Never Hitchhike Drunk

By CM_Weller All Rights Reserved ©

Scifi / Humor

Never Hitchhike Drunk

Let me tell you, there are some cargo haulers out there who can make Space Lightning out of anything that can ferment.
And freeze-distilling that stuff in Kelvin-scale temperatures gives it one hell of a kick.
And my brewer in chief decided to drop me off somewhere light years away from my destination.
A planet in the middle of a generations-long war.
By the time I got there, they’d been killing each other for millennia and just about the entire planet was an immense graveyard. I say ‘graveyard’ but it was more along the lines of ‘garden’.
See, both sides elected to honour their dead with sort of… tree things. If you can imagine a hybrid of a carrot, pumpkin, broccoli and Yggdrasil as a ‘tree’. They looked like trees and that was good enough for me.
There was only one town left and it had a thick wall in the middle that passed for the spaceport. And administrations building. It was there that I discovered, in my hangover haze, that both sides were no longer fighting over any kind of moral issue. They were fighting over land in which to live.
All those trees left zero territory for housing or farming.
I went for an escorted tour and someone informed me that they were edible from root to leaf.
“Well,” I said, “Why don’t people eat the insides and live in them, then?”
You could hear a pin drop.
I wasn’t quite sober, yet, so I assumed the tour was over and ambled back to the hostel room that was literally a hole in the wall.
And when I woke up… I was not only saviour of the planet, but also the mayor of the now-expanding Broccolopolis.
I have my very own Ygdrassil-manor with an indoor pool, though. It’s not all bad. And they make a killer tree-sap brew here. Want to try some? No strings attached…

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Further Recommendations

geldenec: A good editing session would do wonders for the general reader's experience... a few typos that are easily fixed and some sentences where the grammar causes a need to re-read in order to make sense of an otherwise reasonably well-written tale...

jessrohde22: I love this book but sometimes some sentances don't make sense so I just guess, but other than that i love it.

fas127: Ok, deep breaths. It took me a few days to get over what I just read with this book. Did I realize what I was signing up for? Nope.The poignancy and the emotion behind this story was so well made, the title doesn't even go with the story line!I learned, laughed, loved, and cried with our female p...

Saadia Adeel: a superb story..which fully grips you.

Caro Murray: Such a good storyyI loved the writing style, and I was able to understand it all even though English is not my native tongue.The characters were Nice thought out.The writer really shined a light on how toxic relationships can be.Still a great and awesome story.Thank you for writing this!

Olynsie Morris: Wren is so goddamn adorable. Soft with some hidden spunk

naaakle28: Great story, love your work keep it up.

Oliver Guan: Thanks for all the hard work, Cuppie! I love this and Baked Love series 😍😍 😍

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cpishot: I really LOVE this story! It is amazing! I really pulled my heart strings and I had the urge to cry at some parts. The story made my heart melt and I'm so happy I stumbled upon it. I would love to see this be a movie someday! Both characters showed strong personal growth in themselves and I feel ...

Kerry Bowman: So far good it needs a little work with grammatical errors

Ginn : Loved this story! I love epilogues and that’s the only thing I’m missing in this story but I’m imagining the ending I’d like them to have!!

Ainjal Owens: I love the story so far. Very interesting read.

σтαкυℓιℓу~: it’s amAziNg oH My gOdI love everything.The plot, the personalities, the characters, everythingIt’s all so beautiful and stunning ~

Natalya Faith Lewis: Such an amazing story. Great story line had me wondering whats gunna happen. Thank you fpr asharing this story with us. I would deffenatly read it again. Keep up the good work

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