Fear, terror, desperation...
I always knew that it wasn’t a reality, that I was dreaming. Still, I couldn’t help myself to feel something else; only pure horror mixed with disgust, for what had happened so many years ago. It was a fucking nightmare, playing in my head for more than twelve years. I didn’t find a way to stop it, to push it somewhere back into my subconscious, to never live it again.
I tried to talk about it. I'd attended all kinds of therapies and meetings, but nothing helped. So, I decided to fight by my own rules. It wasn’t the best solution, and I wasn’t a winner every time, but I survived. That’s what counts, right!?
I wasn’t surprised that I had another nightmare about that horrible experience. The feelings that I felt were very familiar to me. However, what always scared me the most were the details.
A sadistic smirk on my father’s face when he had unzipped his jeans, while his two friends were holding me in place, the arms of my abusers, with needle marks because they were using drugs. One of my father’s buddies had a T-shirt with SpongeBob on it, and it was grinning at me while he was forcing himself on me.
Every time they came to see me at night, this stuff gave me goosebumps. It wasn’t as often as before. It barely happened a few times a month, but it was enough for me to never forget about it. I always fought them hard. It wasn’t a night when I wasn’t fighting. If I had to endure it a million times in my dreams, I would never submit to them the easy way.
Even when I knew it was just another nightmare, I couldn’t make myself open my eyes to wake up. I did everything exactly the same way as a thousand times before. I was fighting with all I had, no matter the consequences; harder punches to my face, stronger kicks into my abdomen. And then it hit me like a truck.
I’m pregnant! No, no, no!! They are killing my babies!!!
A surge of strength filled my muscles, and I struck and kicked at everything and everyone who was in my range. I didn’t care. My kids were in danger; I had to protect them. I was hurling punches like a lunatic, because I would never let my insane, deranged father hurt my children. Ever!
However, something was different this time. I could feel someone was trying to help me. Not with kicking the asses of the rapists, but in my mind, I felt at peace, which hadn't happened since I was a little kid. Familiar heat embraced my body, and for a second, I totally forgot about the horrible dream.
When I looked around, my nightmare hadn’t disappeared; it was still there, but I wasn’t present anymore. I didn’t feel anything bad. It was like a dreadful movie playing in my head and I could finally wake up.
Slowly, I opened my eyes, but I closed them back again, because the strong light almost burned them out of my skull. I was covered in cold sweat and my erratic breathing echoed in the silent room. I focused on my other senses and I found out that someone was hugging me from behind. Strong arms were tightly wrapped around me, holding me while my body still trembled.
"You’re okay, Gorgeus." A familiar, deep, soothing voice rang in my ear, making my body relax immediately. I didn’t know how he was doing it, but I felt safe. And I didn’t want it to end.
He was spooning me from behind, his huge frame pressed against mine. The heat of his body was warming my cold muscles, and the trembling slowly disappeared. One of his hands was on my belly, caressing it, and I couldn’t help but feel as the tears burned in my eyes. That was when I realised I was crying the entire time.
I wriggled a little, so I could wipe the wetness from my cheeks, and his grip on me lessened. Cold air found its way between us and I shuddered. Instinctively, I pressed myself back against him, and he didn’t hesitate to pull me closer. I could feel every line of his toned muscles on my back and his hard member was saying hello to my ass.
Wait, wait! A few hours ago, he wanted to chew my head off!
"Brion," I whispered, and it came out as a weird screech.
He chuckled with his mouth next to my ear. I really wanted his lips on my neck, or shoulder, or anywhere. However, that annoying little voice inside my brain didn’t forget to remind me that Brion was angry with me. And after what he had said to me, I quickly decided that I shouldn’t bury my dignity even deeper under the ground. Apology, he owned me at least that much.
I coughed because I needed to clear my throat if I wanted to speak to him. In a second, he was out of bed, giving me a glass filled with cold water. I slowly pulled myself up, taking it. I didn’t realize that my mouth was as dry as a desert.
