The neon lights are circling in rays of blinding light on the cracked Marley floors and continuously white strobes light up the whole place for a millisecond as to remind us of where exactly we are. The smell of stale beer and tequila shots fill the air like an inhabitant stench. Black walls surround me and a suffocating embrace clenches my throat with arms of steel barristers. The music, too fast for my intoxicated thoughts, drum in my ears like that of a military funeral. I can feel myself running off into the dark of night, and my screams echoing through the stillness of my heart, but not a sound utters my trembling lips. I wipe my face with the cuff of my white Calvin Klein shirt, which is no longer as crisp as it was when I put in on earlier tonight. It’s drenched from the beer of the guy next to me that he spilt on the table in a rush to get onto the overcrowded dance floor. My forehead is covered in sweat, and everything in me tells me to get out of here, but somehow I cannot convince my body to act upon my emotions. I sit here frozen like death itself. My whole being overthrown by my emotions and my one tracked mind. The only thing I could imagine was ending it all as soon as I possibly can. The small white tablets I got from the dodgy guy in the toilets a few minutes ago, are busy doing their thing, and I can feel my whole body slowly disconnecting itself from everything around me. Vague images are moving in and out of my vision, and what remains are blurred visions of people who danced in front of me minutes earlier. The music becomes a soft background mumble and vibrant colours of red, green, pink and blue fills my semi-conscious mind. The thumping drums and synthetics changes to beautiful orchestral sounds with soft, soothing violins, flutes and in the background I can hear early birds singing to the tune of it all. The colours all fade into green meadows with crystal clear streams. The meadows fill up with the most beautiful flowers I have ever seen, colours I could never even imagine. Am I in heaven? Has those small white droplets worked its magic so quickly, or is this some hellish torture, before I enter the eternal abyss with its black gates and fiery pits, like in Lord of the Rings 3? Has my miserable life finally come to the end I wished it to? I have imagined this moment over and over in my poisoned dreams, but nothing like this has ever emerged from my haunted nightmares. Am I still alive? Am I still in the club? Is this all just some overdosed trip caused by sugar coated paracetamol tablets pushed by a wannabe school boy looking to make a quick buck or two? I swear I would kill him with my bare trembling hands if I find him! I want to die!
I have no more reason to live. Why should I… and for whom shall I continue to live? My heart is shredded into mince like that of the butcher on 3rd and 12th streets. It is emendable, and therefore I’m better off dead now. I’d rather end it all now, than having to live with the pieces for whatever time I have left.
As I lie down of the soft green grass, the sharp rays of the sun above creeps out from behind the thick white clouds and gently settles on my face. I lie there, waiting for the gentle touch of an angel to lift me up and say, “Come child, you’re home. Here you will find no more pain and tears. Let me sooth your aching heart and fill you with the joy you’ve so longed for”. I open my eyes and suddenly I am blinded by rays so bright, they actually burn my eyes. I try to turn my face away, but a strong force has taken control of my head and I cannot move! What is happening? Where am I? The pastures have turned into a bright white light and the beautiful music has faded away. All I can hear is the scuffling of feet and metal-like objects. I can hear faint voices all around me. “His blood pressure is dropping doctor!” I hear a voice say right next to me. I try to see who it is, but all I can still see is white lights. “I need one litre of saline administered right away nurse, and tube the patient for oxygen immediately, he has stopped breathing!” a strong deep voice screams, and then … silence! Not a sound everything around me turns into the deepest darkest black I have ever seen. The silence is so overwhelming, it scares me intensely. This is it, I have done it. I am finally dead. No more pain, no more suffering, no more heartache. Where will I end up? The infamous words from Gone with the wind enter my thoughts. “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.”