is a computer geek. He definitely must love music and is a good driver because how else am I going to have my midnight drives with him playing the loudest music and pretending we are rock stars? Accept the fact that I cannot cook and is open to us learning together and sucking then ordering pizza because oh well, we tried.
Yet most importantly... Someone who would never leave me. For once, someone who would stay.
Each time I meet a guy, I would go back to my list. If he doesn't match my list then he is not suitable for me. I reached a point where I didn't even know if the list was real or just an excuse so I don't have to take the risk of getting my heart broken because this was the only pain I never experienced.
I was broken and disappointed by everyone in my life. Yet knowing that prince charming will come some day and will help me forget all the pain I had went through then I will live happily ever after.
This is why it wasn't easy opening up because it meant I would have to test this theory. The theory that is keeping me from the edge of falling apart.
Then you came...