"Brion," I tried again, and it was much better than before, so I could continue. "Why were you with me in my bed?" I asked, giving him back the glass with my eyes on his hand.
"Technically, it’s my bed," he pointed out, and I stole a quick glance at him. His soft smile woke up the butterflies in my stomach, and I felt the heat in between my legs. His eyes were swirling with different emotions, but after a moment, he plastered a stern expression on his face.
I moved my eyes down his body and I involuntarily sighed. He wore a white T-shirt with blue stripes, which hugged his torso perfectly; black jeans that hung very low on his hips; and messy hair that needed a little combing. In front of me stood his perfect, handsome self. On the other hand, his subtle was longer than before, his clothes were different, and he wasn’t angry anymore. I wanted to ask how long I had been out, but I didn’t need to. He answered my question without me even asking.
"You slept for three days." He sat down next to my legs, putting his hand on the sheet. "You had horrible nightmares, and today, you were calling my name, so I joined you."
I felt as blood quickly rushed to my face and my cheeks reddened. Maybe I shouldn’t be embarrassed, but I was. I wasn’t strong enough to fight against my fears. I was weak, and he saw that first hand.
"Gorgeous, I'm sorry." He interrupted my thoughts, and I looked into his beautiful eyes, taken aback by his words. "I felt your agony, pain, and despair and I couldn’t handle it," he mumbled, but I didn’t understand. "I invaded your mind so I could stop your dreaming," he explained with a guilty expression. His big brown puppy eyes were full of sorrow. He was so cute like that, but I still didn’t get it.
"Stop?" I raised my eyebrows at him while he was studying my face.
"Yes," he slightly nodded, "you were in my mind, remember?"
Of course, how could I forget?
Oh, wait! Fuck! Was he in my head?
Dread washed over me when I realised he didn’t apologise for his harsh words toward me. I felt as my heart began to speed its rhythm. The blood in my veins was boiling with anger.
How could he!? Why!?
"Emily, please," he whispered softly, and he put his hand on my leg, but I yanked it away. "I can explain," he continued in a gentle voice, pleading with his eyes.
"What do you want to explain?" I asked through gritted teeth, breathing heavily, clenching my palms into tight fists. He had invaded my privacy, my mind, everything. My deepest thoughts, fears, and secrets were exposed for him to know about them. And he did it without my consent!
Oh, shit!! Does he know!?!?
No! No! No!
I could never let Brion know about what had happened when I was a teenager. That horrible nightmare, the darkest part of my life, couldn’t be brought into the light. He would never see me as the person I am now. I didn’t want his pity. I knew very well that I was damaged goods. He didn’t need to know that either. I desperately wanted to be with our kids after their birth. If he knew about my deepest secret, there was no way in hell he would let my crazy, weak self be part of our kids' lives.
"Gorgeous, you were in pain." His gentle voice interrupted my line of thoughts, a deep scowl settled on his beautiful face. "Your suffering put the pups into their violent state before. I couldn’t let them hurt you again."
"What?" I breathed, unable to comprehend his words. He slowly took my small hand into his huge one, and this time I didn’t pull away. Mostly because of the pleasurable feelings that travel through my whole body only because of his touch.
I didn’t have enough strength to fight him. I loved his gentle side. The way he was staring at me with pure adoration. Golden sparks in his brown eyes danced with tenderness and affection. I could look into those dark orbs for eternity and I wouldn’t have enough of them.
"They were trying to help you." He jolted me awake from my daydreaming about his amazing eyes, and I blinked quickly a few times to focus on his words. But I couldn’t, because his lips were even more perfect than his chocolate pools. I was staring at his lower lip, plump, perfectly cut, bright in a beautiful natural pink colour, joined with a heart-shaped upper one. He was telling me something, and I nodded my head when, in reality, I was dreaming about him kissing me.
"Emily, are you listening to me?" He raised his voice, and I drifted my attention from his mouth back to his eyes. His stern expression would have been funny if I wasn’t embarrassed about my thoughts again.
