1.2: Good-bye Buttercup
Well, I just came back from seeing Demon and the doctors are pretty much saying the same things. I’m so tired of hearing ‘only time will tell’. Baby I don’t know what to do anymore not you him and not with you Buttercup. Just the thought of losing either of you is enough to make me want to hide away forever. Especially with the realization of how I failed you both and now I’m clueless on how I’m supposed to keep going knowing that. It doesn’t feel like I deserve either of you to love me as fiercely as you do. As far as I’m concerned, your lives probably would have been better if you didn’t know me.
I know you’re probably yelling how untrue that is to this letter, but let’s look at it the way I am. The only reason Sapphire and Austin even know each other is because of us. Due to Demon and I not liking to see you being picked on, two evils collided and made our lives hell for it. Every rumor we were told, every argument we had, every disagreement that stopped us from speaking to each other started with one of them getting in our head. It’s sick as fuck that our own blood would play us like that. Tell Dante that he was lucky they underestimated him and what we felt for him. By the time they noticed it, it was too late and he was able to get out.
We unfortunately will always be stuck. Can’t change family. To continue on, Buttercup, because of me they knew exactly how to strike against you. They knew your deepest fears. What you desired most. Especially, what would be the one thing you could never come back from. I am so sorry for that baby. I thought I was confiding to my brother about the girl that I loved. I thought it was all genuinely to help me. I never expected this. I don’t think I could have ever predicted anything like this. I didn’t know it was being used against us. I didn’t know it was possible for people to stoop so low.
I should’ve been protecting you… Demon and I should’ve been there. We should’ve been allowed to make sure there wasn’t anyone so close to us that would want to hurt you. It was all ripped away from us and stupidly we didn’t fight it. In the end I’m the one that failed and because of that failure both of you have been taken away from me again and I have no hope that either of you are coming back to me. Nothing to make me really believe it.
I really should have known better than to get in bed with the succubus that was fucking they devil himself behind my back; because of that bitch we may lose our Demon forever. Fuck! It really feels like they win every time. I keep trying to force myself to believe that our love is just too strong for all this bullshit to ever truly come between us, but look at us baby. For the first time we’re truly separated and what makes it worse is that we couldn’t talk to each other even if we wanted to.
Well, I really should be heading out. I truly hope that I’m back before you can read this. If not, don’t fret, I love you both entirely too much to stay away from. Even if it takes a while, I’ll still be coming right back to the both of you.
I’ll be back my loves,
The time it took to actually fold the letter, put it in an envelope and place it on her bed really shouldn’t have taken as long as it did. It was like something was stopping me and I couldn’t shake the feeling. Everything felt wrong and I really didn’t have an idea of any particular direction that I wanted to go. All I knew was that I wanted to go. All I knew was that I wanted them back no matter the cost; but I also knew that I was no good to them if I just continued to be a shell of myself. I had to learn to break and I had to do it as soon as possible.
“Sterling?” came a voice from behind me. I almost recognized it immediately, but I couldn’t bring myself. “What are you doing?”
“I was going to leave. Take some time to get my mind right. I turned to close the door and I couldn’t.” my voice started to break just as the tears began to stream down my cheeks. “I can’t do it Brianna. I can’t just shut a stupid fucking door because it feels like I’m shutting it on them. Fucking hell! Why are we like this?” I cried, unable to stop. Finally the wall had come down and the hurt was pouring. My sister was on my side shushing me as I struggled to take a breath.
“You love each other big brother and it’s real. Real love is never easy. Sometimes you have to fight everyone trying to ruin it and yourself. All that fighting leaves you tired and broken, but never weak. You end up stronger than before. Don’t leave big brother because right now it’s hard. You all need each other.”
“How did you know I-” A choked sob stopped me from being able to finish.
“VIolet convinced a nurse to contact me. She was worried about you.” For the first time in what felt like days I laughed. A truly carefree, relieving laugh. Of course she did, that was who Violet was. Impossible to say no to.