Falling For You

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Let me help you

The story starts as any other story where the heroine is a suicidal emotional train wreck with tons and tons of mental issues that it would take another whole story to discuss them all and that heroine is me of course. A simple girl living in her own head and liking it this way, just minding my business, innocently may I add.

And of course, the first scene would be me sobbing uncontrollably on the floor, overwhelmed with emotions, suicidal thoughts racing through my head and really considering going through with it and ending it all, but nope. I am a fighter, just hold on there a little longer. You still need to find your prince charming who you will spend your happily ever after with (Yes this is what I tell myself although I scare away every single guy who comes near me because I really don't want to test this theory because what other lie am I telling myself to stop me from spiralling down that black hole).

Take a deep breath, put the scissor down and find a suicidal line you can get in touch with. Someone who will talk you out of it. I will not let my demons win tonight. I opened the same website I volunteer on. There is a comfort and warm feeling I find when talking to strangers and pouring my heart out to them. I don't have to be the strong girl who has it all together with those ghosts online. They don't know who I am and I do not know who they are, it is a safe place.

I scrolled a bit before I settled into talking to him. Here he was, the guy I sent a "hi" to three months ago which he replied "hey" and then I ghosted him. No hard feelings, but he wasn't available and another listener was available during this time.

So how do you cry to a total stranger you ghosted three months ago? Simple.

Kitten13: Sorry for pouring this down on you like that, but I am simply down with everything. I am exhausted from everyone thinking they can take advantage of me and walking all over me assuming I would never speak up or do anything about it. I absolutely hate how they treat me.

Kitten13: I hate work, I hate my boss and I just hate everyone.

Kitten13: I hate feeling like a complete fool and as if I got tricked like a total idiot. I am exhausted and drained and I cannot handle this anymore and everyone is pressuring me and blaming me for this and it is hard, it is extremely hard to have to go through all of this alone. I am not as strong as they think I am.

There, nice and simple. He will probably never reply anyway. It had been three months and he might have stopped opening this account or even better, pay back for me ghosting him and never replying back. It feels better letting it all out though. I was about to explode if I didn't tell someone about this.

Did I mention that on top of work problems, my family decided to bring up finding the one and getting married? Because it is only natural to get married by 25 and how worried they are that I am forever single (crying in loneliness) They were going to a wedding tonight, so you can only imagine what I have to deal with. They tried to convince me to go with them, but hell no. I am not going there to deal with more people who are worried about my love life.

Also I have nothing to brag about since my work is not exactly on the best status here.

"You can still change your mind, who knows? Maybe you will find your so called prince charming there?" Mum said. No thank you.

"Yeah, I am good. I just need to sleep." I shrugged. Who on earth chooses their significant other from other people's weddings?! Like what is the criteria here? Oh she looks hot in a dress so I will make her the mother of my children. Ew. I will not stoop that low, I am not desperate enough yet.

I came in terms with the idea of never getting married, saving all my money to travel somewhere and be my own happiness or destroyer, I didn't decide on that part yet.

Just when I was deciding how many cats I was going to get, my phone buzzed with a notification and oh shit, he actually replied. Well, that was something I haven't planned on.

LoneWolf: I am sorry you feel this way and you can definitely pour your heart out any time you want. I apologise for the late reply, I have only seen your message now. I would love to help you so you wouldn't feel overwhelmed with your thoughts. Let's just go through one by one, what triggered you into feeling this way? You mentioned you hate your work and boss, would you mind telling me what the problem was? Maybe we can think together and figure out how to fix it? Consider me your mirror that you talk to.

Holy fuck

Now let me analyse that for you.

First: I fucking say the same stuff when someone reach out for me during my volunteering time.

Second: He didn't just write a haste typical reply, he was giving me time and writing detailed and long reply.

Thirdly: wolves are my favourite animal and his username got wolf in it so yay (not an important note, but it is to me)

Kitten13: Well, I am a teacher and I was told that I will be paid starting from this month, but they called me to help with interviews and stuff for almost a month now which was unpaid and then when this month started, they informed me I won't be paid still and now my family are blaming me for being fooled and how they are taking advantage of me at work and I suddenly felt like I am stupid and anyone can walk all over me.

LoneWolf: Just take a deep breath and let me help you. We will figure this out together :)

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