"I was... thinking...", I started, but he cut me off.
"Of course, you were," he sighed, shaking his head. "You need to be careful. You don’t want to hurt..."
It was my time to interrupt him. I felt the sudden urge to be mean to him. My musing about his perfect face only angered me. How could I be so weak? His behavior toward me was horrible. He didn't respect me, he didn't listen to me, and suddenly he wanted to lecture me? In your dreams, pretty boy!
"How could you know that?" I spat, and his eyes widened in surprise. I put more force into my words than I originally planned, and it came out almost like a shout. "You called me a murderer! How could you know that I don’t want to hurt them!?" I noticed anger and despair in my voice. He’d hurt me much more than I wanted to admit.
"Emily," he started gently, and my stomach twisted with disgust. He didn’t calm me, he only upset me more.
"What Emily!" I screamed at him. "Are you fucking insane!?"
My blood was rushing through my veins like a stormy river; my heart was thundering in my chest, and my vision blurred for a moment. I was so furious I couldn’t think and words were flying uncontrollably out of my mouth.
"You’ve insulted me! You’ve hurt me and you’ve accused me of doing things I would never have done in my life!" I yelled, getting up from bed. I couldn’t sit on my ass when my whole body was shaking with fury. I was only in a tank top and shorts, but I didn’t mind. "I’m pregnant with you, you fucked up animal! And you’re acting like a fucking beast!! I’m a human, not a wolf! Remember that!!"
He stood up as well and took a step toward me. I could see concern in his eyes. My temper was getting the best of me, but I didn’t care. He deserved a piece of my mind after what he had done to me and to my wounded heart.
"Gorgeous, please, calm down," he said meekly, his expression worried.
"Why!"? I screamed, throwing my arms in the air. "So our kids wouldn’t kick the shit out of me!?!? Don’t act like you care!" It hurt like hell to say it out loud, but in my head it was the truth. He only cared for our babies, as he stated clearly the last time. Why should we act,differently when no one is around?
"To you, I’m just a fucking incubator!" I continued my outburst even when I saw his pained expression.
"That’s not true," he whispered, stretching his arm in my direction. "I was an asshole to you, but I care for you."
"Really!?" I laughed bitterly, taking another step away from him. I wasn’t sure what the fuck got into me. My sudden change in mood was very weird, and I couldn’t control my temper. It was like I wasn’t myself. I wasn’t a mean person. I didn’t want to purposely hurt someone, even when he had hurt me.
"Gorgeous, I beg you, control yourself," he pleaded, scanning my body with his eyes. "They will attack you."
He moved slowly toward me, but I didn’t want to be near him. The magic that surrounded us when we were together always clouded my judgment, and I needed to ventilate my anger first and think later.
"Jesus!" I yelled. "Stop acting like a caring boyfriend!"
"Okay." He nodded, holding his hands up in a surrendering gesture. "I’ll do as you say, if you calm down," he negotiated, but I wasn’t in the mood to let him manipulate me. I was furious, because of his previous behaviour and this new hypocrite, who was acting like he was bothered by my state of mind, was making me sick.
"Fuck you and your orders!" I spat, my whole body trembled with rage.
His eyes widened in shock, but only for a second. In a moment, his dark orbs were replaced by glowing golden eyes, and I flinched only because of the sight of them.
"You will listen to me," he growled. To my surprise, he wasn’t angry. He didn’t say it as a command or he didn’t use that strange power that radiated from him on me. It was just a statement in a very low, sexy voice, which sent shivers down my spine.
"Make me," I challenged, and his eyes flashed dangerously red. Still, I wasn’t afraid of him. If he wanted to hurt me, I would have been crouched in the corner fifteen minutes ago.
"Don’t provoke me, Emily! You're playing with fire," he rumbled, and I clearly heard a warning in his words.
"Stop threatening me," I retorted, raising my eyebrows. I could see he was amused by my answer, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to push him more. It was one thing to argue with Brion, but what about his wolf? Let’s just say, I had great respect for that beautiful beast.
