Chapter one: The missing magic
“You think you’re able with me?” Diana asked Brad - not just rhetorically but actually, challengingly - in response to his tackle of her; in response to him saying that he found her increasingly sexy and that he wanted her; that he would like to put his head between her legs and treat her to an orgasmic extravaganza; a lollipop-fest. Her rebuffing of his advances however was in a sort of kind, marshmallow way, inferring, he felt, hoped, that, sadly, empathetically, she no longer thought him the man he used to be; for back then when he was macho-man incorporated, he knew she would have sensed his passion, sub-consciously smelt his sexiness, and would have been turned on by the chemistry that previously existed between them. Diana would have had to reach out to her creative juices to help her find an excuse to stop her pre-coital ones from oozing; to fight against all odds like a Ninja warrior as she desperately tried to restrain herself from saying yes, yes, you can have it, all of me, if you wish - if only in the back street, vaudevillian theatre of her mind.
At age fifty, Brad was only now coming to the realization that one was not just charming and irresistible because of youthful good looks but because of that youthfulness one had in store a stockpile, an armamentarium of hormonal and chemical weapons of mass sexual attraction which the opposite sex could not, dare not, resist; which made them go down on their knees and willingly submit to masochistic acts of self-abasement once in each other’s company. Brad had no idea that what made girls gravitate towards him then was that he possessed in abundance the sexually hypnotic hormone testosterone and the magnetic natural body odor pheromone.
What he did not also know was that testosterone and pheromone were not things we stored forever and had in reserve an inexhaustible supply of for life, but that with age, as people grew older, one’s stock became depleted to the extent that the same person who once waited for your company just to exhale now no longer inhaled when you were around and said, O, you smell so good and sexy, I could devour you; may I do a striptease for you, a lap dance or anything else you feel like?
When therefore Diana treated Brad’s advances in a flippant manner, it was not that he had lost his good looks and his other obvious visual charming qualities, but unknown to both of them, what was missing in him were those unknown natural additives responsible for the ticking of our sexual clocks, the crowing of our roosters and the laying of our hens.
Brad would also belatedly come to understand that there is a sexual energy we could generate that could infect those around us like the Ebola virus. He read this introduction by an online Charisma School which provides instruction on how to awaken that sexual energy we all have. It said:
Sexual energy is nothing more than a usually hidden
frequency in your everyday communication. Just like a
radio. If you tune into it, you’ll hear it, if you
don’t, it continues to broadcast, but you just won’t
listen to it.
You miss the signals from possible partners and you
also aren’t able to generate any kind of attraction.
Once you connect to it, you start to recognize it
everywhere and recognize when you are tuned into
it or not. You start to recognize it in your movements
and in your mind. Do you have it or not? Are you
connected to it?
Once you can connect to the frequency you are able
not only to recognize sexual energy everywhere, but
you are also able to GENERATE it between you and
any person, and in your overall personality; which means that you transform yourself into a sexual magnetic person capable of eliciting and transforming any interaction into a sexual interaction.
It continues: I’m sure you’ve met those men and women who seem to elicit sexual reactions in everyone they meet. You can’t stop thinking about sex when you’re with those people. They have a natural sexual energy - unconsciously - flowing in their body, and hence, their sexual attractiveness. They are often not the most beautiful, rich, tall, individuals, yet, their sexual energy is booming!
On that day of her rebuffing of Brad, Diana was actually surprised at this new response of hers to him, wondering how the one hundred-watt light bulb in him that once illuminated her world had just like that seemed dimmed like a five-watt night-light instead. Physically, he was still all that, she had to admit, yet she didn’t feel the vibes he once communicated to her; there was not that aura and odor of pre-coital sex in the air that formerly enveloped them in their meetings. What had happened to him, to her too, she wondered.
