As he turns into the road, I move myself around on the seat and stare across the seat at her receding figure. When I cannot see her anymore, I turn forward despondently and then I cry. It is not silent, discreet tears. It is loud, heart-breaking sobs that shudder through my entire body.
Jayden pulls over onto the side-walk and then he leans toward me. He wraps his arms around me and he pulls me into his chest.
Soon I feel his shirt drenched through with my tears. I do not have a tissue and I can feel my nose watering profusely. I wonder if I should sniff loudly. I want to pull away so I can wipe my nose on the sleeve of my jumper.
Embarrassed, I do not even want to consider wiping or even dripping from my nose onto his shirt. I do not want to pull away from him either because I like being in his arms.
He always knows when I need someone desperately. Every time he comes to visit me in my room, it was when I needed to speak to someone, although I never realized it at the time. He has told me everything, whilst Kieran has tried to protect me and keep me safe, by only telling me what he thinks I need to know.
When I no longer have the choice between sniffing loudly and wiping my nose on his shirt, I pull away from him reluctantly.
He reaches across me and pulls open the glove compartment. Smiling sympathetically, he produces a pack of pocket tissues, and I glance at him gratefully.
I am reluctant to look at him because I am not one of those girls who cry prettily, especially after a total expenditure of cropped up emotions. I know my eyes will be red-rimmed, my nose will be twice its normal size and I can easily be a contender to play Rudolph in any Christmas play, without having to wear a red plastic nose.
I cringe as I blow my nose noisily. The sound will forever remain in my memory as the most embarrassing ever. The thought that I do not have a forever crops up in my head, and with a hiccup, I feel a fresh batch of tears shimmy down my cheeks.
Gently he puts his hand against the side of my head and he pulls me into him.
Throughout my entire display of undiluted hysterics, he remains silent. He does not even make the usual hushing noises people usually make when they do not know what to say.
We sit like this for a very long time, until I can feel the emergency brake lever pushing into my leg painfully.
I pull away from him slowly and his concerned voice is suddenly too loud in the quiet car. “Okay?”
I nod my head and then turn to look out of the window to my side. As he starts the car and starts to drive again, I lean my head against the headrest and with my back turned to him I pull my knees up to my chest.
Close to my dad’s house, I turn to him and I ask softly, “How am I going to explain to my Dad why I have been crying?”
Jokingly Jayden suggests, “Tell them you and Kieran broke up.”
I glare at him disgusted. “Will you stop doing that? I know how this is supposed to end.”
He laughs rudely. “No, actually you don’t.”
I sigh sadly. “Why must we always fight?”
“Because you are a stubborn, silly girl who cannot understand how I feel about you.”
Irate, I turn to him completely, my one leg folded in under me. “Tell me then!”
His fleeting look is filled with shock. I see his eyes go from light to dark. He narrows his eyes as he looks at me uncertainly, and then I can actually see him lose his nerve.
We pull into the driveway in front of my dad’s house. I pull the lever to open the door, and as I get out, I say stubbornly, “Stop telling me I am making the wrong choice, when you cannot even convince me why I am.”
Jayden remains in the car, staring ahead without expression.
I walk away from his car without looking back and I hear him pull away slowly. Five minutes later, I can hear the distant squealing of tires as he accelerates and speeds away.