ASHWINGS [18+]

When the high of flying wore off, I came back down to earth and the feelings of a human heart. Or angel. If I were to believe Cazienth; that I was always an angel, just born without wings.

I think it holds as much weight as my Blue Blood - witch - status, though.

Cazienth sits across from me with Thorn, as they share some wine. That evening was a celebration, that the six of us would remain to protect the Chaotic Split, a gate way to hell in the middle of the Lavent Ashwing.

Alexios, December and I, were new angels. Cazienth, Thorn and Sabriel, were pure Archangels from heaven sent down to guide and protect us.

Sabriel is guarding the Split right now, while Cazienth and Thorn sit opposite us for a late dinner.

Lust, perhaps love, was different now. I understood it a bit better. As an angel, there was no longer a feeling that I had to cower and submit to a sexual power far greater than I. But I felt at odds regardless. While new power ran through my blood, and my physical form could fly with new wings – my innards, my soul, is confident, yes, but only on a very thin line.

Like a new born, I could feel a new kind of innocence over take me again. I was born again. I was new again. I could live to the full ability of what I was born to be. A daughter to Mary and Lucifer.

If that wasn’t a walking contradiction, I don’t know what is.

“Eat,” Cazienth watches me, as I simply watch the food without touching it, “…the food does not devour itself… eat…” I can hear the slightest hint of dark seduction in his tone.

His eyes hadn’t left me all afternoon.

The last time Caz had his way, he bled me, burned me, all within the Garden of Eden… in order to test my resolve.

He was cruel, so I did not trust him entirely despite his order to guide me and my friends.

“Ivy,” Thorn speaks with that of Lucifer’s tone, his identical mark, except totally pure – and he sounds kind now. I look up at Thorn and smile, “Are you feeling okay?”

I gulp and think about that loaded question.

Yes.

And no.

“...I know what I feel,” December knocks her wing into mine, “Fucking great. How about you, Alexy?”

“Blasphemous language,” Cazienth growls under his breath, through gritted teeth, “You will lose privilege the moment you take it for granted. Think, lamb, before you speak.”

“God. I think Cazienth has blue balls or something,” Alexios wiggles her eyebrows at the Archangel with canines so sharp you could mistake him for a de - wait.

“Cazienth. Why are your canines so sharp?” I ask it, needing to know.

Cazienth has been glaring at Alexios, trying to remain stoic, while clearly hot and heated, ready to fuck after dessert. Now, with my question, he freezes and slowly his eyes flick back to mine.

Thorn answers for him, while smiling at me, “Smart question, angel. Fangs, he was devoutly turned into an Archangel. That’s why Cazienth Nurtures Passion – he’s turned his soul to the light even though he was born in the dark. Quite like you, Ivy.”

“Just please tell me we’re not brother and sister,” I roll my eyes even though it’s a silly pointless question, as Lucifer’s children were not DNA bound to him in any way - only born through a likeness to certain bloody magic.

“A succubus is my mother, an angel my father,” Cazienth explains, tightly, “I was born a vampire on a planet called Pulsar. A dying planet. Valentine was my maker – he could not understand my devoutness to the light when he judged my home planet. I was saved by His Greatest.”

“It was a trick,” Thorn takes over, “Cazienth first loved an angel as a vampire, and indirectly fell in love with the light – see, Ivy, you are not alone. Demons can stray to the light; or stay stuck between faiths in limbo, which is still better than pure depravity.”

“Ivy is the exception, she embodies purest dark and purest light,” Cazienth happily changes the subject from him to me, “It is inevitable she will go insane and -”

“AH! Not with friends!” December adds, “Not with support. Not with our love.”

“Let me finish, lamb. Ivy is destined for a quick death,” as Cazienth states this so plainly, and Thorn freezes with offence, his eyes shining with a passion of… I assume to be love and something of truth, in defence of me, “Really I mean it. A very short life span. Years, even. Weeks, maybe. Days, possibly. Ivy will not s-”

“Shut up,” Thorn smacks Cazienth’s wine over, “You push too hard at the wrong times.”

“That is how you learn the true nature, quickly,” as Cazienth replies in a low, humoured drawl, I am already standing from the table, wings flaring out behind me.

I want to speak but I think I’d rather fly.

“Do you want to talk to Decy and I, alone?” Alexios reaches for my hand and I pull back from her.

I need a long moment to myself.

“I’m going to fly...” I tell all of them, “I’ll return soon.”

That’s my first lie as an angel.

****

6 days later

I was going to die. Why else would His Greatest allow me wings? I was given a river of courage and light to judge the Fallen, to create an Ashfall, because I would die soon too. Cazienth told me the truth. I was destined to die young, I was pulled up into the light after being coerced so heavily by Lucifer, to be effectively torn the other way dramatically.

I had come to the conclusion that I was being split... slowly.

