You know, i asked for a tablet for christmas.. you know what I got? A FREAKING DIARY. I am so angry, I mean c'mon if you werent gonna get me a tablet at least get me like a new phone case or something.I mean, i'm not like a helpless 14 year old gay boy who needs a diary to be bullied even more than I already am.Anyways, I only write this when my mom was watching me so she doesn't get suspicions that i'm not using it. She gets sad when she buys things and people don't use them.well, until further notice I will not be using this. EVER.like ever.
Hi. this is not me writing in my diary by the way, i'm talking to myself in my brain. Well not really myself obviously because i'm talking to you. But i'm not supposed to be breaking the 4th wall right now. Anyways it's around 8:00 right now, i'm in my 2nd period of school, unfortunately I have math. But of course like most inattentive teenage students i'm not listening and doodling small flowers and such on my math notebook(not that I can call it a math notebook 99 percent of it is doodles)As much as I loathe math, I wish I could stay for my next period. My next period is PE. Not that I don't like participating but it seems like everyone in that class is always so stuck up their own asses. I mean sure few of them are slightly less stuck up but the majority of them are just pure assholes( excuse my profanity).I wonder if they're like that with their parents...
It's the last period of the day, I zoned out for the rest of the day and unintentionally made a fool out of myself. My last class is english. which isn't that bad I guess, I mean all we really do is read and do quizzes on vocabulary. To be completely straightforward, I actually like school. It gets me out of my house. Not that I have a bad homelife but sometimes it can get a little overwhelming with my mom and dad prying me all the time for various things. I love them and all, but to be frank, I don't think they very much accepted me when i came out to being gay. They seemed okay with it, but naturally a lot of people don't say their thoughts out loud.Alright, uh, enough with the sad stuff. here's what happened today-
"THUD" came the sound from all of my binders and books crashing onto the floor(and myself).'Oh, sorry little dude didn't see you there' came a voice from above me.I opened my eyes to see a guy what looks like to be a sophomore, his hand held out to me.I wasn't sure if I should grab it or not, but I just felt if I didn't, he'd be the type of person to make a scene out of it.So I quickly grabbed his hand and got pulled up effortlessly.I hastily say thank you and start to pick my books up.'I wasn't actually paying attention to getting all my pages in the right binders, but his feet. I was waiting for him to leave. Weirdly enough he, bent down in front of me and helped me pick my scattered papers up. He looked at one he had picked up and said' you have math with miss mc balding first period? how come i've never seen you before?'I knew he expected me to look up I could feel his gaze on my head, but i couldn't. To me eye contact is the worst thing possible.' Uh well most people don't exactly notice me, I'm not really all that special.' I said slightly quiet hoping he heard so I wouldn't have to repeat myself.I had finished picking my stuff up and he had handed me some notes from my previous class. he stated 'Im jason by the way' as he held a hand out for me to presumably shake.I shaked it not wanting to come off rude ' Im leon.'I said with a slightly shaky voice.His hand departed from mine, the warmth in my hand leaving.' well uh.. See you later leon' He waved as he ran back to his football friends...God, I hate football.
Today was the weirdest day ever I stated in my head as I flopped down onto my bed and gazed at my ceiling.I should have payed more attention. 'Josh'.... when I shook his hand it was covered in dirt.' should go take a shower.' I murmured and slowly got up. I mope down to the bathroom where I start up the shower and get it to the right temperature.Unfortunately i think my parents forgot to pay the hot water bill again.Cold showers are the worst I groan to myself As I start stripping my clothes off. I start to think. Why was he being so nice? Ever since my ex-friend told everyone about me being gay no one wanted to talk to me. Now I know what you 're thinking 'oh surely not everyone' but no, every single-one. As for why, most people here were born and taught the old school way, you know when being gay was extremely loathed upon.Of course, nothing wrong with that, its not my life or anyone elses to be told how to act. Maybe Josh doesn't know?I mean most of the people who play sports aren't really acknowledged unless they actually win a game.Well maybe he knew and he didn't mind it? Highly unlikely..Well anyways i take a shower and get dressed for bed. Maybe he'll forget about me...
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