I’m alone. Tears pilot down my olive skin, my long dark hair in a mess. I am the mess without him, and the simple thought of him gone hurts my lonely soul. My stomach begins to hurt, my eyes weighing heavily down, and soon the end will come. At one point of his life, I was his dream, his fantasy. The next moment, I’m his very own brand of burden. The hurt didn’t register at first, the hurt was just a dull pain. Everything was dull in my own eyes, and with the other women, I realized what had become of me in the leading moment.
The door creaks open, and I look over to see the man I once obsessed over. Sadly now, I bore his presence knowing that it is something that I truly despise. “Alina...” he murmurs silently, approaching me with his staggering height, “I’m sorry, but this is the way that it has to be.” I start to shake my head, feeling disgust court me windily. He looms over me, nothing but pity in his eyes.
“Please don’t leave me...” I retrieve an orange bottle from the pocket of my robe, and he slowly accepts the offer.
“I’ll take your offer, but I won’t take you back...” He murmurs slowly, “You deserve more than what I gave you, have that innocence again.”
“What’s wrong with me, Adonis?” My question snaps out at him, “Was I never enough for you?!” Quickly, I stand to my feet, fixing my ill-fitted robe over my peaking breast, and I curl my fingers into my dark hair. I walk to the opposite of the room, away from the damned man. Tears continue to assault my face, vulnerability within. I peak over my shoulder to look back at him, seeing him pull a cigarette out from his jacket. Rage volts inside of me, and I clench my fists. “Answer me dammit!” I yell, and he furrows his dark brows. His handsome face vexes in confusion.
“What more can I say, Alina? I’m done pursuing girls like you.” He unapologetically shrugs his broad shoulders, lighting the cigarette slowly. He inhales the toxins, exhaling them calmly. “You’re nothing to me now.”
The simple sentence breaks something inside of me, and my chest constrains into a pure tang of pain. I grab dirty clothes from the wood floors, and throw them straight to his face. He yells after me, but I don’t listen to a subtle word he screams. Instead, I scour inside the dresser, finding what I desire. I rummage quickly through each drawer, not able to find what I want.
I turn around, only to meet face-to-chest with Adonis, and with a solemn grunt, I use all my force to push him away from me. “Where the hell is it?” I ask, my voice roaring. He let’s the ashes of his cigarette fall to the floor, and he looks up me with his deep brown eyes, intensity in his eyes. He doesn’t say a word, but he strides towards me, until he has me pushed between the wall and him. His calloused hands cuff around my wrists, and he looks down into my eyes.
“I may be leaving you, but that doesn’t mean you should become pathetic and desperate. Fucking deal with it, and move on with your little life.” He tries to force his senses into me, but my thoughts repel them. With my unknown strength, I manage to push him down to the ground, straddling my waist against them. My hands wrap around his throat, and he looks up at me. I pant, letting my rat of a hair fall gracefully down from my shoulder, hanging off one side.
“Let me do it, and you’ll never have to worry about me again.” My voice is dark and low, falling to what my esteem is now. Hopelessness and I are alike in many ways, and it controls me. It tells me how to feel, how I should deal with the smallest depression in this lonely life of mine. It all happened so quickly, the events that leads to this very moment.
“I still care for you,” Adonis confesses, “and I don’t want you to hurt yourself because of something like this, Alina.” Slowly, the back of his hand caresses my numb face. I flinch at his slightest touch, moving my face away from his contact.
“You have no right how to tell me how to live my life, and you have no right to touch something that you have broken.” I whisper, and I look away from him, sobbing.
“What have I done to deserve this bitter treatment? Was it the fact that I let go of my somber innocence for a trade of his faux care? What is love when your idea has been falsified into a deep loop of lies? It was all one-sided, none of it was real from him, he lied. Lies only flow. He’s my everything, and I given what he treasures the most: drugs. That’s not enough for him? What was ever enough for him? Clearly it was never me, otherwise I wouldn’t have caught him.” My mind then replays the memory again.
I had just came home after a long day at work, and the moment I had approached the front door, I knew what was happening. The sounds - the ruckus - were echoing throughout the entire home, and the pit of my stomach had fell. The source of the pleasuring screams came from upstairs, in our bed. That’s the bed that I fell asleep in every night, cuddling against him. It’s the same bed where we would have passionate love, but instead of me, it’s someone else. I can hear the way she screams his name, and it’s sickening. I didn’t have the heart to confront him, so I ran. I ran away from my own home, and I wish I had the heart to confront him that day.
Only a week later, and all the crashing events had came down to this. I continue to straddle his waste, looking down at him, and he peers deeply into my eyes.
“Just tell me where the hell the damned thing is at, and you’ll never have to worry about me again, I promise.” I sigh out, feel serene washing over me at the slightest thought of the end. He doesn’t say a word, but he continues to look into my eyes, trying to find something inside my amber orbs. “Please Adonis,” I murmur, “Lemme fall out of love before you see her again.” Jealousy cores me, it create the human that I am today. “This is the only way that I’ll ever fall out of love, and you know it.”
He stays silent, not even a sigh falling from his lips.
“I meant it when I said that I’ll always love you, Don.” I sigh, and I stand to my feet. I then walk towards the end table, where his eyes widen. “It’s in here isn’t it?” I ask as I open the drawer, and he quickly stumbles to his feet. I grasp it in my hands, and I turn to face him. He stops in his tracks, standing right in front of me. “I beg you, this is how it should ends.” I raise it to my head, feeling my head lighten, and my throat drying.
My finger presses slowly against the trigger.
Before I know it...bang.