Diana ascribed her rejection of Brad to the fact that he was older and possibly sexually colder as was to be expected she concluded based on her limited knowledge of how age impacts ones sexuality. She did not know that age was not supposed to be the final determinant in the sexual lifespan of men and women. She did not know that one’s sexual energy was something apart from the age factor and that there were older folks who could match stroke for stroke studs half their age when it came to sexual capability and performance. She would have known differently had she read this explanation of the same Charisma School Brad would later read about in their online advertisement which said:
If you are feeling sexual energy inside of your body as you talk with a woman, and if everything you do is infused with sexual energy, then you are bound to develop an “aura of sexual attraction”.
Everyone is bound to feel sexual feelings when they are
Think about this in the opposite way: have you ever had someone who was consistently talking negatively and complaining?
How did you feel when you were around this person?
The obvious answer is: not good! Most likely you got out of each meeting feeling negative. This person had a negative or bad energy associated with him or her.
The same way, when you meet someone with a high degree of sexual energy in them, it’s inevitable to feel the sexuality in yourself.
This means the end of hearing “let’s just be friends” or “I want a relationship” and similar statements. Once your sexual energy is at its peak, you only elicit sexual feelings!
If Brad was still filled with his youthful sexual energy he would not have offered to have just oral sex with Diana but sex in its most slam, bang way; and if Diana too was still in her prime she would not have wondered aloud if Brad was still able to sexually cope with her; instead, nostalgia overtook her as her mind traveled back in time to the day some fifteen years earlier when Brad picked her up as she waited for a taxi at the roadside of her home and he passed her way just when she was about to give up hope that something – taxi, private car, truck or bus, would pass - confirming for her the local adage which said, when God can’t come he sends a man, an apostle indeed, but one looking like a regular Joe…or Brad.
Diana lived in an area that was normally referred to as the place that existed behind God’s back. The irony of this place being definitively backwater was that most people referred to it as Main Street, but that was due to the fact that at one time it was the main route for commuters traveling that area of the island, but as alternative routes were built, Main Street, though maintaining its name, no longer attracted the hustle and bustle of the regular taxi service that it once had.
Oftentimes Diana spent long meditative hours waiting for the occasional taxi that might happen to pass her way, so that day when Brad made his miracle appearance, she actually felt as if God had heard her prayers and sent him to rescue her. By the hook and the crook Diana had to find herself to work that day because she had already missed a number of days for the exact reason that she could not get transportation and after standing around under the hot morning sun for hours, she would get tired and fed up and just return to her house in pent-up frustration.
Diana knew Brad since her High School days. In fact she knew of him long before as her two elder sisters went to the same high school she attended and which was right in the vicinity of Brad’s home. Her sisters waited for transportation from school to home right at the front of Brad’s home. Brad, who lived in a house of genuine architectural splendour that was reflective of opulent ownership, would tell his mother, tongue-in-cheek, that the bevy of school girls who hung out on the sidewalk opposite his home long after school was over did so because they simply liked their house. Both of them knew that the girls were there like amateur paparazzi hoping to voyeuristically catch a glimpse of him. Among his admirers were Diana’s sisters, but they remained anonymous to him. They however went home and swooned over him and the fabulous mansion he lived in. Young Diana was already infatuated with the Brad guy her sisters brought home with them in their minds and in their verbal drooling. She hoped to pass her entrance exams to that same school her sisters attended even though it was not one of the area’s prestige schools for which other students dreamed of and worked hard at passing.
By the time Brad noticed Diana waiting among the school girls for transportation, she was about 15 years old, about 5 foot in height and although a bit on the plump side, she had a narrow waist which emphasised breasts that were like naked temptation from a school girl – especially how emphatically she tucked her shirt into her skirt and shoved her chest forward as of someone with a precociously saucy, watch-but-don’t-touch, in-your-face attitude.
It was so provocative that Diana’s poise alone was enough to make Brad aroused; to want to hold her breast, to free them from the dungeon of the bouncy castle that her clothes, her bra, had to be to them.