I’ve escaped the Lavent Ashwing to fly around Ora this past week – searching for answers.

For the first time on my journey, I see Ora as a scarred, burned planet. Sword marks that slid through the soil and created canyons of volcanic rocks were made through Archangelic power. Valentine’s judgement was very harsh on this world. He must have killed millions to cleanse this planet when Judgement Day passed.

Despite the ‘holiday’ to reflect, I do concede I do find answers while flying away from the Lavent.

I had met many kinds of lovers in the Lavent as a human.

I could now easily see the Blas Archangel’s major flaws.

Valentine was toxic, selfish and conceited. Guzza was stubborn beyond reason, and self-sacrificing to risk. Myron hid his menacing nature behind an angel’s trusting smile. Lucifer, my Father, was full of hate and rage; but for a specific thing. He hates his passion for me.

The purities from heaven were another concern.

Cazienth was motivated by purpose. Thorn was motivated by purpose. Sabriel, again, knew purpose. They all had flaws within nature but they controlled their darkest desires before the line was blurred, let alone burned.

Blas Archangels, the Fallen, let go of all control; when they fell in love with witches.

Witches, which were the offspring of Lucifer and his enslaved whores from hell.

I was trying to find my purpose but there was only one law I had to abide by in this moment.

Every 7 days I would need to visit Lucifer.

So, when midnight struck tonight – I would fall.

I was minutes from my next meeting with the devil.

I’m preparing for it, on top of a volcano, where I look down into the vat of lava and I wonder what would happen if I just fell right in. Would I burst into flames? When I died, will I go down, or up? So many questions. Was it a Final Death when I died, now that I was angelic?

It’s as I’m looking down into the burning molten magma, contemplating how I will die young, that I see an angel land on the other side of the volcano.

Lucifer? With white wings?

No.

This was Thorn.

Although his timing couldn’t have been anymore close cutting to my next descent -

“I have word!” Thorn calls out to me, “He’s not coming for you, Ivy!”

“Lucifer?!” I yell back, watching Thorn grin like a boy.

“He said you can go down whenever you’re ready,” Thorn is joyous, “But that means he has released you entirely from the deal you made.”

There was no way -

“But Lucifer warned me of the deal 7 days ago? Why is he letting me go now?” I wonder.

“It doesn’t matter, Ivy, you’re free of the devil’s touch,” Thorn winks at me, seemingly proud.

“My Father would never let me go that easily,” I wait for the trick, but as Thorn takes off and flies across the crater, he lands in front of me. I step back a little bit, and I rake my eyes over Thorn’s perfection. Up close, I see that he isn’t Lucifer in disguise, so I am content with that. I feel and I see his purity radiate from his pores, his aura is bright and quite pure.

Although it does pulse a little, wavering brighter, as if Thorn is... nervous?

“Shall we return together?” Thorn holds out a hand for me, “Have you searched your heart enough, Ivy?”

Odd question - my eyes fly to his.

Thorn waits so patiently, and his breath holds.

“Thorn... I can’t go back yet, I don’t feel so good about that place... I was just a slave there and… I lost my mind there… but most of all, Cazienth scared me with his words,” I whisper this last part, “Truly. I’m going to die young from all this.”

“You really think I’d let you die?” Thorn leans into a rock and gives me a devil’s smirk.

I freak out for a second, my eyes popping, as I take a frightful step back, and quickly he loses his devilish smile.

“Sorry. It’s me, Ivy, I’m not… I’m not the devil in disguise,” Thorn shakes his head, “I promise.”

“It’s just... uncanny,” I whisper, “It’s so uncanny.”

Thorn gulps, as he says, “Maybe it is, but… do you want to know something about yourself? Don’t be scared. You’re strong. Stronger than death. I know it, Ivy. Stronger than fate?” Thorn doesn’t answer in words, he just nods to show me his belief in me. Yes.

“I know that I can feel the river of light within my blood,” I show him one finger and a light flickers out the tip, “See? This makes me strong.”

Thorn smiles as he sees my power so easily harnessed now, but he shakes his head as he catches my eyes, “I was actually talking about your mind and your heart, not your gift,” my eyes flit down, glancing at Thorn wearing light cotton pants, light grey, and I see him glance down awkwardly as he lifts up a large foot and shakes off a sharp rock that was digging into his sole, “...ouch,” Thorn looks up with a bit of a blush and I find myself fluttering my wings once.

Everything about him is so... strange.

I’m propelled forward on my own impulse, with one small movement, I try placing my lips to his.

Was he even real?

Yes.

The volcano itself rumbles beneath our feet as his arm snaps around my back and he holds me in, tightly as I kiss him deeper.

I initiate it, and he takes it further with his lips parting.

I mean, yes, we’ve fucked once – with two others present.

A task that Thorn seemed to hate.

