The World Spins Madly On

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Chapter 5

Jay walked around the corner of the street talking to Sarah, one of the residents that lived a little further down the road than he did, he noticed Abigail sat on his doorstep and smiled to himself. Sarah hugged Jay goodbye and he turned to greet Abigail.

“Hey, everything okay?” Jay asked.

“Yeah. Who was that?” Abigail questioned.

“That’s just Sarah, she lives down the road, she’s also the barmaid at the White Horse.” Jay answered.

He opened his front door and let Abigail in. He was confused as to why she cared, she seemed to be acting different to normal.

“So, I wrote a new song the other day, I wanna show it to you, if you’re interested that is?” Jay informed.

“Why didn’t you tell me you and Elizabeth had a history?” Abigail blurted out.

“Oh... Okay.” Jay sat down on the sofa opposite where Abigail had sat. “Well, it was eight years ago. We weren’t together long, two maybe three months. She left me because we were young and she didn’t feel like we were ready to be together.”

“And then the next person she dated was Dan and it happened to be a serious relationship and that killed you so you waited around for her for eight years?” Abigail assumed.

“Woah, okay. No. She got together with Dan about 6 months later, and I got together with Lily. Lily gave me an ultimatum about a year in and said it was her or Elizabeth, I told her that Elizabeth will always come before she did and so we split. Over the years, I admit, that there were moments when I questioned my feelings for her. But she was my best friend, we weren’t anything more. I loved her, in more ways than one, but I wasn’t waiting around for her for eight years.” Jay explained.

“I don’t feel like she would want this anymore Jay.” Abigail said.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jay questioned.

“She never let any of us meet you, you were a massive part of her life but we never met you. Why?” Abigail asked.

“Maybe she just wanted to keep some things in her life separate. We all do it.” Jay tried to justify.

“Or maybe you were on her never list. Maybe she didn’t want any of us to meet you because she wouldn’t have been able to deal with the idea of you with one of her friends.” Abigail replied.

“It was eight years ago, she wouldn’t have cared.” Jay argued.

“And what if she did care? What if she was here right now, do you think she’d be okay with me and you doing whatever we’re doing?” Abigail asked.

“I don’t think she’d mind too much. Seeing as you can’t even say what this is.” Jay snapped back.

“What are you saying?” Abigail questioned aggressively.

“I’m saying that you can kiss me, you can sleep next to me in my bed, introduce me to your family and all of that kind of stuff, but you can’t admit that we’re pretty much together. Or seeing each other. Or a couple. Or whatever you are so afraid of calling this.” Jay answered.

“It’s not my fault we’ve never actually clarified it!” Abigail shot back.

“Oh so every time that I’ve brought it up and you’ve quickly changed the subject, that’s been my fault has it?” His voice began to become more aggressive.

“I’m sorry but not all of us are as confident as you when it comes to this kind of thing!” Abigail growled back.

“What, so you’re saying I’m too confident in the idea of being with you?” Jay questioned.

“Well, who says that being together is going to be a good idea anyway?” Abigail responded quickly.

“What? You’re the one getting upset because I have a history with someone else, and you’re telling me that suddenly it isn’t something you want?” Jay was getting confused.

“No, I’m saying that what’s so bad about us just being two people comforting each other through hard times?” Abigail reworded.

“Fuck...” Jay said under his breath.

“What? Just say it.” Abigail challenged.

“So basically I’m just your fall guy? I’m the person you fall back on because it suits you? You get an emotional prostitute out of it and I get to fall face first for you and you just get to brush it off?” Jay angrily questioned.

“No not at all! I care about you...” Abigail began to argue.

“You know what, I don’t even know what’s going on anymore. This argument makes no sense to me.” Jay threw his hands up, grabbed his keys and headed out of his house leaving Abigail behind.

She sat back down on Jay’s sofa and tears began to crawl down her cheeks. She was confused, she was angry and she was aching. She didn’t want to disrespect Elizabeth by dating someone she had loved, but she didn’t want to have any more stupid nonsense arguments with Jay. She waited for hours in hope that he would come home. She woke up from a sleep on the sofa a little disorientated. She checked the clock and then looked around the apartment to see that there was still no sign of him. Her heart ached and she felt so guilty. She gathered her things and decided to look for him.

Abigail checked all the places she could think he might be. The local bars, his favourite places to write and draw in the town, his favourite venue, the parks, but she found nothing. She pulled out her phone and tried calling, it went straight to answer phone.

“The dead zone.” Abigail said out loud to herself.

She jumped on a train and began to head to Jay’s grandparents house. She hoped that he was there, if not she had no more ideas where he could be.

She slowly walked up to the front door of the house, she knocked and waited for a moment. Nobody was in.

Abigail headed into the back garden and walked over to the clubhouse. She could hear someone inside but she wasn’t quite sure what was going on. She knocked. Nothing happened. She slowly opened the door.

As she opened the door she saw Jay sat on the floor surrounded by photographs, old letters and song sheets. His eyes red raw as he leant against the tree in the middle of the cabin. The tears still ran down his face. Abigail began to tear up as she saw him sat there. She didn’t say anything, neither did he. She walked over to him, sat down and cradled him in her arms. She held him tightly and could feel how broken he was.

They just sat there in each other’s arms for a while. Nothing else mattered. She made him feel safe, he knew he wouldn’t ever dare hurt her so for as long as she held him, he couldn’t hurt himself.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered as she kissed his head.

Abigail realised that Jay had kept almost as many sentimental scraps as Elizabeth had. He just hadn’t done it intentionally. It was all the things he had written with her in the past for his band, or the letters she had sent him while he was away travelling with his band and all the postcards she sent.

“Yes. We had a history. Yes I still loved her through out the years. But I wasn’t waiting for her. She was often the reason I stayed strong. A lot of the songs I wrote with her were us writing about the little things in life that we loved.” Jay explained. “She helped me have a reason. She helped me when Lily left. I can’t tell you why she kept her two sides of life separate. I can’t tell you if she would be okay with this, but I can say I think as long as we take care of each other and genuinely care for one another she would be happy.”

“I’m sorry that I went a little psycho. I just didn’t know, and admittedly part of me felt like I’d never be good enough. I am nothing compared to her.” Abigail apologised.

“Don’t be silly, you’re amazing. I wish I’d found you sooner.” Jay reassured.

Jay and Abigail sat in the cabin for a few hours, they talked about themselves and each other. Something they realised they hadn’t properly done yet. Jay sat with King cuddled up on his lap while he stroked his head. Abigail sat on the floor leaning on the sofa.

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