"It’s a warning, not a threat," he snarled, annoyed. I was sure he wanted to roll his eyes at me, but he didn’t. He just stood there, totally still, carefully watching my every move with that familiar predatory glint in his golden orbs.
"Stop barking at me!" I shrieked, angry that he was acting like I was one of his subjects. I was out of words because of his presence. I could fight with Brion, but with him? It was very hard for me.
Why does he have such a big effect on me? He’s a wolf, for fuck’s sake!!
"Stop telling me what to do!" He growled loudly, and I flinched again. I was powerless against his Alpha voice. At least, Isabella said, it was his Alpha’s voice, or command, which no one could refuse to listen to. And I wasn’t different. I found myself backing away from him when he slowly took steps forward. Power was radiating from him in waves, but I wasn’t overwhelmed by it like before, when he was angry. He only asserted his dominance.
"Stop following me," I groaned, trying to fight him off. I wasn’t one for giving up, but this was pointless. And he only chuckled, knowing very well that I didn’t have a chance to defy him.
"I’ll do what I want, as always," he smirked with confidence. I was shocked that his ego didn’t burst through the roof. Cocky bastard!!
I was pressed against the wall on the other side of the room, and Rhett was stalking me with the ease of a hunter, which he was naturally born with. Goosebumps appeared on my naked arms when I was staring in bewilderment at his beautiful face and wide wolffish grin. He was enjoying it! He was playing with me!
Fuck! What now!?
I wasn’t sure what I actually tried to accomplish anymore. He clearly wanted me to submit, but I couldn’t do it. Not without a fight. He had already known that he was much stronger than everybody else. Well, I needed to be different. He had seen my weak side. I deeply needed to show him that I wasn’t so easy to get, even when it was a little late for it with babies growing inside of me. I still expected him to apologise for his behaviour. Without it, we couldn’t move on.
"Not with me," I sighed, suddenly tired from all that screaming. It didn’t have any effect on him, so why should I hurt my vocal chords more?
"No?" He whined, clearly mocking me with one raised eyebrow. He stopped in front of me, our bodies a few inches away. I could feel the heat radiating from him as he was towering over me. He looked somehow bigger than before. His shoulders were broader, his chest wider. Could he be taller?
"No," I mumbled, my determination slowly crumbling down with every breath I took. And God, he smelled so good; a mix of jasmine and roses along with freshly cut grass. It was intoxicating. I felt weak in my knees just from his scent, which I hadn’t noticed before.
He leaned closer to me and he supported himself with his palm against the wall, next to my head. His eyes were like big pools of melted gold. I could lose myself in them. With my heart somewhere in my throat, I tried to look away, but I couldn’t. I was pulled to him like an iron to a magnet. It took almost all of my will to break the eye contact.
He put his long finger under my chin, making me look at him again. He was staring at my lips, and I involuntarily licked them. I could see as he gulped, clearly fighting the urge to kiss me.
And fuck! I wanted him to do just that. As pathetic as it sounded, it was the only thing on my mind. His soft, perfect lips crushed on mine, devouring me. I hadn’t tasted them in a painfully long time, and I really needed them.
But, as very often in this situation, the little voice in my head spoke. It was only one word, but still, it was enough for me to get myself out from under Rhett’s spell.
"Don’t touch me," I snapped suddenly, and he connected his eyes with mine. I could see amusement and a hint of surprise in them. I pulled my head to the side, away from his hand, but despite my effort to get away from him, he was like a brick wall. And he didn’t want to move and let me go.
"Rhett, I want to leave," I ordered sternly, staring directly into his golden eyes, which were swirling with mischief. Again, he wasn’t angry; he was making fun of me. He knew I couldn’t overpower him, so he was playing with me like a cat with a mouse. Shit!
He was so close to my face that our noses almost touched. I didn’t want him to stop this little game, but I needed to make him understand that he had to fight for me. Before, it wasn’t necessary, but after what he had said to me, he had to make an effort if he still wanted me. No way on earth would I let him get away from that without at least one loud "I’m sorry." However, I still didn’t know how to make the big bad wolf acknowledge his mistake.