Although Brad and Diana became friends, it would remain in the realms of tete-a-tete; this was even though whenever they bounced up (for this is how Brad always visualized their meeting up – of Diana’s breast jamming him) he would think of ravishing her and she would think of giving herself with rapturous abandon to him. Afterwards, they would both take each other – disembodied now - to their respective bathrooms back home and settle whatever unfulfilled scores they had provoked and accumulated with one another.
For years this went on between them with their bouncing up becoming more occasional as Diana finished high school and proceeded to University. On the day Brad made his miracle pass through her area, he did so with Diana in mind, hoping he might see her sitting in her porch in splendid idleness. He had no idea that she had finished University, got her degree and was already teaching.
Finding her standing at the side of the road actually waiting for a Good Samaritan to pass and give her a ride out of that desolate place where she lived was for him a miracle as well. Coincidentally, that day, they were both headed in the same direction. Brad, however, had to make one short stopover at the business place of his friend Rudy and Diana said it was okay, for if she had to travel she would have had to intransit via several round-about stops, take couple taxis before she arrived at her destination. His one stop was no problem then.
He took her to meet Rudy in his private office who immediately assumed Diana to be Brad’s wife.
“It’s a pleasure meeting you,” Rudy said, shaking Diana’s hand in warm welcome of her. “I thought Brad was afraid to bring his wife out for one of two reasons: that either she was too ugly and so was ashamed to let people see him with her or that she was so pretty that he left her in a showcase at home to be admired only by him. I am pleased that it was the latter and that he brought you out today.”
“Rudy, I wish you were right about everything, but unfortunately, Diana is only a friend I picked up on my way,” Brad admitted, really wishing at that moment that Diana bore his name and perhaps his children.
Feeling so relieved that Brad had come to her as her savior and enjoying their camaraderie, enjoying how much they echoed one another‘s thoughts, Diana also felt that she would not have minded at all at that moment if Brad was her husband. She enjoyed his company and actually felt a proprietary claim on him just being in his presence. It crossed both their minds that moment that although they were married to different people there was that aura between them that to a stranger they would be, had to be, soul mates.
Brad’s friend picked up their soul-mate aura and as far as he was concerned, their meeting that day was no coincidence as they told him, but as far as he could see, these two people were really one – separated perhaps by fate and by two imposters posing under the aka spouses.
Strangers in Brad’s friends office, but old friends come together that day, they ended up sitting close to one another in the small sofa in the office and from any angle one looked at it, they were just a cool couple with a long history that belonged in the realms of what might have been had they got married to each other and not to other people come to visit their friend.
This thought belonged not only to Rudy alone, but soon it dawned on both Diana and Brad that they actually made a cool couple and sitting together almost intimately, you could say, they enjoyed the coziness of the moment; and the way they constantly contacted and consulted with one another by mere eye contact was enough for Rudy to suspect that his friend Brad was no Lone Ranger but that he had a female deputy on the side. He was happy for him as he and Diana seemed to have the kind of compatibility that was an elusive dream in so many marriages.
The words of the song, “where were you when I was falling in love,” instantly came back to stab Brad in the heart as he thought of this magic moment he was sharing with Diana and of the current less-than-magical one he was having with his wife Carol. Truth is, Brad always felt he and Diana had something special, yet he was the one who never allowed it to blossom into something more. He would fall in like with her whenever they bounced up, but once they went their separate ways she just fell out of his thoughts as of a heavenly star disappearing into a cosmic black hole.
One day when he had with him his friend from America and he made it a point to stop by at Diana’s house so his friend could see the quality of the girl he had in reserve patiently waiting for him to come and get her in a never-occurring case that belonged in the sphere of ad infinitum.
“O, Brad, I am so glad you came by,” Diana exclaimed when she saw him that Brad’s ego nearly exploded. He was thrilled that his narcissistic NY friend could see for himself that he was a star boy in his own right; but Diana had raced back to her house telling Brad to hold on, don’t leave as she had something for him.
