Even while I lived on the surface I struggled a lot with what it meant to exist. Not necessarily the issue of deriving meaning from life, I had no issue with the aimlessness of life, more specifically the death part of it. Well, now that I think about it, death kind of accentuates the meaninglessness of life. I think when people said life needed a meaning to it, they meant that it needed some goal that transcended death. Whether it be some achievement or legacy that outlasts you for centuries, like the tale of Gilgamesh, or some divine force that gives you life beyond the precipice of death, like pretty much every religion, most meaning that one chooses to prescribe life with involves them cheating death in their own little way. I mean, that's all fine and good, but it doesn't really change much. Like, take Lovecraft. His work didn't really become popular until after he died. Now, if it hadn't become popular in the first place, would his life have had any more meaning? He never lived to see the result anyway, so from his perspective it could've gone either way, and even taking his popularity into consideration, eventually everyone who knows who he is will be gone. At that point, what value can we derive from his work? Is it important that it was popular for someone who doesn't exist anymore? No brain holds the feeling of love for his work in this hypothetical situation, so what does it matter?
Then again, it's kind of an irrelevant point. Value is only determined by individuals, and as individuals are mortal that value can only be determined by them in the time they are alive for themselves, even if they won't exist after that. There's no point talking circles about things that only confuse us because we made arbitrary rules to keep track of subjective concepts that are equally arbitrary.
What was I talking about? Meaning of life, okay. So, it's kind of hard to feel like anything I do has meaning if ultimately the universe is just going to reach heat death anyway. In a way, even the universe dies. Well, I mean, not really, but you know.