Now I feel something entirely different.

As his lips are so careful, and it’s as if he’s afraid he might scare me off.

But his arm is so strong, confident in what he wants - hoping I want it too.

I lean in, I feel Thorn’s heart pulsing heat through me – as his love mingles into mine.

It’s a bright flash with the collision - and it omits a perfectly warm light, like at the moment of calm during a quiet perfect twilight. It feels right. It’s apart of us combined, existing on it’s own; perfection.

Two things that are meant to be one thing.

I feel myself melting up now, into him, as I stand on my tip toes and he holds me even closer.

We don’t want to fuck like this, we just want to kiss, and it becomes so clear in that moment.

I am the one to pull away, feeling Thorn follow me.

His eyes flicker open and I see the dying star, yet to become a super massive black hole like his twin, Lucifer.

I feel myself rise, as I fall in love with Lucifer’s first light – when he was light. A morning star.

I’m able to see it through Thorn.

I watch as Thorn smiles, soft and bright – but in front of me – his whole body starts to burn.

I stiffen as ash falls at my feet.

One ember at a time, every atom melts apart and I see a ghost of his smile in front of me.

I smile back at it, but even the image of the smile fades... it’s just a memory.

Thorn has vanished.

Gone.

I wonder if it’s a dream, but eventually the rush of light in my heart fades too.

A bright flame that flickers and then weakens, about to die without oxygen.

I suck in a panicked breath at that moment, as I strike out a hand into the air where he stood moments ago... and I feel nothing.

Thorn was never... - he’s gone.

Final Death.

I feel the loss.

Did my kiss obliterate him?

I feel only one more thing in my shock.

Stark pain.

Mine.

His.

Someone elses? It’s confusing as it’s not clear cut.

I spin right around, wings spread in violent defiance of the truth I wish to forget, and my eyes focus on the watcher.

He is here, standing back, far away.

A witness.

Phantom black wings, huge heavy and large, sprouting and dragging from Lucifer who hides behind a rock; he’s crying.

Lucifer turns to go with my eyes on him and I find myself yelling out.

“Hello?! What the h -”

“My brother made a deal with me, I made a deal with myself,” Lucifer speaks, a snarl that is so quickly lost into a normal tone, a mimic of the tone of Thorn’s light a moment ago, same sound, no demonic drawl, just his normal... his strange... normal voice, an... angel, “Thorn broke the deal between you and I, Ivy, freeing you, in exchange; he would be obliterated... when his true love kissed him… me…” Lucifer smiles the tiniest bit, speaking of Thorn as himself, the egotistical thought bringing him a single moment of joy. Now he glances back over to me, after staring out at Ora’s vast landscape instead, “Hello, Ivy. I was your true love. Am. Oops,” he almost chokes on his own joke, “I’m not angelic anymore,” Lucifer finishes it barely, voice strained as he looks down, raising a hand and watching his black nails grow into the claws of a demon, “I would love to stay, but… I am going to grieve my brother,” Lucifer starts to fade away.

All I see is rock.

Where he stood.

And behind me.

Where he stood.

He leaves me with a broken heart.

But last and not least; an invitation.

……oh, sweet heart, they all miss you so dearly…… do come visit…… bring your sisters…… we await you with a feast…… absolutely no foul play, promise......

A menacing joy lights his tone, which was breaking in sheer pain moments ago.

...were you Thorn this whole time...? I dare ask, on a choking mental whisper.

......He is exactly me. Not me. Just was...... Don’t you love falling in love, my sweet heart?

His question is met with total silence.

Falling. Yes. It was falling.

It is the clearest answer I’ve ever had in my entire life.

I turn back to the crater.

And I look down at the lava.

It’s about the same time the sky is broken apart with wings, after rocketing in like a shooting star to get to me in time. Cazienth’s feet smack and crack right through into the rock, rumbling the earth with his rage as his hand snatches my throat up and he forces me to look all the way up into his passionate fire filled eyes, he now shakes his head, hissing at me, ”Suicide? I don’t fucking think so, Ivy,” Cazienth smirks, a half way scowl of pleasure, “You know why I have a passion for pain? Blood?” he whispers blood, “I’ll give you a reason to live,” I try to pull out of his grasp, and he doesn’t choke me, but Caz does not unhand me, “Promise. I promise you, Ivy.”

“Thorn-” I can barely speak as the pain catches my tongue.

“Saved your life. Just another reason to breathe.”

"Is he gone forever, Caz?"

Cazienth doesn’t hesitate, “Forever.”

Whether he knows it or not.

Cazienth lies.

Because Thorn’s first form is still alive.

Below the rocks beneath us in a deeper realm.

Lucifer, sent my truest love to hell so I would always come searching.

I was coming back.

For certain.

For him.

For the love of Lucifer.

And he fucking knew it.