Diana quickly returned with an envelope and excitedly handed it to Brad, telling him it was a wedding invitation. “One of your sister’s,” he asked, hopefully, but instantly dreading the worst. In a flash, Brad suspected the worst; that he had let slip from his hands a golden opportunity that he knew was his for the taking, but had procrastinated only because he felt that he held time in his hands and that with Diana he could go on forever playing the hide-and-seek children’s game of catch me if you can. He knew then and there that the game was over and there was nothing for him to catch if even he now wanted to play the game gotcha. “No, Brad, it’s me. I am getting married on Sunday, this Sunday, and that is why I am glad you came. I want you to be there.”
To say Brad was shocked was a euphemism, the understatement of all times. While he never bothered to pursue Diana in the manner of a serious suitor, of a Romeo desiring his Juliet and forgetting that Montagues and Capulets did not belong to the same world, he contented himself with their occasional bounce up, sure that his claims on her were written in the stars and that one day when he felt like it, if he felt like it, he would open his bag of goodies and like Santa Claus on Christmas eve pick for himself one of the presents therein. For him Diana was gift-wrapped and eternally there for his taking, for who else she would choose, his indulgent, spoilt-child but oversized ego casually wondered. That then is why he refused to accept the wedding invitation she offered him, with him telling her there and then that he couldn’t because it was supposed to be him she should be getting married to instead. Whenever he was careless with anything, his father always quoted the proverb, you never miss the water until the well runs dry. His urgent desire for her impressed on him how proverbially correct his father was; that thirsting for her now would remain an unquenchable issue for him. His lips felt parched as Diana, his oasis in the middle of the place she lived, now became Diana, the desert in the middle of nowhere for him. She was now a mirage that would elude him for all times.
It had been two years since that day of the wedding-invitation-fiasco that Brad had come to the taxi-service deliverance of Diana. One year after Diana’s wedding Brad got married to a girl he hardly knew, but knew enough by the eve of his marriage to wonder if he was doing the right thing in marrying a foreigner.
It was why the lyrics of that poignant song came back to him as he sat on cloud nine with Diana in his friend’s office – both of them forgetting about time and their individual schedules for the rest of the day.
Although Rudy was normally very busy, this day he was happy to indulge his friend and entertain him and his companion. It was the idea of involving himself in something supposedly illicit and clandestine that made him throw time through the window. He had only come to know Brad just a few months before, but from their conversations since then he had acquired an instant respect and admiration for his sharp intellect, his quick wit and his genuine humility. In that configuration of excellence, Rudy did not think that Brad looked like the kind of person who would engage in any kind of hanky panky.
Brad having a secret rendezvous with a girl friend was a revelation of Biblical proportion to him; and the fact that he had chosen him as his confidant, his co-conspirator in the matter, made him just too pleased to serve them on a golden platter the Buckingham Palace 5-star treatment.
All these years though, there was no real physical contact between Brad and Diana, for in truth, they had only met after many years, and before that they only fooled around as of adolescent children making blushing eyes and suggestive, flirtatious chat with one another.
Their closeness on the couch was accidental, fortuitous, as that was all the seating accommodation Rudy had in his office; yet he preferred to think that Brad and Diana were in the throes of a heated affair and via destiny he was selected to be their facilitator as he had the perfect couch that met and satisfied their need for some intimacy.
What was happening to both parties in the meantime while Rudy was writing his own love story script, plagiarizing Eric Segal, was that they were grooving into each other as of a sleeping yogic couple in their reflexive embryonic act of spooning. The accidental brushing of their hands, the deferring to one another with respect to answers to questions Rudy posed was so matrimonial in its spontaneity that, yes, indeed, they wondered silently, where were they both when they were falling in love (with other people)?
After they left and now on their way to their substantive businesses, Brad casually suggested to Diana that since they were both already late why didn’t the go somewhere and spend the rest of the day and without the blink of an eye, Diana agreed, asking Brad what he had in mind, if he wanted to go to the beach. She was already lying on the sand, legs slightly parted as of an invitation waiting to be unsealed, when Brad dropped the idea as the proverbial hot potato.