He touched me again. Softly, he brushed his fingers against my pink cheek, and I felt the sparks travel my whole body. For a long moment, I had absolutely forgotten about my commitment to myself because of the ecstatic feelings that appeared everywhere. It was much stronger than with Brion, and I was blind and deaf to the world. The only one I could see was him, standing in front of me with his crazy eyes and an arrogant smirk on his perfect face. I wasn’t able to resist him. My whole body melted under his soft fingers and heated gaze. I was lost.
I took a sharp breath when he leaned closer. There was no space between us. I was pressed against the wall, with my heart frantically beating inside my chest. My hardened nipples wanted to tear off the black top, which I was wearing, and on my mind was only him, filling me with his hard member as much as he could.
Fuck! Where is that fucking brain when I need it?
In a moment, when he gently licked my lips with his warm tongue, I was snapped out of my daze. Don’t get me wrong, it was the best feeling ever, being squeezed between his hard body and the wall, but I just couldn’t let him win. Not so easily. I had to resit the most handsome Alpha on the planet!
While he was preoccupied with leaving small kisses on my jaw, I mustered all of my strength and courage to do what I needed to do, to push him away from me. I had told him that he should stop touching me. He didn’t take it. I wasn’t stronger than he was, and maybe he wouldn't even notice my effort, but I had to do it. The next move was to kick him somewhere, and I really didn’t want to try that approach.
So, I put my hands on his broad shoulders and I took a deep breath.
"I told you," I whispered into his ear, "don’t touch me!!" I absolutely wasn’t prepared for what happened next. My body tensed, and I pushed him as hard as I could, using all of my strength, and... he flew across the room, hitting the bookshelf on the other side. It was a good twenty-five foot long flight.
What the hell was that?
My shaking hands were glowing crimson red and I almost screamed in horror when I realised my stubborn Alpha wolf was under the pile of wood and books. The impact of his huge body on the wall was so hard, it cracked on the spot he hit.
I couldn’t move. I was paralysed. What have I done?
My brain was yelling at me to react, but my body refused to do anything. I didn’t understand what had just happened, and only the sound of grunting and heavy breathing snapped me out of my trance. But before I could run to him, the big piece of wall collapsed on him and I shrieked.
The big wooden door burst open, and Marat ran inside. At first, he was glancing at me, confused, but when he followed my horrified look, he understood. In a split second, he was next to the big pile of bricks, trying to find his brother underneath it.
I turned around to see Nate, my two bodyguards, and Isabella, who looked worried.
"Help me with this!" Marat growled, and I flinched, unable to say a word.
"Emily." Isabella's soft voice cut through my inner turmoil, and I turned to face her. My body was shaking violently and my breathing was heavy, but at least my palms weren’t glowing anymore.
"Are you okay?" She asked gently as she touched my forearm. I simply nodded, because my tongue and mouth refused to cooperate.
Before she could ask something else, a big ‘Fuck!’ echoed in the room, and I released a deep breath. He was alive, thank God!
His whole body was covered in dust and cement from the wall, and he had a big gush on his forehead. No serious injuries were visible. However, the wide smile on his face made me furious. It didn’t matter that I was the one who threw him against the wall. Why the hell was he smiling? He almost died!!!
"What happened?" Marat asked again, when Brion finally stood up on his feet, dirty and bloodied.
"I kind of deserved that." He winked at him and turned to face me. His brown eyes were swirling with a mix of emotions and I saw a golden light for a second.
My breath hitched in my throat. I wanted him to pay attention to my words, but I sure as hell didn’t want to endanger his life. Still, he looked like he didn’t care. He plastered a victorious smile on his face, the one I didn’t understand. And then, he said the words, which messed up my head and almost made me faint.
"My sweet girl," he purred, eyes glowing as gold, "you’re even more powerful than I expected."
Fuck! What now!?!?