Curved in Stone
All I could think about right now was that I didn't want Wolf to feel bad or be upset with me because he hurt me and I expressed it. I know it doesn't make any sense in words, but to me it made a total sense.
Someone hurt your feelings so you express it to them so they get upset that they hurt you, so of course you will be upset for making them upset about them upsetting you.
"It's alright, Wolf. Things like this happen and let's look on the bright side, we managed to speak it through and pass it. We communicate really well together." I told him trying to make him feel better. And by communicating better meant that he shifted the blame to me and made me apologise for something I didn't even do then feeling guilty for making him feel like a bad person, but hey, we made up now and we are happy again.
"I just felt like I failed you because I never want to be the reason for your tears. I never imagined I can make you cry, Kitten. It broke me." He admitted and my eyes turned into heart shape... metaphorically of course.
"This is so sweet of you... but hey, I am a cry baby. It is not your fault. I cry easily and I am overly emotional." I said, once again trying to make him feel less guilty and shift the blame on me.
Let me take a pause here to tell you a fun fact about me. I talk shit to myself. Gosh the things I say about myself.... just awful. Yet, the things I say about myself were once said to me and my depressed and fucked up brain took it and repeated it over and over again till I began to use it to justify why others mistreat me. Watch, I will do it again now.
It's not Wolf's fault, it is mine. Any other girl will just speak up and inform her partner of how she feels. He either takes it or leave it and she either accepts that or leave as well. Yet me, instead of doing that, I chose to cause a scene and cry because I was fighting a one sided battle on my own. I should have been tougher than that and not cried. Now he was guilty and I ruined his day.
"Because you are emotional, I should take extra care of you, Kitten. You are really fragile. I will fix all your broken pieces." He said and I was speechless for a second. "Are you there?" He asked when he didn't hear a reply.
"Yeah, just listening." I said as I smiled weakly.
"What's wrong?" Wolf asked curiously.
"It's just.... people usually do that. They get close to me, I let them see my broken pieces, they promise that they will be there and it won't happen again, and then they do worse. All I am praying for is that you do mean it when you say that you will keep me safe." I told him.
I had been fighting for so long and now I just needed a warrior rest. Having Wolf in my life gave me the chance to hang my armour on the wall and retire. Now he will take care of me.
"I promise that trusting me won't be a mistake. I will prove it to you and you will see as time goes by. My grandfather taught me that a man should never break his word. He was the definition of a true gentleman and I live by his teachings to me.. God bless his soul." He said and somehow that made me trust him even more. This is a man who means what he says.
"I believe you, Wolf. You know, ever since we started this, you had been my muse for my poems. I never thought I was capable of writing such poems. I always wrote depressive poems since they derived from the pain I felt. Yet you came along and suddenly everything is rosy." I said jokingly.
"You wrote about me? Kitten, please I wanna read them. Can you please recite them for me?" He asked me.
"I don't know, Wolf. If I do, I will be crossing some lines because they are kinda romantic and we had agreed to keep it within limits till we make it official.." I said being a little bit skeptical.
"Please, Kitten. I really wanna hear what you have to say in your poems." He begged. Well, you made him go through a bad day because of your dramatic ass so the least you can do is tell him the poem you wrote.
"Alright, alright!" I said caving in. How can I say no to this amazing man?!
I thought about you today,
Just like I do every single minute of every single day,
I thought of all the things I wanted to say,
Do you feel the same way?
You know I was okay,
Keeping it at bay,
I was one step closer to give up,
Because when it comes to love I had the worst luck,
You know it's not easy to say,
I wish you knew all the words I held back that day,
Like how I was enchanted by your mind before your eyes,
You understand me when you don't even try,
Suddenly I am talking to my soul,
Suddenly I am waiting for your call,
Suddenly I want nothing at all,
So tell me what should I do?
I can't imagine ever being away from you,
So tell me what's on your mind?
Do you find this as crazy as I do?
Blew me away within two days,
Does that sound normal to you?
I wish you knew,
All the things I hid from you,
Like how badly I want to be with you,
I have never been afraid of losing anyone like I am afraid of losing you,
And babe I pray this is not a mistake,
I put my heart in your palm,
It is yours to take,
So don't make me regret,
Leaving myself open for you to do whatever you want to
"Wow... Kitten, I don't know what to say..." He said. Now it was his turn to be speechless.
"There is also another one, do you wanna hear it?" I asked him now excited since he liked this one and it made him happy.
"Another one? I feel so damn special. Hit me!" He said excitedly.
I waited for my fears to creep back again,
But they didn't,
I wanted to run for the hills,
Disappear and never look back,
Like I usually do,
But I didn't,
I wanted to screw things up,
But somehow it still worked out,
Now that makes me wonder and I ponder,
I guess the answer will always be your heart,
Somehow you know how to contain me,
Can you blame me?
I couldn't break your heart,
When you tell me you need me,
I couldn't run away,
When you say you won't leave me,
I couldn't let go,
Just so you know,
Because you say you are never ever giving up on me,
I closed my eyes and I tried,
To think of life without you,
I can't go back now,
Got me hooked up now,
Don't be another story I tell,
Now that I fell,
Don't be another name I don't wanna say,
Now that we can't be apart,
Don't be a painful memory,
Now that you are everything on my mind,
Don't be my first regret,
Now that I opened my heart.
"Kitten.... that's... I.... no one ever wrote anything for me like that..." He said and I could hear it in his voice that he felt emotional.
"That's what you get for being with a writer, Wolf. You will be forever curved in stones through my writings." I said happily. "Did you really like them? Are you sure they are good enough?" I asked him worried.
"Like them? Kitten, they are amazing." He told me. I did a little dance around before I sat back down on the couch.
"I am glad you do, Wolf...." I said smiling softly.
"I know we said we won't do this yet and we will wait, but I am sorry, Kitten.. I love you."