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Never Hitchhike Drunk

By CM_Weller All Rights Reserved ©

Scifi / Humor

Never Hitchhike Drunk

Let me tell you, there are some cargo haulers out there who can make Space Lightning out of anything that can ferment.
And freeze-distilling that stuff in Kelvin-scale temperatures gives it one hell of a kick.
And my brewer in chief decided to drop me off somewhere light years away from my destination.
A planet in the middle of a generations-long war.
By the time I got there, they’d been killing each other for millennia and just about the entire planet was an immense graveyard. I say ‘graveyard’ but it was more along the lines of ‘garden’.
See, both sides elected to honour their dead with sort of… tree things. If you can imagine a hybrid of a carrot, pumpkin, broccoli and Yggdrasil as a ‘tree’. They looked like trees and that was good enough for me.
There was only one town left and it had a thick wall in the middle that passed for the spaceport. And administrations building. It was there that I discovered, in my hangover haze, that both sides were no longer fighting over any kind of moral issue. They were fighting over land in which to live.
All those trees left zero territory for housing or farming.
I went for an escorted tour and someone informed me that they were edible from root to leaf.
“Well,” I said, “Why don’t people eat the insides and live in them, then?”
You could hear a pin drop.
I wasn’t quite sober, yet, so I assumed the tour was over and ambled back to the hostel room that was literally a hole in the wall.
And when I woke up… I was not only saviour of the planet, but also the mayor of the now-expanding Broccolopolis.
I have my very own Ygdrassil-manor with an indoor pool, though. It’s not all bad. And they make a killer tree-sap brew here. Want to try some? No strings attached…

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jacquelinedepedro: I can really see in my mind the small lake community, the colorful boats, the cottages, the lake, the tiny shops in town - an entire gamut of images made real to me by the author. I can feel how they feel, taste what they taste, smell what they smell - all marks of a good writer👍. A romantic at h...

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IAteYourCookieChild: I've never seen, no, experienced a more three-dimensional character then Iris. Truly. Every time I read these tangible words on a screen, I feel like I've been betrayed by my own reality as it feels like much more than just that. More than words on a screen. As if I'm truly seeing Iris, living Ir...

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Neha Singh Anand: I love the story as well as all the characters used by writer. Sometimes i feel im too in the story and living that part as well As mush as i read .. i fall in love with writer... i hope n wish a bright future..... please keep update whole story as soon as possible... love the way u described....

Readingnerdy: I love how this novel presented the story, a good quality of writing indeed. Now, i would never to go back to some cheap stories with poor writing.

mmalaikagimbiya123: When I read this all the way I started crying I was in class when it happen. It is a really good book and you are a good writer.

Queen Hasia: I love this story. Can't wait to start reading the 2nd. You deserve to have this book get published. I would buy it!

Cristi C: Love the idea behind the story. I had a lot of fun reading it. Quite a bit of editing needed but overall it was a good short read. I believe the author could expand certain areas to make it mesh better. I will say Bobbie is the best character and in a way the parents too.

ayesha wali: you serioudly need to read as you missing out a great book! the relations between the characters are so beautifully described to perfection that you cant hekp but fall in love eith them! idk why this book isnt published and please write up a sequel!!!!! good luck!

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