As the ladder came down my nerves and anxiousness started to build up. If anyone found out that I was in Harry’s room God knew what could happen to me. It felt like I was playing with fire, and just like anyone who has ever played with it, I was hoping I wouldn’t get burned.
But it was stronger than me. Finally, Harry was revealing himself, showing me his most secretive haven. I was afraid that I would never get that chance again, so I was determined to take every single opportunity he gave me to get closer to him, because frankly, I knew very little about him and I was desperate to know more.
I gripped the ladder and started to climb as fast as I could. I felt so exposed when I was halfway up, knowing that anyone could see me if they were near the building. Luckily there was not a single breeze in the air, making my ascending easier and faster than I thought. Harry had his head peeking out his window the whole time as he used his arms to support himself from falling, making his hair fall over his eyes. He was watching me the whole time, telling me encouraging words.
“C’mon, let me help you,” Harry said once I reached the top. He stretched his arms towards me, which I accepted gladly. He lifted me up and once my torso was over the window sill, holding my waist so I wouldn’t fall. I lifted my legs and threw them over window sill where I sat down temporarily to catch my breath.
“Well, that was much easier than I thought it would be,” Harry said as he pulled the ladder inside. I wasn’t paying attention to him as my eyes scanned the room: the window I was sat on was parallel to the door, allowing me to see the whole room. To my right, there was a single bed which was much higher than my own, with a blanket that almost touched the floor on its sides. I also noticed that it was made of dark wood just like the rest of the furniture, being mine of white steel. In front of the bed, to my left, a dark wardrobe was standing imposingly. Harry’s desk was near the door against the wall, some papers scattered messily. It was a pretty simple room, but even though I could not distinguish many colours due to the lack of light, the moonlight was enough to figure out where they were positioned.
I hopped off the windowsill slowly, for I was afraid of touching the floor, as if when I did so I was officially stepping on the forbidden area. Once I stood on both my feet and adjusted my skirt, I couldn’t stop myself from walking around, observing everything more attentively, studying my surroundings. I reached for the light switch, wanting to see the colours and decipher the shapes around me, but just before I turned it on Harry’s voice sounded from across the room.
“Don’t!” He whispered-shouted as he moved closer to me “People will know someone is in here if the lights are on.”
“Didn’t even think about that,” I stated with honesty “You are indeed very smart.”
He smiled from ear to ear as he looked momentarily at the floor. The only source of light we had was from the moon and the faint orange light that came from the lamp posts down on the ground, but even so, I could still see his face perfectly well.
“So, what do you think?” Harry asked as he moved away from me “It’s a bit messy, I know, but I can’t help it.”
I chuckled at his words, even though I thought Harry was not the kind of person to leave his room untidy “For starters, I couldn’t care less about the almost no disorganisation you pointed out. I think it’s lovely. A dream actually. You don’t need to share this room it with anyone. I would kill to have that luxury.”
“Sometimes sharing is good,” he replied.
“If you had to share it with people who can’t stand you wouldn’t say that.”
“I was not referring to them, but have it your way,” he whispered as he turned his back to me. He walked to his desk and started to search something in the darkness as I leaned against a wall with one shoulder, studying what he was doing.
“But tell me, how does it feel to be the first girl ever to be in Hall B?” Harry asked, still with his back turned to me. His shoulders moved easily as his hands turned over papers and opened compartments of his desk. I could see his body move underneath his white shirt, how the muscles of his arms contracted at every slight gesture.
“To be honest, scary.”
As Harry took in my words he stopped momentarily his search but resumed almost instantly after. “What about you? How does it feel to be the first guy ever to have a girl in his room?”
Harry did not answer immediately to my question as he found what he was looking for. He then walked towards the door and stood in front of it. The metallic sound of the lock and the key reminded me of a prison cell or a castle’s dungeon being locked as it echoed around the room. Harry’s figure standing tall in front of the door was daunting, and for a moment I felt completely powerless in that room.
“Tempting,” His voice was deep, much deeper than its natural tone. A shiver ran down my spine as he turned around and walked towards me, and despite my nervousness, I managed to take a step closer to him too.
His hands moved to my waist immediately and closed the space between us as he pulled me closer. My mind was no longer in charge as he dove in to kiss me, the feeling of his lips on mine taking over. The urgency and eagerness in his kiss was evident, and the intensity of the kissed matched the one we had outside minutes before.
Without parting our bodies Harry pinned me against the wall behind me. The action took me off guard and I inhaled sharply. All of a sudden he gripped the back of my thigh underneath my skirt and pulled me upwards as I wrapped my legs around his waist. His other hands snaked inside my shirt, making me have goosebumps due to the difference in temperature between his hands and my skin. The sensation was heavenly, I was up in the clouds, and just when I thought it couldn’t get any better he momentarily detached his lips from mine and started to kiss my neck. It was all too much.
My hands gripped his hair as I silently pleaded for him to continue. My name escaped his lips when I did so, making it probably the sexiest sound I have ever heard. His raspy, deep voice resonated around me, the alluring sound making me shiver yet again. He was intoxicating, the only thing I could see was him, him, him. I was so consumed by him that I hadn’t even noticed that we were moving as he gripped my thighs again. I squeezed my legs in fear of falling, and Harry did not let me touch the ground as he laid me back down on his bed.
She was everywhere. Her hands were on my neck and shoulders, her lips on mine, her legs wrapped around my waist, her body pressed tightly against my own. From the very moment I kissed her outside I started to spiral out of control and I did not intend on coming back to concealing what I felt for her. I needed her, I needed her so badly.
I took off my tie swiftly and did the same to her. Her swollen lips felt like heaven, and I, being the mere mortal that I was, could not resist in going back to her, savouring every single kiss as if it was the last, because it could.
That thought alone made me kiss her harder, wanting to escape those thoughts that were tormenting me. I tried to concentrate solely on her, but it was so hard due to the devastating news I had received that morning.
She surprised me by unbuttoning my shirt. When I felt her cold hands touch my chest I inhaled deeply at the contact. I threw my shirt on the floor, diving once again to kiss her neck. It was getting too intense; I couldn’t even see straight.
I just hope you won’t do anything you’ll regret, Hansen’s words echoed in my head involuntarily. When did he say that? I thought. Then I remembered the rest of the phrase: I may not be able to punish you severely, but I sure can punish her, and trust me, I won’t have mercy.
As soon as the whole scene played in my head I lifted myself off her abruptly, as if she had caught an infectious disease in that very moment and if I touched her once again I could get it too.
What was about to happen was against the school rules, and if Hansen ever came to find out I had no doubt he would expel her. He was going to punish her to get to me, even though I was going to leave sooner or later. I went from having no control over my actions to full awareness of the consequences just by remembering Hansen’s words, and even though I wanted her, I could not bear it if he took her away from me by expelling her.
“You have to leave, now,” I told her as I turned my back to her. I could not look at her again, not able to trust myself if I saw her lying so perfectly and tantalisingly on my bed.
“Harry, what’s wrong?” She sounded completely confused, and the thought of making her leave made me sick, but she had to. She had to leave.
Why was she there in the first place? If it was a normal day, I would have never dreamed of taking her to my room. I couldn’t lie to myself: I was using her to forget my sadness, to forget that I was probably going to lose her once I left the boarding school. It was not right that she didn’t know what my true intentions were, my motives.
“I said leave!” I raised my voice, banging my fist on my desk.
I had done many things I was not proud of, but play with a girl, trick her into doing something that she could regret later, I could never do that, even if I loved her more than life itself.
“Why?” She asked, her voice cracking at the end.
I didn’t want to hurt her on purpose, it was the last thing I wanted to do, but if that was it took for her to leave I would.
“Because I don’t want you here,” I managed to say with confidence. I bit my lip as I let guilt sink in. I heard her inhale sharply. I closed my eyes shut, demanding myself to stay where I was, back turned to her. All I wanted to do was say I was sorry, to hold her in my arms and say that I wanted her more than anything in the entire world, but I couldn’t.
The room was dead silent as I waited for her to do something. I noticed she was crying even though she was acting strong, sending a jolt of pain straight through my heart. I heard the springs of the bed squeaking, indicating that she got up. That sound was followed by the window being opened and the ladder made of ropes being dropped.
When I turned around she was not there anymore, and I silently whispered “Be careful not to trip,” as if I was talking to her as if she was still there with me.
I looked around the room. Her presence was everywhere: I could still smell her scent on the wall, on the mattress, on me. Then I noticed her tie on the floor next to mine, and I quickly went to pick it up.
“I’m sorry Summer,” I muttered to myself as I held the fabric tightly in my hands.